Snakes on a run

5 weeks after my last post. I embarked on another marathon training. The first three weeks were incredible and my growth was fast. My min mile grew 1 min faster. I was moving right along, working hard. Some personal things beyond control came up and I slowed way down.

I started back up last week and was eager until I had to face my phobia...snakes. I cannot deal with them in any rational way. never have. Never sought therapy..well..beacsue I never really needed to. They didn't interfere with my daily life. Now they have. I was on a run an I saw not one but three dead ones on my road in less than a 1/4 mile. ridiculous and completely unacceptable. Okay, so I won't run there. But why were they out in late Oct? I am prepared to face one in the summer. I expect to see one cross my road yet NEVER have in the 2 yrs I have been running.

So James goes with me on my long run in the valley. We run on the opposite side of the road where I saw the snakes previously. I get past the point where I saw the last one, take a breath of relief and shit! there is fresh dead one right at my feet. I panic. I can't do this! Why? James get me past it and we continue. The whole 13 miles I am reminding myself to breathe. Relaxation was a joke. I am about to jump out of my skin at any moment. Finally after 4 miles of no snakes in sight I let my guard down again. I am running faster enjoying this spot...my favorite and there is another dead one and it was big. I scream from a place deep down and run as fast as I can past it cursing every step of the way. I did it! Great. I did it but at this point I have no more energy inside to deal with more. Now I am heading out to the flats, the sun. Where they may be alive and sunning themselves. Dead is hard enough...I cannot handle live ones. Just drug me now.

I hit a wall and cry. I can't turn back. It's a loop and I know damn well there are 2 snakes on my path behind. Maybe there are none ahead of me but I doubt it. Nature is playing a cruel joke. I have run this loop so many times. I have run through grassy paths, country roads, next to lakes and never spotted one. Yet in the last week I have now seen 5. And one more in town in a residential area on a walk...that's 6. I move on and find some strength inside. Only 8 more miles to go. I run. My pace is horrible.

Near the end of my run on the path where there were no snakes on the way out I pick up my pace and finally let go of the fear that haunted me in the last 12 miles. I finish strong. then I worry where will I run my next long run? It was the most emotionally hellish run of my life.I don't know where I will run? Places I thought were safe, like neighborhoods in town are not. In fact I saw another last night while I went with the kids trick or treating.

So I ran the par course where there really should be lots of creepy snakes. But no cars for them to get smashed so I hope they stay in their space in the grass and I can keep mine on the trail. I really thought they were gone once it got cold here.