I had not planned on the anxiety I am currently experiencing. My stomach is jumping and my heart is pounding as I pack.
Tomorrow I have the 1/2 marathon...bright and early and 3 hours away. I leave at 4am. I tapered this week and am afraid that I did not run enough and what if I lost what I had for the last 3.5 weeks? Maybe I should have kept my routine runs. I know better but it still looms inside. I was nowhere near this anxious for the triathlon. Yesterday, I ran a 5K on the course here. It was just as challenging as it always had been. I expected it to be easier because I can run longer and it was only a 5K. But it was hard and I had issues with my breathing which I thought I had well under control. The longer runs felt easier on my lungs. Throughout the week I longed for my longer runs. I wanted to do 10 miles yesterday but did not want to risk anything for tomorrow. On a positive note I think my shins are healed. No pain this week. I figured out it was shin splints. I guess tapering was a good thing.
The two little ones are sick with the flu and James is coming down with it too. Looks like it is simply Byron and I tomorrow. I thought about just skipping the 1/2 marathon and running my own 13.1 here on the familiar country roads. At the same time I had dreams about oversleeping and missing it and feeling crushed.
James told me I was going no matter what when I expressed my ambivalence. I feel guilty leaving the sick family behind for this and I am looking for a way out so I don;'t have to face my fear. Fear of what?
We will stay the weekend as Byron has a really neat swim in the SF bay on Sunday. 2.5 miles!!! It's a practice group swim.
To bed I go.