San Diego Women's Half Marathon

Coach Julie the night before the race:  “Have fun- with the week you have had work wise, being sick- a PR would be a LOT…..not sure it is realistic- but I do want you to give it 100% and see what happens-..”

Over a week has since passed as I continually reflect on my most recent half marathon, The San Diego Women’s half.

I began the run with the following issues:

• “chest cold” really bronchitis with some asthma components.
• 2 hours sleep at the most the night before and minimal sleep x 5 nights before from a brewing infection and taking pseudephedrine during the day to make it through work.
• Family stuff in the night

With all of this in mind, I certainly could have easily slept in and not gone.

I could have easily run easy on this one and just enjoy. I entertained these but

I signed up for this race for a PR and nothing else. I needed this time (2:30 finish) before Ironman Oceanside. It was on my goal list and I was sooooo close.

The run:

Woke up, feeling pretty funky and exhausted. I did not want to eat but made myself anyway calculating the calories I needed to consume before the race. I added extra carbo pro to my watered down Gatorade to get more calories. I just couldn’t eat more solids.

We arrive at Liberty Station. It looks pretty mellow. I’m not feeling anxious, quite the opposite. I’m thinking about a quick nap before I get out of the car. I get ready and James and I head to the start. I take a hit of my inhaler which I only use in the cold. I think it is running out- not sure so I take a few more hits. Oh well.

I get to the start and see the 2:30 pacer. Oooh last minute decision. Do I stay with her? It would be smart. I have never run with a pacer. Tried in the marathons and ultimately got dropped and completely heartbroken. It is different now. I approach her and ask how she will be pacing. She said faster at the first mile to get through the crowd then a solid 11:15 the rest of the way. Sounds good except I have this paceband I made set for a 2:23 finish. I don’t want to undermine my plans. I decide to start with her and at least keep her in view.

Not too bad at the start. Fairly comfortable but early on short of breath.

Ignored. Played music louder so I couldn’t hear my breath. Pushed through it. Stayed almost exactly on pace for a 2:23 finish until a bit after mile 10.  10:30 miles alternating with 11:30’s. I like how fast the 10:30’s go and am always looking forward to the change.

Getting dizzy about mile 5. Different kind of dizzy- not running fatigue or poor nutrition dizzy, more like when I passed out several years ago. Drank more, ate more, remained focused and ignored.

Went away.

Pace is excellent. I am pleased. I know I am pushing it more than I should but I’ll do it as far as I can. The 2:30 pace group is far behind me. I keep them in mind as my gauge when I am near the minimum PR. If they pass me it’s over. That will not happen.

I am enjoying the sunny views feeling the rhythm of my feet constantly checking in. Shoulders back, chest out, eyes to the horizon or the palm trees, core and hips fully engaged…check…and all over again at each mile. Music is good.

Dizzy returned around 8. Visual changes, thinking more like this is a lot like before I went down 5 years ago at work. Okay, keep pace but lets plan accordingly. I’m not stopping for this because there’s a good chance I’ll stay up. Moved over to the side closer to grass so at least if I go down I have less chance of hitting my head on the asphalt. Kept my eye on the medic runners. Ironic that they were always close by. Took deeper breaths…felt like lungs smaller. Chest hurts a little but not in a cardiac way. Sucks, but I’ll be fine.

Keep pace.

Body form check in…

The 10:30’s were getting harder so at each mile I welcomed the nice 11:30 break.

Getting irritated at my chest cold. Seriously? Really? Coughing, spitting, intermittent dizziness. Nice. Thanks parents for being chain smokers in my childhood. I’m irritated. I must need a gel.

Still on pace for a kick ass PR but I know I can’t hold this much longer. I have good time in the bank. I can’t do another 10:30 in the next mile. I try and I feel like shit all over. My legs and hips feel fine. That’s weird. At Carlsbad by now my hip was so tight I could barely move it. Hip felt great, calves, quads, core and hamstrings all felt fine.  My “running body” was fine, yet my whole body felt awful.  I just wanted to curl up in a ball on the grass and nap just for a few minutes. I just wanted to not be vertical anymore. It was harder and harder to keep vertical.

Tired of the gels- just cant stomach another blackberry gu. The texture is making me gag. I have been taking Gatorade at each aid station instead.

I know I am in the spot where I struggle. I own it and do something about it. The last few miles have been consistently hard and I have had no more mental strength. I vow to run, no matter what. No walking - no matter what. Walking ONLY at the aid station because I am not coordinated enough to drink and run even though I literally trained for it for three marathons, received instruction from professionals and yet still spill the whole cup on me. I grab the cup, drink and always drop in the trash and the trash is my starting line to run again. I don’t lollygag. It is one smooth motion, grab cup, walk briskly, drink and drop and go. I remain more disciplined today than in any other run.

Again no walking. I’m hitting the wall and the dizziness returns. I mentally tell the dizziness to f&^% off. I’m finishing this damn race and I am PRing. No walking. I’m crashing hard at 11 miles in. I give myself permission to run slowly, whatever it takes as long as I remain running. I can crash at the finish- only less than 2 miles away. But I really can’t go more than 2 min slower than race pace. I had 6 minutes in the bank at mile 10. I try to calculate what I have now. 2 min x 2 more miles is 4 minutes, still 2 minutes faster than my goal finish. Too close. Anything can happen in 2 minutes.

Mile 12. A few miles back the plan was I’d give it all I had from mile 12 to the finish. Okay let’s go for it. I may have picked it up to an 11 but my head was spinning. There’s a small uphill over the bridge. I know I am so close to the finish yet so far.  I jog up the bridge into Liberty Station. I’m good. Got it. I see James at the bottom of the bridge. He sees me and approaches me. I instantly break down in tears as I run. Have no idea where THAT came from. He encourages me and reminds me how close I am.

“I can’t” I tell him knowing those words are forbidden.

He says I can.

Well I guess I can.

Duh.

I have to stop crying anyway, it produces way too much mucus. So I stop.

Fuck, I’m dizzy again and I feel really wobbly now. I see the finish. James is running along saying something I can’t understand. I push as hard as I can to get through that damn finish. I chant to myself “dig deep…dig deep…dig deep…dig deep…” The pictures are going to really suck I think to myself.  I look at my watch. I could theoretically do this 4 minutes faster than goal. I AM doing it!

 I feel like I am going to go down really soon. I need to cross the line first. Someone will catch me then. The landing will be softer.

I cross the line 

2:26.

I am vertical.

I am weaving all over the place confused. People keep asking f I am ok. I lie and say yes. My vision is changing yet again, the knees feel really wobbly.  I immediately get to the side, the knees start to go down, so I grab the bar, put my head down and try to catch my breath.  Big deep breaths. It passes. I should get more to drink.

I see James. I need to lay down I tell him. Not sure if he really gets what I mean. I say it again. I need to find the grass and lay down for real now. At the end of the finish I find my spot and lay down. I look up at the sky as the blue sky and trees spin. Now it feels more like a merry go round and feels nice and relaxing. No pressure now to stay vertical. I can deal with this. It passes.

I sit up and am still a little out of breath. It passes.

Then it hits me….I exceeded my goal time by 4 minutes and beat my last PR by 6 minutes! Excellent.

Despite weird feelings of vertigo and overall bodily nastiness, I did have fun. The views were incredible. I smiled a lot.

I gave it 100%

And this is what happens…an ass kicking PR and a realization that I have more strength than I ever knew.