Coach Julie the
night before the race: “Have fun- with the week you have had work wise,
being sick- a PR would be a LOT…..not sure it is realistic- but I do want you
to give it 100% and see what happens-..”
Over a week has since passed as I continually reflect on my
most recent half marathon, The San Diego Women’s half.
I began the run with the following issues:
- “chest cold” really bronchitis with some asthma components.
- 2 hours sleep at the most the night before and minimal sleep x 5 nights before from a brewing infection and taking pseudephedrine during the day to make it through work.
- Family stuff in the night
With all of this in mind, I certainly could have easily
slept in and not gone.
I could have easily run easy on this one and just enjoy. I
entertained these but
I signed up for this race for a PR and nothing else. I
needed this time (2:30 finish) before Ironman Oceanside. It was on my goal list
and I was sooooo close.
The run:
Woke up, feeling pretty funky and exhausted. I did not want
to eat but made myself anyway calculating the calories I needed to consume
before the race. I added extra carbo pro to my watered down Gatorade to get
more calories. I just couldn’t eat more solids.
We arrive at Liberty Station. It looks pretty mellow. I’m
not feeling anxious, quite the opposite. I’m thinking about a quick nap before
I get out of the car. I get ready and James and I head to the start. I take a
hit of my inhaler which I only use in the cold. I think it is running out- not
sure so I take a few more hits. Oh well.
I get to the start and see the 2:30 pacer. Oooh last minute
decision. Do I stay with her? It would be smart. I have never run with a pacer.
Tried in the marathons and ultimately got dropped and completely heartbroken.
It is different now. I approach her and ask how she will be pacing. She said
faster at the first mile to get through the crowd then a solid 11:15 the rest
of the way. Sounds good except I have this paceband I made set for a 2:23
finish. I don’t want to undermine my plans. I decide to start with her and at
least keep her in view.
Not too bad at the start. Fairly comfortable but early on
short of breath.
Ignored. Played music louder so I couldn’t hear my breath.
Pushed through it. Stayed almost exactly on pace for a 2:23 finish until a bit
after mile 10. 10:30 miles
alternating with 11:30’s. I like how fast the 10:30’s go and am always looking
forward to the change.
Getting dizzy about mile 5. Different kind of dizzy- not
running fatigue or poor nutrition dizzy, more like when I passed out several
years ago. Drank more, ate more, remained focused and ignored.
Went away.
Pace is excellent. I am pleased. I know I am pushing it more
than I should but I’ll do it as far as I can. The 2:30 pace group is far behind
me. I keep them in mind as my gauge when I am near the minimum PR. If they pass
me it’s over. That will not happen.
I am enjoying the sunny views feeling the rhythm of my feet
constantly checking in. Shoulders back, chest out, eyes to the horizon or the
palm trees, core and hips fully engaged…check…and all over again at each mile.
Music is good.
Dizzy returned around 8. Visual changes, thinking more like
this is a lot like before I went down 5 years ago at work. Okay, keep pace but
lets plan accordingly. I’m not stopping for this because there’s a good chance
I’ll stay up. Moved over to the side closer to grass so at least if I go down I
have less chance of hitting my head on the asphalt. Kept my eye on the medic
runners. Ironic that they were always close by. Took deeper breaths…felt like
lungs smaller. Chest hurts a little but not in a cardiac way. Sucks, but I’ll
be fine.
Keep pace.
Body form check in…
The 10:30’s were getting harder so at each mile I welcomed
the nice 11:30 break.
Getting irritated at my chest cold. Seriously? Really?
Coughing, spitting, intermittent dizziness. Nice. Thanks parents for being
chain smokers in my childhood. I’m irritated. I must need a gel.
Still on pace for a kick ass PR but I know I can’t hold this
much longer. I have good time in the bank. I can’t do another 10:30 in the next
mile. I try and I feel like shit all over. My legs and hips feel fine. That’s
weird. At Carlsbad by now my hip was so tight I could barely move it. Hip felt
great, calves, quads, core and hamstrings all felt fine. My “running body” was fine, yet my
whole body felt awful. I just
wanted to curl up in a ball on the grass and nap just for a few minutes. I just
wanted to not be vertical anymore. It was harder and harder to keep vertical.
Tired of the gels- just cant stomach another blackberry gu.
The texture is making me gag. I have been taking Gatorade at each aid station
instead.
I know I am in the spot where I struggle. I own it and do
something about it. The last few miles have been consistently hard and I have
had no more mental strength. I vow to run, no matter what. No walking - no
matter what. Walking ONLY at the aid station because I am not coordinated
enough to drink and run even though I literally trained for it for three marathons,
received instruction from professionals and yet still spill the whole cup on
me. I grab the cup, drink and always drop in the trash and the trash is my
starting line to run again. I don’t lollygag. It is one smooth motion, grab
cup, walk briskly, drink and drop and go. I remain more disciplined today than
in any other run.
Again no walking. I’m hitting the wall and the dizziness
returns. I mentally tell the dizziness to f&^% off. I’m finishing this damn
race and I am PRing. No walking. I’m crashing hard at 11 miles in. I give
myself permission to run slowly, whatever it takes as long as I remain running.
I can crash at the finish- only less than 2 miles away. But I really can’t go
more than 2 min slower than race pace. I had 6 minutes in the bank at mile 10.
I try to calculate what I have now. 2 min x 2 more miles is 4 minutes, still 2
minutes faster than my goal finish. Too close. Anything can happen in 2 minutes.
Mile 12. A few miles back the plan was I’d give it all I had
from mile 12 to the finish. Okay let’s go for it. I may have picked it up to an
11 but my head was spinning. There’s a small uphill over the bridge. I know I
am so close to the finish yet so far.
I jog up the bridge into Liberty Station. I’m good. Got it. I see James
at the bottom of the bridge. He sees me and approaches me. I instantly break
down in tears as I run. Have no idea where THAT came from. He encourages me and
reminds me how close I am.
“I can’t” I tell him knowing those words are forbidden.
He says I can.
Well I guess I can.
Duh.
I have to stop crying anyway, it produces way too much
mucus. So I stop.
Fuck, I’m dizzy again and I feel really wobbly now. I see
the finish. James is running along saying something I can’t understand. I push
as hard as I can to get through that damn finish. I chant to myself “dig
deep…dig deep…dig deep…dig deep…” The pictures are going to really suck I think
to myself. I look at my watch. I
could theoretically do this 4 minutes faster than goal. I AM doing it!
I feel like I am going to go down really soon. I need to cross
the line first. Someone will catch me then. The landing will be softer.
I cross the line
2:26.
I am vertical.
I am weaving all over the place confused. People keep asking
f I am ok. I lie and say yes. My vision is changing yet again, the knees feel
really wobbly. I immediately get
to the side, the knees start to go down, so I grab the bar, put my head down
and try to catch my breath. Big
deep breaths. It passes. I should get more to drink.
I see James. I need to lay down I tell him. Not sure if he
really gets what I mean. I say it again. I need to find the grass and lay down
for real now. At the end of the finish I find my spot and lay down. I look up
at the sky as the blue sky and trees spin. Now it feels more like a merry go
round and feels nice and relaxing. No pressure now to stay vertical. I can deal
with this. It passes.
I sit up and am still a little out of breath. It passes.
Then it hits me….I exceeded my goal time by 4 minutes and
beat my last PR by 6 minutes! Excellent.
Despite weird feelings of vertigo and overall bodily
nastiness, I did have fun. The views were incredible. I smiled a lot.
I gave it 100%
And this is what happens…an ass kicking PR and a realization
that I have more strength than I ever knew.
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