3 days

Saturday 21 July
Byron and I went with our team to the swim and run clinic. Byron and I easily swam to the 4th buoy. Coaches had us run the trail at the lake. I thought this would be fun. It was until I hit the hills. Just when I figured out the flats and had my endurance figured out. It was hard. It was brutal. I felt pretty disappointed after the run. I walked part of the way. Mike and Sara both encouraged me while running. I held back my tears on the trail. Sara reminded me how far I have come with swimming. It didn't help though. How can I do this? This is what the trail will be like at the tri. If I can't do this after a short easy swim, how can I possibly do it after a 21.7 mile bike ride? I feel this peace and comfort with swimming and biking. I swim as slow as molasses but I am fine with it. I really love the process and I know I can swim far. I love biking even when it hurts. There is never a question in my mind to stop when it hurts. I don't. Not an option nor do I want it to be. Running is different. Again, I want to stop at that wall. If I stop though, even for a break I never get my rhythm. On my good days it is great. I pass the wall fast and then I can keep going but it is so inconsistent and unpredictable. On the trails I longed for my nice neat controlled environment of the high school track. I loved the trees and the path and the beauty but I longed for the flats. Maybe I need hypnosis. I am convinced my issues with running are all mental. I want to get into the same mental space as I do for biking and swimming. I know physically I can do it. I can surpass it if my head will just stop.

On a positive note, Byron did a fabulous job! he ran with the better runners and stayed with them the entire time. He went the full 4 miles and had so much fun. Each day he tells me how happy he is that he has gone even further, further than he has ever in his life. Wow. My heart is warm.

Tuesday 24 July
James and I went to the lake. I swam the full distance, the 5th buoy! that was easy, slow but very easy. I was pleased that I could do it. Now I want to focus on increasing my speed.

I tried the trail again. It was hard. I ran more than last time but it was still an emotional roller coaster. this time I let myself cry in the middle of the trail. It was a moment where I wish I were religious and truly believe in something so I could ask for guidance. I sat there and asked myself over and over what do I need to do. The only answer was to keep practicing on that trail until I run the whole thing. Accept that I am starting again only this time the level is higher. Appreciate the trail. I do love the beauty. I feel comforted in the trees in a way. I did do well on the flats. I could have run the diatnce no problem on a flat trail. the hills get me esp the long steep ones. the downhills are easy but stressful. I fear I will run down too hard and hurt my knees so I am guarded which takes up a lot of energy. I do appreciate the flat runs more and know I can do a 5K easily on flats.

Wed 25 July
James and I biked 30 miles today. It was awesome. I love the scenery here. Our time was 1h 55 min. the first time we biked 21 miles our time was 1h 50 min! SO we are improving.