Running Ramblings

I swam 1/2 km with some decent strokes followed by a 2 mile run. All after working all night. We did the same yesterday with the team. We ran down a road alongside a beautiful creek. I like that much more than the monotonous high school track.

Running is such an issue for me. Once I let go I run and have no problems. But I have noticed I begin for quite a long time fighting myself every step of the way. "Can't run anymore, my legs hurt...Stop... Can't run anymore, I don't like the terrain ... Stop...Can't run anymore, my breathing is too hard...Stop...Can't run anymore, this sucks...Stop" whine whine whine. So I stop often, feel bad for stopping, walk fast and mentally prepare to run more. As I came closer to the 1 mile mark, I ran longer distances setting mini goals. "I will run to that telephone pole ...to that tree ...to that curve ...to the top of the hill." That worked well but I still stopped at those points rather then continuing. My coach told me to do exactly that, set mini goals and not to be hard on myself.

On the way back, I did the same but less stopping. By about halfway I finally found a rhythm and ran the rest of the way nonstop. My steps were in sync with my exhaling breath.It became a meditation and I finally let go. I did not think of how much this sucked or hurt. I looked up, set even smaller goals, passed them and realized how much like school it was. Get an A on this test and this one and this one and it will add up to one for the course. Pass this pole and this one and this one and I will see my car soon. I was enjoying this. I was doing it. I was pleased. I did it.

Now if I can figure out how to let go. It all seems so random. It was not a conscious choice, it just happened. I could have run even further at that point. I guess I have to plan longer distances and expect that I will fight the first half and it will eventually work.