Reflections on Auschwitz-Birkenau visit

I began a lengthy summary of our experiences visiting Auschwitz-Birkenau; however, I would prefer to focus on my reflections only. Connecting to the Auschwitz-Birkenau official site will give the information about the death camp. I am also happy to answer questions and talk about it in person or via email.

These were random quick reflections while I was on the train back to the village. I want to express that I am extremely fortunate to have these just be reflections, that I have the luxury of even going there as this was real for millions of families. I am sure more will be written but for now…

- It was cold, wet and dreary. The weather matched the energy at that place perfectly, eerily. The gates entering Auschwitz I are marked largely, “Arbeit macht frei” translated “Work sets you free.” Irony at its worst as nothing set people here free, only death. Surrounding the camp were double lines of electrical barbed wire. This separated the prisoners from the world.

- I can not help but imagine myself in the place of the families there. I see pictures of the children and automatically without any thought see Luna, Liam and Byron, heads shaven in the prison uniform. I feel an intense pain and primal anger wash over me. Those children are my children, our children. All children are our children.

- Mothers of small children along with their children were automatically taken to be gassed. They were not valuable for the work force in the camp. They were taken of course without the knowledge that they will die that day. The SS told them they were being disinfected and showered and would reunite with their families after. This was done to avoid panic.

- If we were there during that time, we would have been rounded up and taken. Not for being Jews but for being dissidents, politicals, intellectuals, Catholic and Unitarian. We would have been classified as political prisoners or criminals.

- Arriving from the train, James and Byron would have been separated from the small children and I. They would have been seen as fit for labor. Luna, Liam and I would have been immediately gassed.

What would I have done once I realized our fate when the door of the chamber was shut? I would like to think I would have fought and resisted. One woman did shoot an officer but her fate remained the same. If I were alone, I would die fighting. Having the children changes that. I don’t want them see me kill someone nor get shot. Knowing our fate was inevitable, I want to be there for them, with them, protecting them. I would sit with my children holding them tight against my body. I would sing with them as loud as I could, covering their ears and eyes, rocking them back and forth so that they could only hear my voice and not the screams of terror from others.

I know Luna would ask questions continuously as she usually does. I would lie. I would redirect. Perhaps I would have already done this with her throughout the horrific journey. Perhaps I would do what the father in A Beautiful Life did with his son, making up a game or story.

I would tell them the stories of their births. I would want their last memories be of a lullaby of nurturing. I want them to know how much they are loved over and over again. I would think of James and Byron and send them my love wherever they may be. I would hold Luna and Liam tight, very tight against my body, eyes closed, hearts beating together until together we diminish and move to a better place, to our next lives together.