We went on an adventure to Udvarhely. Usually Csaba drives us there for groceries and appointments. He has been busy so we decided to just try the bus. James has done this before and swore it was easy. So off we went.
We waited at the bus stop in the village. Kulcsi, the store owner and friend of Csaba’s drove by in his van. I waved “Hello.” He stops and gives us a ride to Udvarhely. On our way we see some people pushing their car along the road. Kulsci stops and offers help. He tied their car onto his towing hitch and pulled them to the next village. The whole time I am amazed. There is no AAA for cars that have trouble here. The lack of services makes for an environment where people help each other. People hitchhike all the time here. When we drive by with Csaba or Eva and the car is full we always express to the people something like , “Sorry, the car is full.” If it isn’t then they get a ride. In the US it would be illegal to stop and help tow someone, yet here, Kulcsi did it without even thinking twice.
I realized how isolated we are in the US, how removed we are from each other. My initial reaction when Kulcsi stopped for us was, “oh, no we don’t need a ride!” Why? Why did I feel like we should not accept a ride? I did not want to impose and the plan was to take the bus. Here I am removing myself by not accepting kindness from a friend. While I, myself have trouble accepting kindness, I may also have trouble giving. Would I have stopped for that car, not really. Again I am removing myself from another person, a connection. The entire time I have been here it has been quite an adjustment for me. When we first arrived whenever anyone would give us something or do something kind, I felt strongly obligated to pay them back. I was almost obsessive in finding ways to give back the kindness. Csaba once told me, “Cecily, you do not have to always return the kindness equally. Just accept it. It is what we do here.” I kept that in mind determined to allow that to happen. Yet here I am almost 6 mos later feeling that guilt and reflexive response of “no, I can not accept it” removing myself from connection. I see this everywhere in the US. Everything has a price. A gift of kindness must of course be repaid rather than accepted, held and allowed to be a part of a connection. I have been able to let go of some preconceived notions of mine, mostly from y understanding and belief in Buddhism. I think I can accept kindness knowing that karma goes around. If someone is kind to me, I will return it to them or someone else or I already have. What we give we get in return in another way.
Again, the people here will give us everything they have yet they are poor by US standards. The richer we are the less we give. The richer we are the more material goods we have. The more we have to hoard and protect. We alienate others out of fear of them taking our goods. Yet I am surrounded by people who have the basics and will have no problem giving to us.
While we were in Udvarhely we met a stray puppy. And yes, it followed us. Liam and I made eye contact with it and gave it some of our kurtos (a Hungarian pastry). It was the sweetest playful puppy. It was so thin and scraggly yet energetic. When we gave it pieces of the kurtos it ate it up fast like it was starving. Well, it WAS starving. We can’t take in another puppy. We have 2 weeks left and could never adopt it out nor bring it back to the US. So we left it and hoped she could survive. She made it this long and she was in the city with more scraps, warm hiding spots and less predators. I felt secure leaving her. She did not follow us. A few minutes later Liam starts crying. This is totally uncharacteristic of Liam. I ask him what is wrong and he says that he wants to take the puppy home and care for her. I hold him and let him cry. He has such a beautiful sense of compassion and responsibility.
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