Friday, October 27, 2006
27 October
Today is the anniversary of my mother’s death six years ago. It is not usually a big deal for me but this year I reflect on it more. Traveling has been wonderful but constantly uprooting. The uprooting has made me long for my family of origin, particularly my parents. Because I did not have a healthy relationship with my parents I suppose I am really longing for some sort of nurturing wise one in my life, guidance and/or roots. My father died when I was sixteen and mother when I was twenty-seven.
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2 comments:
Has it really been 6 years? Dear lord. It actually seems like so much longer. So much has happened. And yet, here you are, still strong(er) every day, among the living, and creating a legacy of your own. It's always good to have someone there who's got your back (like James) and to know that there's a network of others who are there to pick up slack as well (the rest of us heathens).
I feel as shiftless as you do, maybe more sometimes because I still have family, and I don't recognize them 99% of the time... we are that different in outlooks. It's odd, I was just remembering my grandparent's old place (the one I lived at) and feeling of it on nights like these, when i was a bit older than Q... the smell of cigars, the heavy wood aroma of the house furnishings, the dark shadows stretching across the rooms, the quiet ticking of the grandfather clock... and it occured to me that that place only exists in my head now (if it really even existed outside of my head before). My grandparents created that place, created it very well, in my mind. I will always think of that place as my true home. And it makes me wonder what Q will remember when he gets older.
We'll have to chat soon. All sorts of things have begun this past week....
This happens for me in october, the only month I can say that I was with my mother in her womb, and then at birth, and then more as a newborn. The umbilical cord is just a ritual , it never truely severs.
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