Birthing Journey

Back to the Triathlon Journey

2011-10-23T11:44:00.000-07:00

I signed up for the Ironman 70.3 California triathlon in March 2012. I have not done a tri since my first and only in 2007. Since then I have been running marathons and it was time to do something new and to strengthen the rest of my body.

I found a wonderful coach to get me started. The day I met him I was set on learning how to go fast on my bike. It's my strength and I figured if I could progress far on the bike that would make up for my slow swim and run times. He immediately said, "No, we are going to train to your weaknesses and perform at your strength. Because if you don't get your swim down you won't make it to the bike." Duh! I have had two sessions and have leaned so much! The first was a swim session and he immediately saw why I have so much anxiety in the water. "You are survival swimming. No wonder why you are so anxious." So he showed me how to improve my stroke. I picked up some bad habits and swim really inefficiently thus my snail pace. Once the new stroke kicked in I got it! Now I just need to practice coordinating all of the new things he taught me in 45 min.

In the second session we worked on my running form and technique at the track. Again, inefficient, shuffle running and only using my quads, specifically my right side. My left just goes along for the ride while my right does the work. I learned to pick up my feet a little more and straighten up my body utilizing 7 muscle groups (R and L Quads, both calves, both hamstrings and core) which is the goal. I tried engaging my left side more and that was surprisingly hard! So the goal is to strengthen the left and make it do more work. Now I know why I get anxious when I get tired running. My right leg is overworked, gets floppy and it is just done. The right leg flops anywhere, I worry my patella will dislocate and enter the vicious anxiety cycle. Wow, how did I ever survive 3 marathons? I wish I had met this guy then, I bet I would have run faster.

I am eager to get to the pool today and practice the drills. And strangely I am eager to get back to the track to strengthen the left side and learn how to run properly despite the grueling hot drills I did yesterday. I feel like thee is a light at the end of the tunnel regarding my performance. I burnt out on running after the last marathon. I tried and tried to get faster. While I did PR and knock off 15 min from my first marathon time, I never liked how I finished. Always disappointed and will never reveal my time to anyone out of the notion that my times don't make me a REAL runner. I have always worked hard in my trainings but not efficiently. Now I am seeing that. No wonder why I struggled so much.

This should be very interesting.

Self Doubt

2009-11-01T15:58:00.001-08:00

The last few days I have been questioning whether I should go through with this marathon in January. I was signing up to have a goal to get me off the couch. A half marathon I can phone in but a full 26.2 will keep my training honest.

I just don't have the drive the way I did with NY. I don't "want it" the way I did last year. My heart is not in it. Sure things have come up, extreme things, personal and phobias that I am not ready to work through. But I can get through anything. The problem is...I don't want to right now. I don't want running to be yet another stressor. As soon as I start running for time I get stressed and worried and beat myself up for not running in my projected time frame for training.

I want to run faster for the next marathon but I don't know if I can. I compare where I was at this point in NY training and in a few weeks from now then I made my 9 mile PR. I am not even close to holding that for 9 miles now. I can't finish slower than NY and I can't finish in the same time. I HAVE TO cut my time significantly.

I keep returning tot he thought of putting off the marathon and committing to training for a faster 5 or 10K. If I can get my mile down by 2 min I will feel like a "real" runner. But am I just looking for an excuse to drop out? Perhaps because I am burnt out in life in general? perhaps because I cannot for the life of me figure out where I can run without a boatload of anxiety? I can do short distance on the treadmill but it is painfully boring. But I can do a few miles and speed work. Maybe I should spend winter on the treadmill, lifting weights and strengthening my hips and abs? I don't know.

I watched the NYC marathon this morning and was inspired for a while. But when I thought about doing a long run today I couldn't think of where. My options that are relatively snake free are the par course and the treadmill. 6-8 loops around the par course is pretty but monotonous. I want my country road in the valley for that. And long runs on the treadmill seem impossible.

It is really hard to balance the brutality of the trianing with my own phobias. If the snakes hadn't happened I don't think I'd be in this place. But it has brought me to such a place of self doubt, to a depth I never experienced while training for NY.

I'm sleepy. Maybe I wan tto ride my bike. Winter will be here which means rains...

Snakes on a run

2009-11-01T15:37:00.000-08:00

5 weeks after my last post. I embarked on another marathon training. The first three weeks were incredible and my growth was fast. My min mile grew 1 min faster. I was moving right along, working hard. Some personal things beyond control came up and I slowed way down.

I started back up last week and was eager until I had to face my phobia...snakes. I cannot deal with them in any rational way. never have. Never sought therapy..well..beacsue I never really needed to. They didn't interfere with my daily life. Now they have. I was on a run an I saw not one but three dead ones on my road in less than a 1/4 mile. ridiculous and completely unacceptable. Okay, so I won't run there. But why were they out in late Oct? I am prepared to face one in the summer. I expect to see one cross my road yet NEVER have in the 2 yrs I have been running.

So James goes with me on my long run in the valley. We run on the opposite side of the road where I saw the snakes previously. I get past the point where I saw the last one, take a breath of relief and shit! there is fresh dead one right at my feet. I panic. I can't do this! Why? James get me past it and we continue. The whole 13 miles I am reminding myself to breathe. Relaxation was a joke. I am about to jump out of my skin at any moment. Finally after 4 miles of no snakes in sight I let my guard down again. I am running faster enjoying this spot...my favorite and there is another dead one and it was big. I scream from a place deep down and run as fast as I can past it cursing every step of the way. I did it! Great. I did it but at this point I have no more energy inside to deal with more. Now I am heading out to the flats, the sun. Where they may be alive and sunning themselves. Dead is hard enough...I cannot handle live ones. Just drug me now.

I hit a wall and cry. I can't turn back. It's a loop and I know damn well there are 2 snakes on my path behind. Maybe there are none ahead of me but I doubt it. Nature is playing a cruel joke. I have run this loop so many times. I have run through grassy paths, country roads, next to lakes and never spotted one. Yet in the last week I have now seen 5. And one more in town in a residential area on a walk...that's 6. I move on and find some strength inside. Only 8 more miles to go. I run. My pace is horrible.

Near the end of my run on the path where there were no snakes on the way out I pick up my pace and finally let go of the fear that haunted me in the last 12 miles. I finish strong. then I worry where will I run my next long run? It was the most emotionally hellish run of my life.I don't know where I will run? Places I thought were safe, like neighborhoods in town are not. In fact I saw another last night while I went with the kids trick or treating.

So I ran the par course where there really should be lots of creepy snakes. But no cars for them to get smashed so I hope they stay in their space in the grass and I can keep mine on the trail. I really thought they were gone once it got cold here.

The Second Marathon journey

2009-09-26T20:45:00.000-07:00

James and I will be running the Carlsbad marathon Jan 24 TOGETHER. I ran NYC last year and he ran DC last March. It will be fun to start together and compare experiences on the same path. The kids talked us into it because there is a 1 mile kids' fun run in ...... Legoland on Saturday AND Grandma lives nearby.

I am still a little hesitant. Not sure if any marathon will measure up to the NY. Not sure if I really am ready to go through training again. The training is far more brutal than the marathon. Even though I did this once before there is still the unknown, the fear of "failure."

At the same time this is an opportunity to run like a "real" runner. I'm slow, I'll admit. VERY VERY slow. I trained for distance last time and I completed the whole 26.2 miles...slowly but intact. This time I dream of cutting an hour off my finish time or more realistically 30 min. I want to learn to let go emotionally at mile 15 and then move on. I want to internalize David Goggins' attitude of every morning taking a "suck it up pill" to get through the hard training I will need to do to successfully run faster. I want to build my mental stamina further. I want a stronger core. I want to lose a few pounds and actually look like a real runner.

I have completed almost the first week of an 18 week training plan with 3 days of speed work incorporated into the running. It's been hard. today especially running in the heat. Tomorrow is my first long run. 10 miles. That used to be nothing a year ago when I was training for NY. We'll see what I say tomorrow morning. I have 119 more days....

Israel uses white phosphorus in Gaza

2009-01-11T13:46:00.000-08:00

By JASON KEYSER, Associated Press Writer Jason Keyser, Associated Press Writer – 54 mins ago

JERUSALEM – Human Rights Watch said Sunday that Israel's military has fired artillery shells with the incendiary agent white phosphorus into Gaza and a doctor there said the chemical was suspected in the case of 10 burn victims who had skin peeling off their faces and bodies.

Researchers in Israel from the rights group witnessed hours of artillery bombardments that sent trails of burning smoke indicating white phosphorus over the Jebaliya refugee camp in northern Gaza. But they could not confirm injuries on the ground because they have been barred from entering the territory.

The chief doctor at Nasser Hospital in southern Gaza said he treated several victims there with serious burns that might have been caused by phosphorus. He said, however, that he did not have the resources or expertise to say with certainty what caused the injuries.

The substance can cause serious burns if it touches the skin and can spark fires on the ground, the rights group said in a written statement calling on Israel not to use it in crowded areas of Gaza.

Military spokeswoman Maj. Avital Leibovich refused to comment directly on whether Israel was using phosphorus, but said the army was "using its munitions in accordance with international law."

Israel used white phosphorus in its 34-day war with Hezbollah in Lebanon in 2006. The U.S. military in Iraq used the incendiary during a November 2004 operation against insurgents in the city of Fallujah.

An AP photographer and a TV crew based in Gaza visited Nasser Hospital in Khan Younis on Sunday and recorded images of several burn patients.

One of them, Haitham Tahseen, recalled sitting outside his home with his family in the morning when something exploded above them.

"Suddenly, I saw bombs coming with white smoke," said the man, whose burned face was covered with medical cream. "It looked very red and it had white smoke. That's the first time I've seen such a thing."

His cousin, in another hospital bed, was more severely burned, with patches of skin peeling off his face and body, and had to be wrapped with thick white bandages.

The hospital's chief doctor, Youssef Abu Rish, said the burns were not from contact with fire, but he couldn't say what sort of substance caused them. He said information he collected on the Internet indicated it could have been white phosphorus.

White phosphorus is not considered a chemical weapon, and militaries are permitted under laws of warfare to use it in artillery shells, bombs and rockets to create smoke screens to hide troop movements as well as bright bursts in the air to illuminate battlefields at night.

Israel is not party to a convention regulating its use. Under customary laws of war, however, Israel would be expected to take all feasible precautions to minimize the impact of white phosphorus on civilians, Human Rights Watch said.

"What we're saying is the use of white phosphorus in densely populated areas like a refugee camp is showing that the Israelis are not taking all feasible precautions," said Marc Garlasco, a senior military analyst for the rights group. "It's just an unnecessary risk to the civilian population, not only in the potential for wounds but also for burning homes and infrastructure."

Garlasco was among researchers on a ridge about a mile (1.5 kilometers) from the Gaza border who observed the shelling from a 155mm artillery unit on Friday and Saturday.

Some of the burning trails of smoke caused fires on the ground that appeared to go out after a few minutes, said Garlasco, who formerly worked at the Pentagon where he was in charge of recommending high-value targets for airstrikes during the 2003 invasion of Iraq.

Each 155mm shell contains 116 of what Garlasco described as wafers doused in phosphorus that can be spread over an area as large as a sports field, depending on the height at which it detonates. The phosphorus ignites when it comes in contact with oxygen.

Human Rights Watch has not been able to confirm whether there have been any civilian casualties from phosphorus. The group has a consultant working for it inside Gaza but he has been unable to move around due to the danger. Foreign journalists have also been barred from entering Gaza.

Garlasco said photos published Thursday in British newspaper The Times showed Israeli units handling American-manufactured white phosphorus shells with fuses on them.

Will you help us buy a NY Times full page ad on Gaza?

2009-01-06T18:25:00.000-08:00

Will you help us buy a full page ad in the NY Times calling
for a cease fire and for president-elect Obama to call for an
international conference to once and for all provide a settlement to the
Israel/Palestine conflict and to create peace with all Israel's neighbors?

Even if you don't have any money, you can sign the ad. But it
will only become an ad if we can raise about $60,000,and that will take us
little people stretching our pocket books far beyond our normal
capacities. Could you donate $1,000? $500? $300? $100? $50? $25? Whatever
you can afford would be important and helpful.

You can read the text of the ad by clicking on the link at the
left hand side of the www.tikkun.org home page and then following links
from there to the plain text, or to see what it would look like as a full
page ad. You can sign up and donate there. Or you can send a check to
Tikkun or your credit card info (including expiration date and security
code) to Peace Ad, c/o Tikkun, 2342 Shattuck Ave, Suite 1200, Berkeley,
Ca. 94704. Or you can call in your credit card info to Kay@tikkun.org: 510
644 1200 9-5 Pacific Standard Time.

Timing is everything-we need to move as quickly as possible.
Send this request to everyone on all of your email lists, PLEASE. Remind
them that even if they don't have a penny to their names, they can still
sign the ad at www.tikkun.org.

Many thanks for your continued support. Together we are
already making a difference!

Love and blessings,

Michael

Rabbi Michael Lerner
RabbiLerner@ Tikkun.org

Palestine

2009-01-04T18:48:00.000-08:00

This is what I think about when I read about what is happening this week in Palestine...

Palestinians react outside Shifa hospital in Gaza City, after hearing the news that their loved one was killed during the Israeli army operation in Gaza, Sunday Jan. 4, 2009. Israeli ground troops and tanks cut swaths through the Gaza Strip Sunday, bisecting the coastal territory and surrounding its biggest city.(AP Photo/Ashraf Amra)

A Palestinian medic carries a child, injured during the Israeli army operation in Gaza, into Kamal Adwan Hospital in Beit Lahiya, northern Gaza Strip, Sunday, Jan. 4, 2009. Israeli ground troops and tanks cut swaths through the Gaza Strip early Sunday, cutting the coastal territory into two and surrounding its biggest city as the new phase of a devastating offensive against Hamas militants gained momentum.(AP Photo/Fadi Adwan)

A Palestinian girl cries during the funeral of her brother who was killed after an Israeli air strike in the northern Gaza Strip January 4, 2009.(Ismail Zaydah/Reuters)

No such word as "can't"

2008-11-01T05:18:00.000-07:00

There’s no such word as can’t.

This was the mantra my brother and mother instilled in me in early childhood. If I ever said “I can’t” my family would immediately correct me and tell me there was no such word. Of course, as a kid I would intellectualize that and argue back that there was in fact such a phrase that existed in the English language. Still, it stuck with me. Perhaps that is why I am so headstrong and oppositional today. That is what will allow me to finish this marathon. Not so much fitness but really stubbornness.

I was born with a mild case of cerebral palsy (CP) so I spent the first 4 years of my life in intensive physical therapy, speech therapy, the orthopedist’s office and in Cardinal Glennon children’s hospital in St Louis. Ironically -- all very positive memories. Physical therapists still hold a very warm spot in my heart. I ambulated at home with my arms and butt scooting everywhere as my feet were in shoes attached to a board. My family told me stories of my climbing out of my crib with this board attached. Again stubbornness. No one is making me stay in this crib! Though as mother it makes me cringe to think of what could have happened! My mother and brother spent so much time with me, teaching me, getting me to walk and be normal. By about 4 1/2 I was normal- walking without devices and talking up a storm. The only thing different was I was not much of an athlete. That was what was left of the CP according to my mother. I could not run like the other kids.

I have been struggling with self doubt this week and forgetting my roots, forgetting how much I really did train.

I forgot that there is no such word as can’t.

My mother is no longer here. I wish she could see her daughter run this marathon. I’m sure the contrast between a 3 year old attached to a board and a grown woman finishing a 26.2 mile running course would be astounding to her. I hold onto this as I enter this marathon tomorrow.

There’s no such word as can’t.

In exactly 7 days I will be finishing....

2008-10-26T12:54:00.000-07:00

I am going through the anxiety just letting it flow. I woke up last night at 3am after several marathon dreams/nightmares. One where I missed the start because I was still in CA time and became confused about the time change. The other I forgot my gels and had no water or nutrition. As I sit here and chat with my best friend in St Louis watching NYC marathon videos, I am feeling more inspired. This will be the biggest party ever in the best city ever. I have my gels, more than enough! I bought some arm warmers. Just need the thrift store items and words of encouragement.

http://inmotion.magnumphotos.com/essay/marathon07?lg=popup

above is a neat photo journal of a marathon runner's experience.

9 days?

2008-10-23T17:57:00.000-07:00

Really? That's what the NY marathon emails I receive said today. Tapering has been nice. I still worry but am letting go of that. I guess it's all normal.
Now it's down to the final planning--

Download music for my mp3-I have a list
Get some thick, warm clothes at the thrift store that I can donate on the race. We will spend about 3 hours on Staten Island freezing before the race starts.
Get more Powergel (strawberry/banana)
Put rubberbands on my running belt for gels and try it
Pack bag of warm clothes for after race party
Fundraise!
Email supporters with an update
Laminate little words of support received from friends and family and picture of my kids-making something I can read/see when I hit mile 15
Hydrate
Carbo load
stretch

17 days (the confidence is waning)

2008-10-16T17:49:00.000-07:00

until I run 26.2 miles with 39,000 of my closest friends. I ran 24 miles 2 weeks ago. I was thrilled. I didn't think I could do it but I did. Since then I have been recovering. It has been longer and more challenging than I had anticipated. I thought I could throw down another 20 miler 2 weeks later but no way. Each day is getting easier. I am doing some myofascial release work to get move more water to my muscles. I am in taper weeks. I run about 5 miles every day to every other day. I am hoping to do something a little longer. It's hard because I am so anxious. I am so afraid I cant do the race. What if I lose my conditioning? I lost about a week after that long run due to severe pain in my lower leg and overall muscle fatigue. It was supposed to be my last high milage week before taper. So my confidence is low. 5 mile runs feel hard. How will 26.2 feel? I'll do it htough. I always do.

Below is my expericne running the 24...

My plan was 22 miles but if I did 4 full laps around it would be 24, so why
not? I was beginning to feel doubt at my ability to do this marathon. 20
was hard, how could I do 6 more? Well I could. I could do as many more
as I needed. The first 6 were challenging. Once I was settled the next 6
were quite fun. I enjoyed seeing many runners and bikers in the park,
rain and all. These were the marathon runners doing exactly what I was
doing. It was inspiring and intimidating. The 3rd set of 6..well another
story. I have learned that I hit the wall at about mile 15 since I
started running over 15 miles. That day 15.5. I just couldn’t do it. I
walked up a hill, sat on a rock and cried my eyes out. I needed
something, some sort of inspiration. Some divine intervention because
there was nothing left inside. Why was I doing this? I’d like o say I
thought of the children at the camp but I didn’t. I was so beat up I
could barely think just feel. I cried and cried until nothing was left.
I took a deep breath and just started running. I felt a huge release and
I was ready to go.

It was my final 6 miles. And that went by fast. I was the most
determined I had been in a long time. I have not felt this strong for
months. I was going to do it. I was NOT going to stop. Mile 19—the
spot where most runners hit the wall. I was happy and cruising. I was
past my wall. I was listening to music singing along. The rain was
coming down and it felt great. I love this park! Mile 20..only 4 more,
not even a 10K. mile 22, I’m doing it. Holy cow I AM doing it! I only
have 2 more then I am done. 23 and the last mile is uphill, one of the
hardest and longest in the park. I do it, no problem. It’s tiring, my
legs are slowing down but I tell myself to keep going. Just keep
running….just keep running… and there it is. 24.00 miles.
I stop.
I did it!
I hurt…oh my gosh do I hurt. I think I need to run more because it
hurts too much to walk or stop. Pacing back and forth trying to figure
out what to do with these pulverized legs of mine. How about a drink,
fig bar or a gel or something? I stumble to the park bench and sit for a
few minutes. Sitting feels good but not for long. Then I remember that I
must stretch no matter what or I will never make it home. I stretch, eat
and hobble to my car.
I did it.
I ran 24 miles.
I will finish this marathon no problem.

24 days until the NYC Marathon

2008-10-08T05:13:00.001-07:00

And I am feeling this little panic deep inside.

I have my wave start time, my number and should be receiving my card in the mail next week.

Yikes.

Paul Newman - an inspiration to us all

2008-09-28T04:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday after my longest run (24 miles)...quite significant, I learned of Paul Newman's death. I am deeply saddened. Please take a moment to read below about what an inspiration this has been. He truly lived his heart. Something I aspire to do.

The Association of Hole in the Wall Camps joins the Newman family,
friends and fans in celebrating the life and legacy of Paul Newman.

For more than 20 years, Paul Newman has been the heart and soul of Hole in the Wall Camps. His endless passion coupled with his selfless commitment to the welfare of children living with serious medical illnesses has been inspirational to people everywhere. Paul’s boundless enthusiasm for life and his vigor for helping those less fortunate were enormous and touched lives throughout the world. The Association of Hole in the Wall Camps is part of his living legacy that will continue to thrive. Paul’s leadership, compassion and motivational spirit can never be replaced, but he has left us strong and confident. Through the many camper smiles we witness each and every day, Paul’s dream lives on.

A Tribute To Our Founder
click here

To honor Paul's commitment, devotion and passion for the family of camps

click here

Our family of camps

Click here to Learn More

Sarah Palin

2008-09-18T14:58:00.000-07:00

Let's remember that she wanted rape survivors to pay for their own rape examination kits!

Eve Ensler, the American playwright, wrote the following about Sarah Palin.

Drill, Drill, Drill

I am having Sarah Palin nightmares. I dreamt last night that she was a member of a club where they rode snowmobiles and wore the claws of drowned and starved polar bears around their necks. I have a particular thing for Polar Bears. Maybe it's their snowy whiteness or their bigness or the fact that they live in the arctic or that I have never seen one in person or touched one. Maybe it is the fact that they live so comfortably on ice. Whatever it is, I need the polar bears.

I don't like raging at women. I am a Feminist and have spent my life trying to build community, help empower women and stop violence against them. It is hard to write about Sarah Palin. This is why the Sarah Palin choice was all the more insidious and cynical. The people who made this choice count on the goodness and solidarity of Feminists.

But everything Sarah Palin believes in and practices is antithetical to Feminism which for me is part of one story -- connected to saving the earth, ending racism, empowering women, giving young girls options, opening our minds, deepening tolerance, and ending violence and war.

I believe that the McCain/Palin ticket is one of the most dangerous choices of my lifetime, and should this country chose those candidates the fall-out may be so great, the destruction so vast in so many areas that America may never recover. But what is equally disturbing is the impact that duo would have on the rest of the world. Unfortunately, this is not a joke. In my lifetime I have seen the clownish, the inept, the bizarre be elected to the presidency with regularity.

Sarah Palin does not believe in evolution. I take this as a metaphor. In her world and the world of Fundamentalists nothing changes or gets better or evolves. She does not believe in global warming. The melting of the arctic, the storms that are destroying our cities, the pollution and rise of cancers, are all part of God's plan. She is fighting to take the polar bears off the endangered species list. The earth, in Palin's view, is here to be taken and plundered. The wolves and the bears are here to be shot and plundered. The oil is here to be taken and plundered. Iraq is here to be taken and plundered. As she said herself of the Iraqi war, "It was a task from God."

Sarah Palin does not believe in abortion. She does not believe women who are raped and incested and ripped open against their will should have a right to determine whether they have their rapist's baby or not.

She obviously does not believe in sex education or birth control. I imagine her daughter was practicing abstinence and we know how many babies that makes.

Sarah Palin does not much believe in thinking. From what I gather she has tried to ban books from the library, has a tendency to dispense with people who think independently. She cannot tolerate an environment of ambiguity and difference. This is a woman who could and might very well be the next president of the United States. She would govern one of the most diverse populations on the earth.

Sarah believes in guns. She has her own custom Austrian hunting rifle. She has been known to kill 40 caribou at a clip. She has shot hundreds of wolves from the air.

Sarah believes in God. That is of course her right, her private right. But when God and Guns come together in the public sector, when war is declared in God's name, when the rights of women are denied in his name, that is the end of separation of church and state and the undoing of everything America has ever tried to be.

I write to my sisters. I write because I believe we hold this election in our hands. This vote is a vote that will determine the future not just of the U.S., but of the planet. It will determine whether we create policies to save the earth or make it forever uninhabitable for humans. It will determine whether we move towards dialogue and diplomacy in the world or whether we escalate violence through invasion, undermining and attack. It will determine whether we go for oil, strip mining, coal burning or invest our money in alternatives that will free us from dependency and destruction. It will determine if money gets spent on education and healthcare or whether we build more and more methods of killing. It will determine whether America is a free open tolerant society or a closed place of fear, fundamentalism and aggression.

If the Polar Bears don't move you to go and do everything in your power to get Obama elected then consider the chant that filled the hall after Palin spoke at the RNC, "Drill Drill Drill." I think of teeth when I think of drills. I think of rape. I think of destruction. I think of domination. I think of military exercises that force mindless repetition, emptying the brain of analysis, doubt, ambiguity or dissent. I think of pain.

Do we want a future of drilling? More holes in the ozone, in the floor of the sea, more holes in our thinking, in the trust between nations and peoples, more holes in the fabric of this precious thing we call life?

Eve Ensler

September 5, 2008

20 miles and going...

2008-09-16T19:08:00.000-07:00

Sunday I ran 20 miles. It was hard but not miserable. I left at 5am and loved how quiet the main road was. It's usually a busy road alongside a shopping mall near a parkway on and offramp. There was no one on the road. Serenity in the city. The first 10 miles were hard. I started out too fast. The second not so bad. I have been experimenting with nutrition with gels, candy and sports drink. the gels are not pleasant but do the job. I really like the gatorade powder packs straight.

By mile 15 I got stressed about time. I needed to be back in time for James to get to church. It was his first day up front and I was NOT going to miss that. I had stopped and slowed down a lot. It was really humid. Along with that stress at 15 I hit the wall. Why am I doing this? Man, when I finish this marathon I am done. No more running. And where is the Novocaine? I need Novocaine to numb the pain. And why is that buff guy across the street running so fast, sweating like a pig and still smiling and friendly? Okay, make the music louder, sing with the music. I see the main road where he malls are. Only 3 miles left! I am elated. I turn on Old Country Rd and know this is the final stretch. I inadvertently run faster and after a mile I am hyperventilating. Oh well. Almost home. For the last few miles I have been talking to myself out loud. I realize I past mile 19 and I never hit the mile 19 wall. Guess I saw the wall at 15. Mile 19 was fabulous. I made it home and ran a total of 20.20. The kids came out to greet me. Byron high fived me. Luna asked how many I ran. I tell her 20. She says, "Wow Mom, you are going to finish that marathon!!!" Once when I did 16 she wasn't so encouraging, "Mom, you still have 10 more to go."

I had about 5 min to shower and get out the door to make it to church on time.

We made it about 10 min late. Oh it hurt and I mean hurt to get out of the car. We make it to the balcony in the church and I see James. He sees us and smiles. We didn't miss much. Except that before e arrived James mentor announced to the entire congregation that I ran 20 miles and would be a little late.

Today I did an easy 4-ish mile run. It was great. I have not felt that good in so long. I was honestly getting tired of this. It was a chore that I needed to complete. But tonight was nice. James and I chatted the whole time. I felt good the entire time.

Tomorrow I will run 7 from work to home.

7 weeks til the marathon!

Long Run in Central Park-18 miles!

2008-08-31T14:46:00.001-07:00

Oh I love NY. I hopped on the train to the subway and did a group run in Central Park this morning with Team Hole in the Wall. There were so many others running and cycling in the park---so many shapes, sizes and paces. I completed 18 miles (6 mile loop x3).

It was a far more positive experience than my last two weekly long runs.

The last two I didn't have my hydration and nutrition figured out so by the last 2 miles I was crying and hurting pretty bad. Last week I hit the lowest point of my training and really didn't want to run anymore. I had decided I like up to 15 miles but anything past that was awful. How in the world am I going to do 26.2????? That was the hardest 17 miles (the first half was uphill and I shared 32 oz of water with Byron---not nearly enough). On my last shorter run (9 miles) last Wednesday where I run the speed I'd like to run in the marathon (pace run) I tripped on the sidewalk and landed face first at mile 8. I got scratched up pretty badly and I don't think I broke my nose but it's still sore. I managed to run the last mile after some fussing and encouragement from James. I was afraid to run after that, especially at night and took a few days off.

So today was really nice and brought me back to why I am running and what I love about it.

Sure it hurt by mile 15.5 and sure I wanted to be finished. But I loved taking in the beauty of Central Park knowing that today would be the furthest I have ever run. I got to talk with my Team hole in the Wall trainer for 6 miles. That was fun getting to know her. In two weeks we have another group run at the park. I am going for 20 then.

CA running route pics

2008-08-25T16:52:00.000-07:00

I am posting the pics from my favortie running route in California. This is a nice rolling 10 mile loop out of town past redwood trees, pastures animals and plants. The last few weeks I was in CA I ran this at 5:30 am. I ran my first 10 miler here with James.

CA running route pics

2008-08-25T16:49:00.000-07:00

CA running route pics

2008-08-25T16:47:00.000-07:00

CA running route pics 1

2008-08-25T16:46:00.000-07:00

Animals I met on my old run.

Off to NY!

2008-07-31T19:18:00.000-07:00

It's time to start our adventure in NY. We move tomorrow. Tonight was my last night of work and it was very heartwarming. My supervisor brought me a cake, goodies and gave me an amazing critical care resource, a coworker made a vegan berry crumble and brought soy ice cream, colleagues gave me chocolate and a really nice encouraging card. And many.... many hugs. What wonderful place this has been. I love being a nurse here. Thanks everyone!

The last two days I have been packing, cleaning and painting so the running took a break. I did have a wonderful 3 mile easy run in the Bay Area along Lake Merritt. Tomorrow I plan to get up really early and do a 10 mile on my favorite route before the drive to San Diego. Last week I did 13 out there and thought it was my last time there. I want to do it once more. I love that spot and hope to capture some pictures along my way.

Running again

2008-07-13T19:00:00.001-07:00

The smoke is clearing but not yet gone. I am able to run outside and along my favorite route in the valley *hooray!* It's hard and I am not sure if I should attribute it to smoke I cannot smell or losing some of my base. Either way I am happy to be out again.

I ran a wonderful 11-miler on the coast in the redwoods again last week. Clear, cool air and spectacular views. My goal was 10 miles but I felt great and kept going. I could have gone further but James and the children finished and would have to wait longer for me.

Today's long run was difficult. I planeed to do 10-12 miles. I ran in the valley too late. It was 90 degrees. I started at 80-85 thinking it would be good to adapt as NY will be so humid. Afterall, I ran and biked last summer in 95 degrees regularly for the triathlon. The distances were shorter though. I learned that I need to slowly adapt to heat as I have grwon accustomed to running in cool temperatures. I bonked 4 miles in and let myself rest, hydrate and cool off. I was energized for 2 more miles, stopped to cool off and rehydrate and continued. I made it past the hills which didn't bother me. Then I bonked again and felt really weird. Not the same as previous runs. No leg pain, shortness of breath, just overall wierd. The sun felt worse and I was desperately looking for some shadows to run through. Any shade was good shade. I saw a car like ours and believed James somehow knew and was coming to get me. It wasn't. I cried and stopped. Only 2 more miles. I called him asking him to come and get me. hearing his voice helped. I decided I would continue running until I saw him. Maybe I could make it to the car before he got here. I stopped once and realized it was easier running as there was a breeze whenI ran and none when I stopped and stood in the beating sun. Wow. It was even hotter there. I saw the sheep and said hello and how I wished I could just lay out there with them under the tree. I saw the car. I knew it was him. I also realized I was starting to lose it. I couldn't run along the straight white line. I felt dizzy. The car was cool and I was happy he came. It hasn't hit me that I essentially gave up today. maybe I will rationalize it was simply too hot at this point.

My "official" training plan begins tomorrow. Funds are coming in and I am meeting my goal of raising 2/3 before I leave for NY. Only a few hundred shy of $2000. My heart fills with warmth from the genrosity of so many.

I am nervous. The NYC marathon is real now and honestly scares me. I have been reading the NY marathon and Team Hole in the Wall websites and everytime I start to well up. I also wonder if I can really do it? I have to.

This week's schedule (26 miles):

M: x-train (swim and weights)
T: easy 3 mi
W: tempo 6 mi
Th: easy 3 mi + weights
F: rest
Sa:easy 6 mi
Su: Long 8 mi

What have I done?

2008-06-28T10:37:00.000-07:00

What have I gotten myself into? The challenge will not be the 26.2 miles but running with a crowd! Here is the NYC marathon inspiration video and a video of the route.

All this smoke

2008-06-27T22:26:00.000-07:00

For most of this month I have been building my running base doing speedwork, hillwork and increasing my distances. The fundraising is fair. Still much more to raise! People who I would never expect are giving which is great. I feel encouraged and proud. So help a kid, PLEASE!!!

Ironically on my last long run I was feeling burnt out. I wanted a break from running and thought long and hard about biking and swimming instead for a few days. i struggled though with worry about what would happen to my base if I skipped more than 3 days. I am at a point now where I can throw down 10 miles with some hills anytime anywhere and not feel like I am going to die. I wanted to move that to 15 miles. I was so close last week.

Next day, we have a devastating lightning storm setting fires to acres and acres in the county. Smoke fills the air. Warnings that NORMAL people are NOT to go outdoors and exercise. Ironically I got my wish for a running break. I hate the treadmill. So I threw my energy into my final assignments for the FNP program hoping to finish early.

That was last week. the smoke continues and worsens. More fires. Shit, we even have our precious things(photo albums) sitting on the sofa in case there is an evacuation warning for our area. Each night after work the air feels clear and I think tomorrow I can finally run. I wake up to smoke filled air, closed windows and a stuffy house. The air looks worse everyday.

Today I realized in my heart that I will probably not run my favorite route far out into the valley past the sheep and miniature horses the remainder of the time we are here (1 month). I looked down the road today and the smoke was thick in the valley. Word is the smoke will take at least a month to clear. I am sad. I am attached ot that route.

I went to the health club and swam 1000 yards today. It felt good. haven't swam (swum?) since winter and felt how strong my legs have become. Last week we did go to the coast where the air is clear and ran a 10K in the redwoods. that was nice. the kids rode their mountain bikes with us and paced us.

I guess I have to redo the training plan. Perhaps some mini triathlons at the health club trying to last on the treadmill as long as I can (I feel like I will die of boredom on that thing) and weekly trips t the coast or long runs.

*sigh*

Let's run the New York Marathon!!!!

2008-05-30T22:35:00.000-07:00

I'm going to do it. I am going to run 26.2 miles in November for Team Hole in the Wall. This is a really amazing camp where in a nurturing carefree, physically safe and medically sound setting, children with serious life threatening illnesses can just be kids. I had seen the ads for this group in Runner's World over the last year and always thought they were an incredible organization. Now I have the honor of running to raise funds to send a child to camp. I need to raise at least $3000 to send one child, free of charge to them, to camp.

You can be a part of this too!
* Make a donation
* Contact your friends, family and coworkers to donate
* Host a fundraiser

In return you will allow a child to go to camp and be part of a marathon experience...my first!

So here is how you can help.
Go to my Team Hole in the Wall
Click "support Cecily"
Make a donation
then have your friends and family donate

NY marathon?

2008-05-17T21:14:00.000-07:00

Just registered for the lottery for entry in the New York Marathon. I'll know mid-June if I get in. After Byron's luck with Escape from Alcatraz, anything can happen. If I can raise $3000 I can race for a charity and be guaranteed admission to the marathon which would be great. I wonder if I can raise that much.

James and I are also looking at the Philadelphia Marathon as well as the Hamptons Marathon. I have been eyeing the Hamptons one for a while. It's a little soon (September) whereas NYC is Nov 3 and Philly is late Nov.

Can't imagine actually doing this!

We did it! (pics too)

2008-05-04T15:56:00.000-07:00

We did it! Byron and I finished the American River Parkway Half Marathon. Byron kept his 10K time. I was faster than most of my training times but slower than my 10K by less than 1min/mile.

I was so nervous starting. There were so many people there. I was fearful that I would have leg pain, trouble breathing or really just lack mental stamina. I did not want to straggle in last. James and the kids managed to come too despite their illnesses. I felt both guilty but happy to be with them. The children really wanted to go which was the deciding factor of all of this. Liam cried when I was leaving and agreed to rest in the car.

I started and was among 2 boisterous teams of women who ran 4 minutes and walked 1 minute. That was fun for a bit. My calves started hurting again but not as bad. It subsided by 2.5 miles. The path was incredible. Open at times with the sun and other times nestled in the trees. No cars!!!! We passed by drummers and a lot of water and Gatorade stations. Something I really appreciated. In my training I had placed water bottles at miles 4 and 8 so it was nice to just have something every mile or so. I looked for Byron on the turnaround hoping to cheer him on. I never saw him. He was far ahead. I did well the first half and got teary eyed on the turnaround. I made it halfway. People were cheering that we were headed towards the finish now. Wow. I might actually do this.

The second half was hard and got worse the closer I got to the finish line. I was ready to be done at mile 10. Really ready. I was tired. Most of the run, I never really got into my rhythm. I was distracted by all of the people. It was hard to keep running when they would walk. I would pas them, they would start running and pass me. We did this the whole way. At times when I realized we were approximating the same speed I thought, I could just do what they are doing, finish at the same time and expend far less energy. But I was here to run the whole way…my personal challenge. Afterall, why did I spend the last month increasing my distance religiously? When I started losing it I was jealous that they looked so refreshed and happy at mile 10 and I was dying. It just wasn’t fair! Some of them had makeup still intact! Okay, so I ran the whole way but slow enough their run/walks stayed in pace with my run. And the first group was way behind me.

I had to tell myself to stop competing. I was doing this for me, to finish, to run the whole time, to have fun. My marathon runner friend, Melissa told me to run slow and finish strong. I tried to hang onto that. I certainly will not finish near the end. I knew that but still grew competitive which took the joy of running away. I found a nice place with my training where I’d let go and really love the long runs. I forgot the Pogues song I would sing to myself on practice runs. So I chanted “I’m strong… I’m strong…I’m strong…” with my breaths and ran along the yellow line. Mile 12. That last mile seemed longer than the entire run! I told myself to not pay attention to the mile markers which in races drive me insane. But they were there in big green ink and I can’t miss them if I tried. 1 more to go, really 1.1 to go. I wanted to quit there. I was done. I could walk now and it would be respectable, right? No, no, no absolutely not. I worked too hard. I trudged along and there was NO way I was going to stop at the next water station for water. I knew if I did it would be over. However, I was very very thirsty. The aid station was here. I gave in, stopped and drank. I drank 3 cups of water and wanted more. Shit! My legs are numb and stiff and I don’t even know if I can walk. I walked a few feet, shook out my legs and ran. I WILL finish running. I had a sick family here waiting for me at the finish. I stopped a few minutes later, collected myself and started running again and heard others say they could see mile 13 and the finish around the corner. It still seemed so desolate to have the finish so soon. But 12 was a long time ago. One the teammates of the walk-runners told them to walk up the hill then give it everything they have to the finish. Oh…well then I will give it *everything* I have. The finish is around the corner and I will not let her beat me.

I came around the corner and over the hill. I saw 13, a cheering crowd and the finish a little further away. I started crying really hard and couldn’t breath at all from the crying. I ran as hard as I could. I saw my family, sobbed harder. I wanted to take them with me to the finish but I knew if I slowed down now I’d stop for good. I waved at them and kept my eyes on the finish. The finish line was clear this time. I looked at my time on the clock but it never registered in my brain what it was. A little girl gave me a finisher’s medal and someone else cut off my timing chip. I could barely lift my leg on the stool for them to cut it. I saw Luna and Liam and hugged them tight while sobbing. It felt so good to hold them and see them. I looked for Byron and James. I hugged James and cried. He thought I was upset and kept telling me I did well. No, James, I did this. I actually finished. Those last 2 miles were the hardest of the entire run. I wasn’t sure if I really would finish running.

And there was Byron looking great with a big smile. He finished long before I did. We did it!

So now what? I want to do another one in the next two months, train for the Ukiah triathlon (it’s that time again!) and if I continue on at this rate I want to do a full marathon (26.2) in NY in the fall.

Anxiety

2008-05-02T20:02:00.000-07:00

I had not planned on the anxiety I am currently experiencing. My stomach is jumping and my heart is pounding as I pack.

Tomorrow I have the 1/2 marathon...bright and early and 3 hours away. I leave at 4am. I tapered this week and am afraid that I did not run enough and what if I lost what I had for the last 3.5 weeks? Maybe I should have kept my routine runs. I know better but it still looms inside. I was nowhere near this anxious for the triathlon. Yesterday, I ran a 5K on the course here. It was just as challenging as it always had been. I expected it to be easier because I can run longer and it was only a 5K. But it was hard and I had issues with my breathing which I thought I had well under control. The longer runs felt easier on my lungs. Throughout the week I longed for my longer runs. I wanted to do 10 miles yesterday but did not want to risk anything for tomorrow. On a positive note I think my shins are healed. No pain this week. I figured out it was shin splints. I guess tapering was a good thing.

The two little ones are sick with the flu and James is coming down with it too. Looks like it is simply Byron and I tomorrow. I thought about just skipping the 1/2 marathon and running my own 13.1 here on the familiar country roads. At the same time I had dreams about oversleeping and missing it and feeling crushed.
James told me I was going no matter what when I expressed my ambivalence. I feel guilty leaving the sick family behind for this and I am looking for a way out so I don;'t have to face my fear. Fear of what?

We will stay the weekend as Byron has a really neat swim in the SF bay on Sunday. 2.5 miles!!! It's a practice group swim.

To bed I go.

Training Log-Almost there! 29.8 this week

2008-04-29T00:48:00.001-07:00

Less than 1 week left until my first half-marathon. This week I ran a total of 29.8 miles -- 8.2 miles, 9.6miles and 12 miles. I was pretty sore immediately after the 12 mile run. The run itself was fine except the last 3 runs I have had this horrendous bilateral shin pain for the 1st two miles. After I stop and stretch the remainder of the run is fine. I figured out it is from not enough calf stretching prior to my runs. I guess this month has built some muscles. and with that comes tightness.

I am confident that I will do fine on Saturday. I know I can run 13.1. If I continue training like this I can do a full marathon in no time. I can actually see myself doing one.

Training log-10 miles today, 26 this week

2008-04-20T21:30:00.000-07:00

This week I ran 26.15 miles. I did 8.15 miles, 8 miles and then 10. Tonight I did that 10 WITH hills. It was the most I have ever run. My heart rate stayed at about 180, a bit high and anaerobic but it confirmed that my perceived effort is right on track. I felt pretty good the whole time until the last 3/4 mile which felt longer than the entire run. It was dark and I was beginning to lose my head. The stop signs were far to suggestive. Then I turned the final corner and sprinted to my car. I did it! I just ran 10! I felt I needed to run 10 at least once to feel like the 1/2 marathon was a reality. What was even better was James ran with me. We chatted a lot until the last few miles. That was fun.

Back to training- 1/2 marathon

2008-04-07T15:25:00.000-07:00

Now that I have returned to regular life I am training for a 1/2 marathon (13.1 miles). I had thought about it and kept up with running over the winter but really committed to it after watching the runners in Edinburgh. Today I registered for the actual race in Sacramento. Paid and non refundable. I guess I am really committed. I have almost 4 weeks (26 days) to complete training. Last week I did my full schedule and logged about 20 running miles. I ran my longest yesterday which was about 7 miles. I was in the Marin Headlands with nice rolling hills and sandy beaches. Wow, that was tough!!!!! I like flat. I really like flat! I'm still new to this whole running thing. The sand was a whole other experience. Challenging. I loved being near the ocean but I was happy when I was back on dirt. I was proud when I finished. 11 months ago I could barely run 1/4 mile and here I am running 7 and seeing that 13 is in sight.

Going Home to California

2008-04-02T14:36:00.000-07:00

Monday March 31, 2008
It’s the end of our trip. We have about 2 more hours in London before I leave on my flight. James leaves 2 hours after I do. We hurry to Paddington station. I had to get the children a Paddington bear from Paddington station. Paddington is something (someone) very near and dear to my heart from my own childhood. I meant to do this last time I was in London. Unfortunately that was our only time to tour London. The airport was uneventful bordering on annoying with the lines. All went well.

I got on the plane excited to see Byron, Luna and Liam and Andie. I can’t wait to see them, hear their voices and hug them. I missed them terribly. At the same time I had a wonderful time with James and feel a special connection to Europe and him. I want to return soon. I want to return to Ireland with the children again. I often say that if McCain wins the presidency we should move to Ireland or Vancouver. As the US gets worse, I take those sentiments more seriously.

On the plane I think of where our next trip will be. I feel a pull to return to Europe but as I am reading Barack Obama’s autobiography, Dreams from my Father I feel an even stronger tug to go to the Philippines where my father was born. I have yet to go there to feel my culture. I fantasize about returning. Do I go with the whole family? I would like to travel with my brother. Should I just go with my brother and Byron since Byron is the oldest? Or all the children so they can experience that part of their heritage? James has a Unitarian tie there too. We’ll see.

I reflect on what I liked and did not like about this trip. I loved the whole trip. It was exactly how I dreamed it to be. James says this too. My favorites were Inis Mor (of course), spending time with Csaba and Eva and surprisingly Edinburgh. I had no idea I would fall in love with that place. Of course the pub experiences and people we met were priceless. I regret not running the 5K, getting pictures and contact info for everyone we met and asking Joel form the hostel at Inis Mor his story. Otherwise, it was wonderful. James and I are great travel buddies/partners/lovers. Cal and his brother thought we just got married. “You are so in love and so young. I’d never imagine you had children! You seem like kids having fun!” We do, don’t we? I’m blessed.

I arrived at the San Francisco airport on time, get my luggage and go through customs easily. I get to the lobby and look for Heidi, Luna and Liam. There they are!!!! We run to each other and I pick up Luna and hug her tightly. She looks so cute and happy. I do the same with Liam. It’s so wonderful to see them again. They are chatty telling me about all of their adventures while we were gone. Heidi takes me to my car and the children and I return to the airport to wait for James who arrived 3 hours after I did. There is a cool map on the floor with selected world cities. We played a game hopping on cities we have visited. I am impressed how much the children know. We hopped on Paris, I asked what country is it. They mutually respond with France! They respond as if that is way too easy. So I try Budapest. Duh! Mom, it’s Hungary. Dublin? Mom, that’s where you were! Oslo? “That’s where we saw the fjords!” We hop around the world. James finally arrives. Luna took on the job of watching the screen to keep Liam and I informed. Here he comes. I missed him terribly! And it was only 12 hours we were apart! The kids run to him and hug him too. We are hungry. The children have been asking for Maggie Mudds the whole time (vegan ice cream sundaes in more flavors than one can imagine!). We get Ethiopain food at Café Axum and then a sundae at Maggies. Driving home was tough as J and I were both exhausted and at this point it was the middle of the night in the UK for us. We arrive home. Ah! Home!!! Byron is home and waiting for us. I open the door half asleep and there he is with a beautiful smile and ready for a hug. Ah! Home!

Pics from the train to London

2008-04-02T14:15:00.000-07:00

More IAAF pics

2008-04-02T14:11:00.000-07:00

Last day in Edinburgh-IAAF World Cross Country championship

2008-04-02T14:04:00.000-07:00

Sunday March 30, 2008
I woke up very tired. James asked if I wanted to go for a run. No way, I couldn’t even open my eyes and it was 6:30 am but since British summer time just changed over last night, it was actually 7:30 am. So we lay in bed a little longer. We got ready for breakfast. We get a discount at the café next to the hostel office. They have vegan haggis which is some sort of Scottish sausage. It was fabulous. The server at the café knew we were vegan and told us of other places that served vegan haggis. One place was a few doors up and had a whole selection of vegan cakes. I lit up and wanted to check it out. We did later and yes they had a lot of vegan food. Where were they a few nights ago?

We checked out, stored our bags and went to the IAAF world cross country championships. It was cold and rainy. I wonder how the athletes will run? We arrive at the event and see athletes warming up -- people from Ethiopia, Ireland, Britain, Palestine, USA, Canada, France, Morocco, Eritrea, Kenya, Brasil, Spain, and Scotland just to name a few. I was in awe of everyone. These are some of the best runners in the world. Their families are with them, some flying or wrapped in their country’s flag with pride. We go to the tent selling shirts. James sees another flyer that said there was a 5K run earlier in which we could have participated. What??!! I had wanted to do that but we never found on the website of there would be a public run. I would have surely gotten out of bed for that this morning. James said that we could have made it if we got up to run or at least finished our run when they began. *sigh* How frustrating. To have had the opportunity to run a 5 K here would have been incredible. It’s amazing being here anyway. Maybe we will run after the races. I rationalized that it was cold and rainy anyways.

The opening ceremonies began. I welled up when I saw how many countries were participating. The first of four races began, the junior womens’ 6K. They ran two short courses and one long which was around Haggis Knowe, a small but steep climb over a hill. These women flew right by me as I took photos. Some women were running barefoot. I of course looked for the stragglers feeling a sense of connection with them as I have yet to run with the pack. Even they flew by me. Then the next group, the junior men 8K—2 short courses and 2 long courses over Haggis. The flew by even faster. There were significantly more of them than the women. I was on the sideline and took a photo when the crowd of runners almost knocked my head back. Then I noticed a distinct smell. Someone in the run had a lot of cologne on. What? Who wears cologne on a run? It wasn’t a spectator. The aroma flew by with the runners. How interesting. The next lap around the cologne was no longer and replaced with regular sweaty body odor. That’s more what I expected. How funny. We moved to a different spot for the third group—the senior women’s 8K. My feet were muddy from the rains which were starting to clear. My hands are numb and teeth chattering but I am having a fabulous time. I am ready to run. I could use some hot tea though. These women run past with a speed I can not comprehend. We notice a women with glasses. James wanted me to get her picture for Luna. I get it. We run into our friends form the pub last night. Cal if with his brother and baby daughter. We say hello and give hugs. They are headed for food, we are headed to our spot for the last race. It was great to see them again. But again, I forgot a picture.

The last group was the most exciting, the senior mens’ 12K. Now why the men run further than the woman I don’t know. Are we really THAT genetically different? I start this discussion with James shortly before the race begins. The discussion ends there. Early in the race Kenenisa Bekele from Ethiopia lost his shoe. He is the three time 10,000 meter world champion and 2004 10,000 meter Olympic gold medalist. His competitor from Eritrea, Zersenay Terdese won last year’s world cross country championship. Bekele fell to 40th place in the run. No one expected him to catch up. He moved up to 30th. As the run progressed I stopped paying attention to the announcer talk of his defeat last year and how awful this is for him now. On the last lap, I got the picture of the winners coming in. Bekele had won the race and there was s huge distance between he and the rest of the runners. The crowd was elated.

I am exhilarated by the whole event from the runners to the bagpiper on top the hill to the scenery. I am re inspired to run. I wanted to run a ½ marathon in May but had second thoughts. I didn’t want to finish last so I thought I should wait and train longer increasing my speed. Then again maybe I was just looking for a way to be a coward here. After watching this, after having the privilege of watching the world’s fastest runners, after seeing them struggle and each and every one of them I could see they were giving it everything they had. They had sweat pouring down them after one lap, they had snot over their faces, their expressions were that of determination. Mud was everywhere on their legs. I could see they were digging in to those psychological places where we need to go to keep moving. After seeing them, I was re inspired. I can do the ½. I will train and I will work harder. It’s time to move from my comfort level and really give it all I have.

Time to take the train to London. We take a 5 hour train ride to London arriving late to our noisy but comfortable hostel.

Edinburgh pub experience

2008-04-02T13:49:00.000-07:00

Saturday March 29
We wake up to rain and decide to take an earlier bus back to Inverness. By the time we get ready the rain has stopped and there is some sun. The clouds are moving north, a good sign for us going south. How bad do we really want to go back to Edinburgh? We planned to return to see the world cross country championships tomorrow. I really do want to see it. But we could go elsewhere. We have a free day here. We could go down to London, Oxford, Cambridge or even north. We could go to Glasgow. Never been there. We get on the train to Edinburgh and ask if there is a train form Perth to Glasgow shortly after we arrive. There is one about 4 mins after our arrival. We could go to Glasgow. Glasgow is only about a 50 min train ride to Edinburgh. There is also South Indian curry there. We can eat masala dosa. Tempting. We decide to do it.

We arrive in Perth and realize that the south Indian restaurant is closed from 2-5. We will arrive in Glasgow at 2:15. There are other options. We arrive in Glasgow. It is not nearly as pretty as Edinburgh but has a hip personality to it. More industrial. More like a generic city. It is also cold and rainy. The shopping area is cute and classical. Much like other places we have been. We decide to walk about the city. That seems to work for us to see the most. We walked to the south Indian restaurant just to view the menu. We checked out the vegan restaurant at the edge of town. We see another Indian restaurant that also serves masala dosa and is open. It is very expensive though. About $24 for one dosa. Let’s move on and see what else Glasgow has. We find the planned south Indian restaurant and they do not even serve dosa. How awful it would have been if they were in fact open and we counted on dosa. So we move onto the vegan spot. It’s more of a health food store. The woman tells us of the café around the corner. We buy some vegan fudge and check out the café. It looks great but is also closing and no longer serving food. James saw a cheaper Indian restaurant and we decided to go there and then go to Edinburgh. The food was cheap, the ambiance was nice and the taste was excellent. We were happy and ready to go.

The train to Edinburgh is crowded. We can’t get a seat together. There is a table with 2 seats available. Two nice men offer. We sit with them. James is scattered from looking for a spot. One man looked a bit older, with a white beard and very distinguished with celtic tattoos. The other man was younger, more conservative in appearance. They immediately asked where we were from and the conversation took off from there. They were brothers. The younger man lives in Edinburgh as got married last week. The older brother was there for the wedding. He lived in Tazmania on land and hated the city. He was very earthy and passionate. His brother was intuitive, positive, social and warm. He reminded me of an adult Liam. He was a mountain climber and ran in several half marathons. He planned to run the London marathon in a few weeks. We had a long political discussion, mostly hearing how he and his brother differ in tactics but not philosophy. By the end of the ride we felt connected. We disembarked the train and James asked if they wanted to get a drink. Without any hesitation was a yes.

Cal was the younger brother’s name. We talked on the way to a pub named Hebrides. He had always wanted to go this bar. He told me about his daughter and what he did. He is an actor as well as his wife. I thought he was a therapist, philosopher or something like that from his personality. Of course I asked him about his work and in which films he was. He is in a local TV series called Holby Blue. We entered the bar and it was as if Cal knew everyone. He didn’t but he had such an outgoing magnetic personality. We had a round of Scottish Whisky and Guinness. The bar was small, cozy and vibrant. When we walked into the bar, Cal had interacted with this older woman as if she were his mother or aunt. He knew a few words of Gaelic and spoke them to her. She tried to talk with him in Gaelic and he had to let her know that he knew only a few phrases. So then he told her we were his friends from N. America and we wanted to learn some Scottish-gaelic. From there the woman talks with me. She told me of the many different kinds of whisky. (Cal had told me before this that the only one to drink is single malt scotch. Don’t try the others. He also insisted that Highland Park was THE whiskey but admitted that Jamieson was a good whiskey). The woman told me that some tasted like wildflower, others sweet, others dry. I asked what mine was, Highland Park single malt scotch. She said mine was a good one and on the sweeter side. She offered me a taste of hers which was made in the same area, the Orkney islands. It was far more dry and less sweet. I asked if she lived here in Edinburgh. She said “no, no, no, Edinburgh is too Anglo-Saxon. I live about 7 miles out on a hill where it is not so Anglo-Saxon.” There is discussion about James’s sweatshirt from the Buddhist school. It says “education is the nation’s best defense.” People are thrilled about that. The woman passionately speaks about how education is Scotland was once good until the Anglo-Saxons screwed it up. She loved the rest of the world but not the Anglo-Saxons. It used to be in order to teach in Scottish schools one had to have Scottish training but the English changed that.

Cal had made his brother take off a green Celtic Rangers scarf before we had entered the pub. He said football colors could lead to trouble and it was rather like tribal warfare. (Celtic is a Glasgow football club and Cal and his brother were both from Glasgow originally) Despite Cal’s advice to his brother, Cal still had a jersey on with a green Celtic collar that a boisterous drunk man in the pub recognized. It turned out that the man had also been born in Glasgow and was a Celtic fan with his own Celtic shirt under his jacket. Through the aid of beer goggles he thought that Cal looked like the Celtic team captain.

There was a group of Irish people near us, part of our group. They were here for a wedding. The boisterous, animated man was his brother’s best man. He told us stories. Sometimes I understood him, other times I could not understand a thing anyone was saying. Truly the scotch. Some people were singing. I asked the bartender if she knew what a carbomb was. A co-worker insisted I try it while traveling. It was a mix of alcohol with a caffeinated drink. She did not know what it was. I wasn’t going for the chocolate cake drink my coworker also mentioned. I’ll try again in London. We had a lot of conversations with people. One of the Irish men talked of his travels to the states. We talked about politics. He was passionate as how sad it is that the US spends all of this money shipping bombs through his country to Iraq. “How can Bush send over children to get slaughtered in Iraq? They use our carriers in Ireland to get there!” he asks.
He mentioned how major US pharmaceutical companies produce their drugs in County Cork where they lived. He said all the Viagra and Prozac used in America was made right there in County Cork so Ireland was both America’s aircraft carrier and drug supplier.

What is interesting is everyone we encountered on this trip asked us if we were for Obama or Hillary. Every person told us that a win for McCain was frightening to them. Unanimously they said, “it would be very very bad if he wins.”

The second round of drinks was definitely beginning to kick in. James was quite cute and cuddly. Our friends we met on the train left. Cal asked if he’d see us at the cross country races tomorrow. Of course. Damn, we didn’t get a picture or email address. Oh well.

James and I left after an hour or so. We enjoyed the company of the Irish men. What a fun group. As we are leaving the pub, some other people tells us what pub they will be at. They tell us to go home, shower up and meet them at this other pub around the corner. Sounds fun. Everyone is so nice, drunk, but nice. Everyone at this cozy bar was friendly. We felt a comraderie there. I felt like we had many many friends. James and I happily made it to our hostel. We stayed at the same one we did two nights ago. Only this time our room was upgraded. The worker said this is the room she puts her parents in. It’s beautiful. No one is staying in the room down the hall so we basically have a flat to ourselves! We take a walk to walk off the whisky. The city is beautiful as ever. I love this place. We go back and get some sleep. And we sleep very well.

(The pics are mostly from Glasgow except the pub)

Inverness and Loch Ness

2008-04-01T10:56:00.000-07:00

Fri March 28, 2008
Woke up to rain and loud seagulls on street, no run. We decided to take the early train to Inverness. Such beautiful scenery. We even saw snow in the Cairngorm mountains! We arrived in Inverness with about an hour to spare. We wandered about. The town seemed a bit dark. The weather was coming in. We found the river and it was a whole other place. It reminded me of a miniature Budapest. Castle in the distance, cobblestone roads, classical buildings and a footbridge across the river Ness. We dropped by a food coop to see what they had. It was a generic grocery, not like the coops we think of at home. Though they were committed to carrying products not tested on animals and fair trade coffee. That seems to be a general level of consciousness in the UK and Ireland, especially fair trade. In fact, Dublin has declared itself a fair trade city.

While waiting for our bus to Drumnadrochit we saw a kebab place with curry fries. James was craving them so we ordered one to share. That was yummy. Our bus arrived and we headed for Loch Ness. It was a short drive to our town, only about 14km. We could almost run it. We arrived in a small town and made it to our hostel.

We were greeted by a lovely woman at the hostel. She showed us where to go and was super helpful and warm. We took a hike to the Divach waterfalls past sheep, many sheep. At the top of the waterfall is a house where H.M. Barry (wrote Peter Pan) visited. We met a sweet family who just moved form Houston to Aberdeen. They had 4 smaller children. After the waterfall we went to the other side of the area to the Urquhart castle on the Loch Ness. The woman at the hostel encouraged us to go around 8pm when it is dark. We could go over the back gate and just sit at the castle. It is lit up at night and beautiful without tourists. I asked if that was legal and she said in Scotland it is legal. There are no trespassing laws and the people have this right.

After a long walk we arrive at the castle. What an incredible view of the castle on the loch. It was closing so too late to pay to go in. We ate some samosas and tried to decide if we were going to trek back at night. I was getting cold. While we were eating we met a lovely couple from England. We all had a wonderful political discussion for about an hour. He was an attorney with experience in civil liberties and she was a teacher. We talked about the ramifications of McCain wining the presidency vs. Obama or Hillary. It was interesting to hear his point of view from Britain. It was getting later and colder. Our new friends left.

We discussed back and forth whether we would “sneak” into the castle. There was a gate that said no unauthorized persons beyond this point but it wasn’t locked. We went past it. There was another locked gate. That’s the one the woman from the hostel said to climb. Okay, I have rarely climbed fences in my life and I never climbed them illegally! We hop it and see an orange boat in the water leaving the castle. It’s probably the coast guard. So we wait until they are further out. They meet up with a bigger white boat. Probably the coast guard too. What if it really is illegal? What will we say if we are caught? “Oh the lady from our hostel said it was okay?” Do we speak Hungarian and act like we can’t read the sign? Do we act as if we had been there the whole time and didn’t know it was closed now? I am watching the orange boat come and go. It is difficult to be inconspicuous when we are both wearing bright red rain jackets and popping the flash on the camera. Can they see us? We hurry through the castle and get out. It is starting to light up which is beautiful. We go back up the hill and there is a worker leaving the center. We hide on the steps until we hear his car leave. Back over the gate. We are giddy. On our walk back I see the boats. We joke that they are going to follow us back to the hostel, bust in with their black suits and guns and arrest us for trespassing. We watch the boats and realize that they are actually tour boats. We laugh the rest of the way back. James is looking forward to the curry noodle soup we bought at the coop in Inverness.

We arrive at the hostel and meet some of the other visitors. One is working there. He is young and from Missouri. He lived in Sacramento as a kid. He addressed me as ma’am which was really quite frightening. I am not old yet!!!! James reminded me that I did talk of my 16 year old son, so in essence I am old. I quickly introduce myself…on a first name basis. We relax and watch a movie. James meets a couple from Budapest. We also meet a man from Bucharest.

Edinburgh pics

2008-03-29T02:00:00.000-07:00

On the way to Edinburgh

2008-03-29T01:58:00.000-07:00

Thurs March 27
Today we were ready to see Bunratty castle. Love the word. You Bunratty! We grabbed breakfast or something resembling it. We had some bread left and there was free nutella at the hostel. We drove to Bunratty, a short distance from the hostel and airport. It was too much to pay the entrance fee so we walked around the castle on the outside and took pictures. We dropped by the Waterford store. There was a deal to ship to the US for free if we bought over 150 euros of crystal. Tempting. Very tempting. James talked me out of it. So we bought some gifts for the kids instead. The shopkeeper trying to hire us as nurse and teacher encouraging us to move to Ireland. Oh yes, nurses get paid very well here.

We had our last Supermac before the airport- curry fries and veggie burger. The counter woman told us of her own travels to US. She said, “The US is very scary place. It is safe here in Ireland. “We left and returned the car. The car rental guy told us we will love Edinburgh. He had been there. We were hoping it would be nice. But how could anywhere be nicer than Ireland? Check in was easy and we had time for 2 shots Irish whisky. I was very happy getting on plane.

Edinburgh- Wow, what an amazing city! It is intense, beautiful, classical, very hip, full of beautiful people, cool cabs, castles everywhere, and buildings of stone along the water. We were overwhelmed by the beauty. I felt as if I were in a fairy tale. James and I needed our princess and prince attire. Damn, we left that at home. Our hostel was uphill small cobblestone road. It was really an apartment. We wandered Edinburgh and phoned the kids. Liam sounded tired. We saw signs for the world cross country championships this Sat and Sun. Discussed attending. We visited the Edinburgh castle and wandered along cobblestone streets. We went to Holyrood park to check out the x country course. Maybe we could run it? We hiked up a steep hill up to the top. What a beautiful view of city. We saw lots of runners practicing on various paths. We saw a team from Brasil while discussing where we wanted to run in tomorrow morning. We did run a bit on the x country course camera and water bottle in tow. It was only a mile but lots of fun. I hadn’t run since Dublin and yesterday we had a day off form any exercise other than walking. The steep hike was a great warm up for our short run. It was dark now so we walked back to town passing the Scottish parliament. This place was incredible-very modern artistic building with bamboo. I thought it was the museum of modern art. We had dinner at a gourmet vegan restaurant-candlelight dinner of stuffed pepper with aubergine and adzuki beans, pistachio patty with curry, vegan ice cream and tart. We were exhausted and went to bed as soon as we returned to the hostel. The plans to go hear music at the pub were changed.

Byron would love this city. I want to return. We will plan to return for the xcountry championships.

The Christy Moore experience in Puckane

2008-03-29T01:54:00.000-07:00

Wednesday March 26
Time to leave Inis Mor, the greatest place on Earth. We catch the ferry to Rossavaeal and bus to Galway. We are looking forward to spending time in Galway with plans to have a long run beside the water. We catch a bus to Shannon at 4 so we have 7 hours here. We drop by the ferry office/travel center to see if they have a left luggage. And who do we meet? Moira! She is the woman that sold us our ferry tickets when I went with the children. She had read my blog since then and remained in contact at times. She remembered me. How exciting. We left our bags there and went to the bus office to clarify our departure time. There is a bus in 15 minutes! We could make it and have more time in Shannon/Limerick. So we rush back to the ferry office and grab our bags. I wanted a picture with Moira but she was on the phone. I was happy to go but a little sad since the weather was perfect in Galway.

Picked up a rental car at Shannon airport. I thought james reserved the car so he would be the one driving. Nope, I guess I reserved it in my name. That means I am *gulp* driving on left side! I tell myself over and over that this will be nothing like Budapest. I can do this. I sit in thcar for a while before starting it. It’s a manual, oh dear. But the pedals are the same. I practice in the parking lot with many reminders from James to drive on the left. It’s not so bad. We head for the freeway. Awkward but fun. The roads are quite small. We check in to our hostel and talk with the manager. He tells of how the children attend summer school on the islands or on the peninsula to learn Irish and Irish dance. They take Irish in school but every child goes to a few weeks of immersion where they still speak it as a primary language. It is a rite of passage. They are about 14.

We explore countryside near Limerick and end up in Ballina and Killaloe, a beautiful and quaint town. We grocery shop while raining and find cheap, vegan spaghetti o’s and baked beans. We walk about and find a café where we can sit and eat our cheap food. We assumed we could orfer some tea. Instead we eat lunch at the café- grilled veggie panini, beans and potatoes. The town is absolutely beautiful on the river Shannon characterized by cobblestone streets, churches and sun. We talk about bringing the children here too.

On the way to Nenagh we see many sheep with their lambs. We have seen this everywhere in Ireland. I loved seeing the lambs nursing and running. They are just so cute! Our trip to Nenagh is a quick stop taking photos of the castle turret. I have heard that the rook in chess sets is from this castle. Finally Puckane. A tiny village with cute cottages. We find Kennedy’s pub as mentioned in Christy Moore’s song about the Pogues.

He sings: I was halfway between Puckane and Nenagh. I was looking for the Shannon but ended up in a mushroom field near Corta Lacha. I stumbled into a fairy ring and Jeezuz I couldn’t get out. I saw an old man walking down the road and said to him, “give us a hand to get out of this fairy ring.” When he got me out I asked, “Where ya going?” He said, “I don’t know.” I said, “I’ll go there too.” He took me to Paddy Kennedy’s pub. Ah into the snug. He read me a few of his poems. They were wonderful…after a few drinks. So I took out my guitar and played a few songs and he put on the jukebox. I heard a think I never heard before. About a rainy day in Soho and a pair of brown eyes and the coffin ships sailing across the broad Atlantic fog. The sick bed of cucullum. Aya…And then the Fairytale of New York. “Merry Christmas.. I love you baby.” And it was Shane McGowan from County Tipperary right there in the snug and I kissed him on the lips and said “Shane I love you too.”

The pub was quiet with a bartender born in Puckane 70 yrs ago. She was a beautiful woman. There was family form Vancouver. We watched television, the news and flashback to 1988 giving us a great history of Ireland. I met a man from Illinois who was a long distance runner. He was with his twin brother and parents exploring family history. James talked with an Irish man during the flashback show on tv. He had 2 pints of Guinness and was quite happy. I had a pack of vegan chocolate biscuits. We left pub after a few hours. The bartender and Irish man wishes us the best of luck. “This is everything I had hoped for!” James exclaimed as we left the pub. We drove to hostel, ate dinner, the spaghetti o’s and met some older people from Australia. Earlier I had not been feeling very pretty. My hair was messy and my face felt dirty so I found a facial exfoliant and applied the mask.

Last Day in Inis Mor

2008-03-29T01:45:00.000-07:00

Tuesday March 25

We wake up to a beautiful sunny day on the island. Our plans are for breakfast and a bike ride around the island. We see the people at breakfast that were at dinner. It’s the Germans’ last days. Their bags are packed. The conversation is very funny as it gets more silly a false history of Inis Mor develops from dragons to carrier pigeons. There was one species of lizard in Ireland which developed into talking about dragons on the island. James asked how did the cars get to the island? well of course, there is a car factory on the other side of the island where cars are made of peat and stone. The drive trains are all made form the long whale bone. The three reasons for the rock walls were given by Dublin man who knew everything true and false. 1. animals 2. mark property 3. clear the fields of stones. All true. James and Dublin man spoke about using carrier pigeons for internet to carry messages in binary to other islands. Since last night I had been trying to figure out who Dublin man resembles. Maybe Kevin Spacey? So the German travelers say to Dublin man, “have people said you look like Robin Williams?” “Yees, yees all tuh time.” “So we can say that we spent time with Robin Williams on the island! “ Canadian woman who also assists Joel with the hostel says, “yes that will be the hostels claim to fame. I ate breakfast with him this morning.” He does look like him. Especially when he smiles.

James and get ready and bike to lighthouse. The ride was amazing. We made it only partially up the hill to the lighthouse. We parked our bikes and hiked the remainder. There was a path bordered with stone walls which reminded me of a labyrinth. On the hill we could see both sides of the island surrounded by the Atlantic Ocean and Irish Sea. We head to town and get a picnic lunch at Spar. Bread, hummus and ginger cookies. We proceeded to bike to southern tip of island seeing cows come home. We turn on a path and explore it riding uphill on rocks and grass. I felt like I was in an exterra race. What a feeling to rush up these hills! We stop and realize the path is no longer. We turn around and ride down the bumpy, slippery hills. Past a beach we park our bikes and see what is around the corner. We stop at the tip of the island and have a romantic picnic on the flat rocks seeing the waves crash against the rocks on the other island. We can see the other island, the houses and windmills.

The clouds are coming in so we decide to move along. James really wants to see the other side of the island. The surf is rising and we can’t walk further without getting wet. We turn around. The clouds are dark and we see rain in the distance at the lighthouse. We pass a fisherman who asks where we are from. James and he make jokes about swimming between our countries and we move along. “Ay, tis a very long way.” He gets on his bike and carries his fish on hooks, no fishing rod. James and I find our bikes and ride back in a short burst of rain. The rain made us move faster. We reluctantly return the bikes to the bike hire. We enjoyed having the bikes a lot. We dropped by the Aran sweater shop at my request. It happened to be pouring rain so it was a nice stop. Again like last time I was here, I went over and over in my head trying to justify as a vegan buying the beautiful wool handmade sweaters. We watched the video on how they were made. It was fairly humane. Nothing made in China, no sweatshops. Okay so if there were a pair of lined woolen gloves I was going for it. My hands were always freezing and none of our gloves worked. I saw a sweater I wanted to get someone as a gift but it was 175 euros and with the dollar doing so poorly that would translate into over $200. Again when it came down to it I just couldn’t buy the wool. I loved these sweaters. But there were no lined gloves and the sheep are still exploited. So we move on.

We hiked over to a pub that served a vegan pasta dinner. We arrived at 5:30 and they did not open until 6. It was cold and I wanted pasta so we waited in the restaurant and had drinks. The dinner was amazing-penne with roasted vegetables. After dinner we walked back to the hostel. On the way we called the kids. It is always good to hear their voices. They were happy to be with their friends. We officially checked out at the hostel. Joel offers breakfast tray since leaving early. Sad to leave. James and I reflected on our trip to the island. We grew very attached to it here. We would like to return again with the children.

Inis Mor!

2008-03-25T14:29:00.000-07:00

Monday March 24
Ahhh… time to go to Inis Mor! We woke up, got ready and ate breakfast at the hostel. We made it to the bus with time to spare. I was so excited. The weather was only overcast. No downpours like last time. I am optimistic that the weather will cooperate on the island, though I did plan for the worst. On the drive out we saw some nice running paths in Galway. We both made plans to run there when we return when we have several hours in Galway.
We arrived to the ferry. I was REALLY missing the kids now. So many memories of this part of the trip. Dragging the wheeled suitcase full of books and snacks onto the ferry. The kids excited to go. Being thoroughly wet. I looked at James and was thrilled he and I were going. I have wanted to share this place with him since we left.

The water is choppy but there are clearings in the sky closer to the island. I am really hopeful for sun. We arrive and step off the boat. It’s warmer. I can almost remove one layer of sweater/sweatshirt. I had been wearing two sweaters, a sweatshirt and my raincoat and been cold. The weather should be nice. I see sun. Let’s rent bikes! It’s a beautiful and WARM walk to the hostel. We get to the hostel and leave our bags. It is the same as before. The same owner, Joel who reminds me so much of Belize on Angels in America. He remembers me when I tell him about the children. He remembered Liam well. “he loved to show me his car” and he remembered the little girl with the glasses and that I was on my own with them while James was in Eastern Europe. I was thrilled to be back. James and I rented a private room. It was beautiful with an amazing view. We were thrilled to have our own room after spending a few nights in 8-10 people rooms in separate beds.

We went down to town and rented bikes. I had no idea that the walk to the hostel was entirely uphill. I saw people walking their bikes and struggling uphill. But that certainly would not be us. We are triathletes. Ha! Humbling those hills were. We rode out to Dun Aengus. This place is near and dear to my heart. The children and I were amazed at this place and will always remember it. This is what I really wanted to share with James. It’s a 2000 year old fort at the cliffs. The cliffs are awe inspiring. I was so excited to be there. I immediately went for the edge of the cliff to look down at the ocean. It is steep and tall with no guard rails. It is an adrenaline rush just being there. I found a nice spot and sat with my legs dangling off the edge. What an incredible feeling. James approaches gingerly. “C’mon, look over more to get the full effect.” He’s cautious, afraid of dropping his glasses into the ocean. We move to the next part of the fort to another place on the cliff. This is great place to lay on my belly and just let my head hang down. I lay there for a long while almost meditating watching the ocean waves over the rocks. There is so much power here. So much life force. I am so small here. I am connected. I lost myself completely and came back to reality realizing James had gone elsewhere. He was sitting against a rock wall eating some of the picnic lunch. I hope he wasn’t sad. He was hungry, that’s it. He was fascinated by the ruins. I was the cliffs. This island is my favorite place on earth.

We see clouds moving in and decide to go back to the hostel. We take the longer but flat way along the coast to the hostel. This place is so beautiful full of stone walls, green hills and ocean. We ride in to the driveway of the hostel and the rain starts. Just in time. We lay down and nap. I wake up thrilled to be here. The rain has passed and the sky is pink. I go outside while J is still napping and take pictures. I am looking forward to Joel’s dinner. I want to find him to reserve a place. Last time Byron ate and I wasn’t expecting anything vegan. I checked in on him and almost everything was vegan and gourmet. So I asked to stay. It was divine. So I make the reservation. I forgot to remind him we were vegan but think it is fine. I meet some of the other people staying here. One man is from Dublin and very familiar with the island. He is a teacher of some sot in need of the internet. The hostel internet is down but somehow I get wifi on mine. I lend him my laptop and go up to wake James for dinner. There are 7 of us at dinner. J and I have our won table. The room is cozy and we are enjoying their conversation. We participate and have a fabulous time. The Dublin man teaches at university. There are three young German men traveling and a beautiful older Dutch woman who frequently visits the island. The food is not at all vegan and we are given a bowl of soup that looks like it has cream. Awkward. We eat it. The rest of the food was mostly vegan. Then dessert. Oh please please have those cooked pears like last time. It’s home made ice cream with Bailey’s. We eat it and it isn’t going down well. But I am happy to be having a great conversation with everyone. The Dublin man is playing music later. All of us invite ourselves to watch him play. He decided to meet us at Joe Watty’s pub later. Joe Watty’s is supposed to be the best pub in Inis Mor. Though one of the German men thought it smelled like the dentist’s office. Classical music was playing in the background and there was discussion on who the composer was turning into almost a bet. We wait and wait for the announcer and the man from Dublin knows that the playlist is in the local paper. he gets it and was close on his prediction.

James and I rest a bit upstairs and put our pictures into the computer. It’s time to head down to the pub. It’s dark and about 11:30pm. The pub is beautiful. Very clean and has the best aesthetic. The bartender has a great heavy accent. No one form the hostel is there but we are enjoying the pub the same. I have another Jameson. Love this stuff. James has a Guinness. I like it after a few drinks of Jameson. Dublin man arrives as we are leaving. We need ot call the children. We find a pay phone and talk with them. It was so great to hear their voices. We didn’t get to talk with Byron as he was at a friend’s. The kids were happy with their friends and didn’t want to talk long. We walk to the hostel and forgo going back to Joe Watty’s. It’s quiet in there and no music. We are exhausted.

Dublin to Galway

2008-03-25T14:27:00.000-07:00

Sunday March 23
Woke up at 7 and went for a run. The sun was out, no wind but cold. Still warmer than Manchester. The city was quiet. We walked to the bus that would take us to Phoenix park. Hmmm not a lot of buses and O’Connelly st was blocked of. They were setting up a stage, gates and there were police. I asked one of the workers what was happening, “Eh, it’s te 1916 ayster ooprising. Ter’ll be a parade at 12.” Excellent. We will go. We decided that we wouldn’t find the bus to the park and ran along the Liffey River. We made it to Phoenix park and back, about 4-5 miles total. It was nice city run. Showered, checked out and stowed our backpacks at the hostel. On our way to church.the church was full. While I have mixed feelings about growing up Catholic, I still am fascinated by the ritual. Everytime I go to church I think I should expose the children. At times I want to get them at least baptized. The priest asked to pray for those suffering in the world in Palestine, Darfur and Iraq. That stole my heart. Maybe I will get the kids baptized. Maybe in New York I will send them to Cathecism.

After church we went to Glasnevin cemetery where many of the martyrs from the Easter Uprising are buried. There was a memorial to the hunger strikers that died in 1981 including Bobby Sands. We went back to town and made it to the tour. We wandered around looking like tourists. The guide found us! We went into the International Bar and waited a bit and had a drink. I had a shot of Jameson. James had 7 up. I realized I did not in fact have Jamieson last night. I must have had some other whisky. This was stronger. It hit me like Palinka but tasted better. So the guide is telling us the history of the uprising before we go for the walk. The whisky hits me hard. I have to work hard at my composure so I am not too silly. Finally we go for the walk. That helped me sober up fast. It was really interesting seeing the sites where the uprising took place. James and the guide talked a lot. We ended the tour at the gathering for the Easter rising celebration. Gerry Adams of Sinn Fein was speaking.

Time was running out so we grabbed some food from Supermac, a fast food chain with veggie burgers and curry fries. We got our backpacks and went to the train station for Galway. The train was old but comfortable. I caught up on my journal, napped and enjoyed the scenery. We arrived in Galway. I was happy that I remembered my way around. We stayed at the same hostel the children and I did a year and a half ago. The restaurant we ate at then was changed to a fancy club. Otherwise everything was similar. I was missing the kid snow as this had been such a big part of our trip together. I wished they were here with us now.

We toured the rest of Galway. Before, we had only remained in the square. There is so much more. Cute shops and pubs much like Grafton St in Dublin. People were having a great time. We dropped by the ticket office to collect our ferry tickets and had a nice conversation with a local about US politics. We were hungry and looking for dinner. We found a restaurant in our Lonely Planet book only to find that tonight’s menu was nowhere near vegan. We continued to walk. There was always Supermac but that would be a last resort. We found a kebab/wrap place and went for it. It was yummy and filling. Behind us a young man was passed out on his table with his tray next to him. At the end of dinner I checked to see if he was okay. He woke up and went back to sleep. There were a lot of drunken college students around and I am sure he was. James and I planned to get a drink but were both very tired. We went back to the hostel and went to bed.

Dublin arrival

2008-03-25T14:24:00.000-07:00

Saturday Mar 22
We woke up early, or what seemed early after some drinks and going to bed at 3am! We ate breakfast and Csaba took us to the train station. We joked about meeting again in South Africa or somewhere else in the world. The train took us to Holyhead in Wales for a boat to Dublin. Our first boat was cancelled due to weather so we took the larger ship 2 hours later. The train ride was beautiful. I would have liked to have spent some time in Wales. Maybe next time. The boat took about 3.5hours. We arrived at dinnertime, found the bus easily and went to Dublin.

Our hostel was easy to find and quite nice. We settled in and went to dinner. We wandered around the Temple Bar area with every intention to try a Guinness and Jamieson. We picked a restaurant from the Lonely Planet book and found it. It was too expensive, questionably vegan and through our wanderings we found one we liked more so we went to that one instead. I loved the energy at this place. It was crowded but cozy. We ordered a bean soup and chips (fries). We decided to find O’Donoghue’s pub. We found it and it was very crowded. I have been to very few bars or pubs in my life, try 2 or 3, so I wasn’t sure how we did this. Ordered a pint of Guinness and a shot of whisky and found some stools to sit on. Like a kid, I was excited to tell the bartender, “I’ll have a pint of Guinness!” We had the opportunity to listen to live Irish music. I drank the whisky and liked it. I tried the Guinness…not so much. I am not much into beer. Later I tried more and eventually decided I could drink it. It wasn’t bad. Preferred the whisky though. We went back to the hostel to get some sleep. I planned our day for Sunday. We didn’t have much time but lots to see. James wanted to go on the 1916 Easter Rising walking tour, see the graves of the martyrs. I wanted to do the same, go for a run and go to Catholic mass. I made a schedule that looks workable. I like this city a lot. It is fun but mellow. It is easy to get around on foot.

2008-03-23T15:21:00.000-07:00

Wed 19 March
Arrived in London at 8:30 am. The sun is out, something I never expected. I made plans for the day. We would see Csaba later instead of earlier. We would take a run in the park first, see some of London at eat lunch at my favorite vegan restaurant 222. James and I had planned on meeting at baggage claim and if that did not work at the British Airways ticket sales and if that did not work at the Underground station. He was scheduled to arrive 20 mins earlier than I. I arrived and immigration was smooth and short. I arrived to baggage claim to get my bag. It appeared that his baggage carousel had already stopped. He must have left baggage claim. So I went to the BA ticket sales. No James. Damn, where was our back up back up option? Oh yeah, the Underground station. No James. I waited, waited, waited going up and down the escalator to arrivals, tickets and underground. No James. The final plan was email. I found an email computer and no mail. I sent him mails asking where he was telling him where I was. Our cell phones did not work there. I chatted with Csaba for a bit finalizing plans for our arrival there. Again I waited and waited. 2.5 hours had passed and I went from frustration to worry. What if immigration had sent him back? For what reason I don’t know. What if he got hurt and was rushed off to a hospital? I heard that people could be paged at the information desk so I went for it. The woman asked what time he was to arrive and checked on her computer. She said his baggage carousel closed 20 min ago and he was probably in customs. Still she paged him. 2 minutes later here he is. His plane landed on time but waited on the ground for over 1.5 hours! He then waited in a very long immigration line. He just got out. I was thrilled he was safe and here.

We were exhausted. It was lunchtime now. The run is not happening. We stowed our luggage at the train station. Wandered London feeling drowsy. We saw Wesminster Abbey and Downing St. We ate at 222 and as always I was pleased. I love their vegan crepe with ice cream and chocolate and vanilla syrup. Absolutely divine. We made it to our train to Manchester. We were looking forward to sleeping at Csaba’s.

Arrived in Manchester after dark. It was a neat city. Reminded me of Oslo, Norway with a combination of modern and classic and the atmosphere of a college town. Csaba lived off the Curry Mile. A long street of nothing but Indian and Middle Eastern shops and restaurants. The street had a lovely aroma of curry. We took to bus to the stop and realized we didn’t know where Csaba lived. We called his house and no answer. Oh well, let’s just stop at a restaurant, get warm and have an Indian snack. We will try again. James ran out to call again and spoke with Eva and was disconnected. We ate our food and I spot Csaba walking by. James ran after him and brought him back. He took us to his house. We were close. It was so wonderful to see all of them. Most exciting was Ezster. She spoke perfect English and wanted to talk with me. It was sweet.

Thurs 20 March
James and I woke up past noon! Yikes! We grabbed a handful of granola and went for a run in Platt Field Park near Csaba’s house. It was cool and rainy but nice to move after a long day on various modes of transit. We explored the park. There was a lovely Shakespeare garden where I ran a few figure eights looking forward to what else I might find. I came across a pond full of Canadian geese and ducks. Making my way over pavement, dirt paths and gardens I estimated that I ran about 3 miles. I went for another loop hoping for a 10K. I did it. It was wonderful. By the end though, as I frequently get a bit silly, I ran past a duck. I wondered if it would in fact start running along side me. Then I realized, rather sadly that it would not. Ducks are already in shape and incorporate fitness into their everyday lives. They don’t need to do the silly things we humans do. I snapped out of it with a laugh realizing how funny my stream of consciousness was. I was nearing the end of my run thrilled that I got to explore this beautiful park. We spent the rest of the day with Csaba, Eva and Eszter. Csaba’s friend from South Africa, another Unitarian minister visited for palinka, snacks and conversation. It was fascinating hearing about congregational growth in South Africa.

Fri 21 March
Today we went to the city center in Manchester. The buildings are beautiful, a combination of modern and classical. We saw the Ryland library which is home of the original Odyssey. Lunch was on the Curry Mile at Csaba and Eva’s favorite restaurant with large portions of Channa Masala. We bought ingredients to make a vegan chocolate cake and were home by 2:00 in time for tea. Eszter loved playing with my swim goggles.

We went for a shorter run at the Platt Field Park, about a 5K. We returned, showered and spent time with Csaba’s friend from school. He was a ministry student from Birmingham. James knew him from his blog. It was fun.

This was our last night here. We stayed up very late with Csaba and Eva drinking well. It was fun to drink palinka again with Csaba. We had some meaningful discussion on motivating people to make change and dealing with change ourselves. The conversation moved to raising children and realizing how special friends we were.

NYC trip

2008-03-23T15:17:00.000-07:00

Sunday 16 March
We tearfully left the children at 4 am for our flight. We said good bye and gave kisses to a sleepy Luna and Liam. I wondered why we were doing this exactly? Was it premature to leave the kids so young? Everything so far had fallen into place. Their cousins and auntie were there. They were excited. James and I had not travelled alone together since Luna was born. It would be good for us. I had been playing with feelings of guilt for a week now. As we drove further south to the airport it felt right. We hopped on the plane to New York easily, arrived 5 hours later and waited for our luggage. We made it to the Manhattan apartment meeting our kind hosts. A friend’s mother let us stay at their place while they were away. The apartment was directly across from Central Park -- what I wanted to see in NYC.

We met James brother, Ken to go to a Pogues and Billy Bragg show. That was so much fun. We danced, or at least for me, tried to dance. Afterwards we stopped for food in Times Square. Got some knish. After while we looked outside and thought it was sunrise. It was light outside. It was light from all of the lights of Times Square. Ken was ready to go. He was going to stay at Penn Station for a few hours until his train back to DC. I was worried about him. I came to NYC with a lot of fear from television. He assured me he would be fine. J and I returned to the apartment and slept well.

Monday 17 March
We woke up to a sunny day in New York. James scheduled his appointment at the church where he will be interning for Tuesday. We went for a lovely run in Central Park around the Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis reservoir. As we ran to the other side, we heard the St Patrick’s Day parade. Bagpipes, singing, marching. I smiled the entire way loving running near people of all levels. It was peaceful, beautiful and fun. I ran 4 times around totaling a 10K. We came back, showered and visited the city. After walking around we hopped on the train to the suburbs. James wanted to see what the housing looked like along the way. Returned to the city and ate dinner at a beautiful vegan restaurant.

Tuesday 18 March
Today was our last day in NYC. We visited the church and met the ministers. We ate at Veggie Castle where we got Jamaican food. It was wonderful. The city where J will intern was beautiful. The church campus was overwhelming and scenic. I was amazed at how much resources this church had. I felt underdressed and reminded of how Californian and informal we are. I loved Manhattan and had moved closer to deciding to go to NY with James next year. But after realizing our lives would not take place in Manhattan and would in fact be in the suburbs. Worse we would live nowhere near the church as it was extremely unaffordable. I worried that the children would be in bad schools. We certainly would not be able to afford the private school that they attend now in NY. What if L and L did not fit in? How would that affect them for the rest of their lives? They have a good life at home, a good school and all of their friends. I did not want to live in a small, dumpy house. If we go I want life to be as easy as possible. I know I can get a job easily. I welcome adventure and the children can adapt. Best of all we were only a few hours form James’s brother and his family. Even still, at this point I was beginning to write off going with James. There is no way we could match the life we have at home. Later at dinner J received a call from the church. They had a lead on a rental house in a nearby town. The rent was within our estimated range, it was big enough and best of all in an area with good schools. We’ll see. They will be emailing us the info.

We left NYC on separate flights. Again everything was smooth. James left 30 mins before me. I took that time to phone the children. Everyone was well and had just spoken with James. I slept about 2 hours on the plane. I could not get comfortable even after a glass of wine. I watched the movie Control about Ian Curtis of Joy Division. Interesting. I love stories about real people’s lives. I dozed off and woke up near London.

Back to the Travel blog!!!

2008-03-15T18:21:00.000-07:00

J and I are leaving for two weeks to NYC and Europe alone...yep...ALONE. Still hasn't really sunk in on that part. Maybe once we are on the plane wondering where the kids have gone. I am feeling a little sad though second guessing our decision. At the same time the kids will be well loved by their grown up cousins and Auntie. They have already attached themselves to them today.

J and I will be landing in NYC tomorrow evening and going to The Pogues and Billy Bragg concert. From there we will spend 2 nights and off to England to see Csaba and his family again for a few days. Ireland...James will finally get to see it. Then Scotland which I managed to miss on the last trip to Europe.

I hope to make this a combo travel and training journal. I am praying the weather is sane and cooperative to allow us to run in every city/town we visit.

Big River 5K and 10K!

2008-02-10T19:26:00.000-08:00

Our whole family raced in the Big River 5K and 10K sponsored by Mendocino Community High School Solar Conversion Project. It was a stunning run along the Big river into the redwoods. The group was moderate in size, pretty diverse and really mellow.

Liam has been begging to run in a 5K race since October. Last night he was so excited that he made sure to get his "good running clothes." I told him good athletes get lots of sleep. So my little non sleeper took that to heart and went right to sleep. Luna, on the other hand, wasn't so thrilled about going. Byron has been ill so the 10K might be rough on him. He is determined though.

We left from work. I worked the night before. It was a mad rush to the coast. We thought we may not make it. We made it and fortunately it was informal enough that people were still registering and getting ready. Our thermometer in the car read a balmy 42 degrees. Good running weather actually. Not thrilled about the 30's, will run in it but anything in the 20's has been unacceptable thus far. So 40's...sounds good. I will go without my thermal top and bottom and just run in my compression tights, running shirt and rain jacket. We get out of the car and the windchill was bone chilling. Oh my gosh!!!! I can't do this. I need my thermal top at least. I dig in my bag and no top. oh well, threw on the scarf and tried to toughen up. We are all shivering trying to hop around to get warm while being blown around in the freezing breeze. I am rethinking this. Losing all enthusiasm. I can't NOT participate so I go for it. Byron and I plan to run the 10K while James, Luna and Liam run the 5K.

I started off and kept in pace. About 3/4 mile in I run around a turn and there is this gorgeous cliff with pond. It was breathtaking. I smiled. I resisted the strong temptation to stop and wait for James and the kids. on the other side was the river. I was surrounded by redwoods and at one point just savored the smell of the forest. I thought about the aromatic qualities of pine oil-relaxation. I was pretty relaxed at that point.I passed the turn around for the 5 K race and was on my own now for the 10K. The path got even better. Byron passed me on the way back. He looked beat but was smiling. I reached the turn around. I was getting tired. I hit several mini walls but nothing too bad. I see the sign on the way back ...I have completed 7K. The 8K took forever and each inch of progress seemed to take longer than the last. By 8K I was hitting another wall. I waned to be done. No pains, just done. 9K. okay almost there. But I am so losing it. I see the parking lot in the distance. 9 times 6 is 54. only 5.4 miles. I still have .6 miles left and the last kilometer took sooooo long. I dream about running a marathon and being at mile 25 and what that will feel like. My favorite Rage Against the Machine song, Killing in the Name is on my MP3 and I immediately meditate on it. Yep, you can actually meditate to Rage! I start singing. I hit a downhill patch and start sprinting and singing "F*%k you I won't do what you tell me...F*%k you I won't do what you tell me...F*%k you I won't do what you tell me..." I see the finish but choose to look down so I don't get so confused. I also try not to sing aloud. Everyone is there. Luna and Liam have their hands out to be my finish ribbon. I finish and am thoroughly confused. I take my headphones off and there are people and music. I am overwhelmed and take a walk away for a few minutes. I reconnect to the present and am thrilled to see my family.

Liam ran the entire first half of the 5K ---that's 1.5 miles non stop with tiny 5 year old legs. Luna runs the entire second half doing a fabulous negative split. Her run time back averaged a 12 min mile! the kids are excited and proud. Luna said she loved it and had a great time almost passing up the three teenagers. Byron told me that he hit a wall on the second half back. He felt like he couldn't make it. He picked up a leaf and told himself that the leaf will carry him through and it did. I love that!

Then the results...4 out of 5 of us place.

LIAM- 1st place 5K under 10 boys!
LUNA- 3rd place 5K under 10 girls!
BYRON-2nd place 10K 16-19 boys! (the first place was the overall 10K winner)
JAMES-2nd place 5k 30-39 male! (and he walked with the kids mostly)

Quite the family we are!

Next week we run the Willits Classic. James will run 10 miles and I will do the 5K with the kids.

More snow

2008-02-02T08:39:00.000-08:00

The kids and I woke up to more snow after the last batch melted. The ther day James took this pic of a daffodil beginning to grow in one of our flower pots. I am flip flopping on where I will run today. After 6 days without a real run, (I ran a few short times in the snow)I have to run no matter what. I had planned on running in the rain today.

This is our backyard this morning.

New York and the UK

2008-01-30T14:34:00.000-08:00

Snowy and rainy outside, I have a few hours to myself. Kids are at school and James is teaching the high schoolers for the afternoon. J and I had a lovely morning alone together. I am thinking about New York and the UK. I look back on my blog when we were in Europe from June 2006-Dec 2006. I find myself welling up missing Paris and the village. I want to go back. I miss the people, the puppies, the adventure. Oh wait, I AM going back, sort of. To the UK (England, Scotland and Ireland) at least in March. I long for the lazy days of getting up and cooking all day and deciding what I will teach the kids each day. Don't get me wrong that was a chore and at times I was absolutely sick of it. But our lives are so busy now there is little time to breathe. We haven't been to a museum since we returned to the states. But the kids can still spot a Monet, Degas or Van Gogh from a mile away though. I am getting excited about traveling back to Ireland and seeing Scotland for the first time. I fear because I am in the middle of school and working f/t that I won't put as much TLC in planning a I did before. I probably won't but I'm sure it will all be wonderful. I think of New York, where James will spend 10 mos next year. We still don't know if we will all go or not. Each day it changes. Today I thought it would be easier to just stay behind and visit. Kids would stay in school with their friends. I would keep my familiar and comforting job. But I read my journal from when James and I were apart for 50+ days in Europe and it was so hard. My heart broke when he left Paris and I still to this day feel pain there from it. I find myself struggling between wanting stability, comfort and quiet and all out adventure. I love adventure and I love for my kids to experience it. Uprooting sux but they can learn so much from being in New York. New York is greta for those of us who get bored easily.

We'll see.

2008-01-29T19:16:00.000-08:00

I was going through my memory card sending olds pics to friends tonight. This is one of those pics that the kids begged us to take. We didn't really want to do so figuring it would not work on my camera. I think it is along the grapevine to Southern CA on our way to Grandma's at sunset during the holidays.

I really did run in the snow!

2008-01-29T15:25:00.000-08:00

I ran in the snow...yay! James and I went to the par course. It was bit late. The snow was beginning to melt and turn into slush. The redwood trees were dripping and dumping snow. The path was a mix of snow in some spots, thick slush and muddy slush. Leaving my big coat and boots at the bench, I wore James thick winter wooly socks in my running shoes and went for it. I ran only one lap (1.2 miles). I loved every minute of it (not so much the slush and cold feet)...the feeling of packing my feet in the snow was incredible. It was everything I expected. I wish I had gone earlier. I was off work and frittered the day away but James convinced me if I had gone earlier before the snow melted, I would have run into ice below the snow. Hopefully we'll get more snow this week. I'm hooked and dreaming of going to Tahoe and learning to run in snowshoes wondering what it is like to mountain bike in the snow, admiring the snow xterra athletes. Running in the slush and letting go of fears of getting my feet wet helps me to run in more rain next time. When I arrived home, My wooly socks were dripping.

Running in Snow

2008-01-29T07:11:00.000-08:00

Sunday night I woke up to snow before work. It wasn't much but the flakes were pretty big and they were sticking. Throughout the night it snowed. By sunrise I wondered if I would be able to make it up the hill to home. I heard from incoming coworkers that the hill was not plowed. My supervisor was calling all the day nurses to see if they needed a ride in the 4 wheel drive. Really, I was thinking about the snow, but not whether I'd get home. I had chains. I really wanted to RUN in the snow. I was due for my weekly 10K run and I SO wanted to do it in the snow. I wanted to feel and hear the sound of the soft snow packing under my feet to my running tempo and smell the snowy air. I was like a kid with a snowday. woohoo. I'm running! A coworker thought I was nuts when I told her. I conveniently left out the complicated logistics of wet feet and slippery ice in my fantasy. the roads were slushy. My running path in the valley was definitely wet and slushy. My only shoe options were my running shoes (not waterproof) and my boots (not conducive to running). There is still the par course in the neighborhood. Maybe no one touched it. If I am the first to put a footprints in the snow, it would pack down and be a great run. No slush and hopefully no underlying ice. I passed by on the way home and already two cars were there. *sigh* I came home and did some research on snow running here. The kids wanted to sled. The roads were un-runnable. That par course was slush. Okay I'm going sledding with the kids. It was wonderful. My kids would take these amazing risks going down a crazy hill James carved out for us. I took advantage of the hills and ran up the hills after sledding down to get some sort of training in. My quads were sore at the end of our fun. Running uphill in big boots is a lot of work! It was modified but I did in fact get to run in the snow. Later that night James and I went to the club and swam.

There is more snow to come this week. I have other chances to hit the par course on fresh snow. I have to go to the city today. I might stop at REI and look for snow running shoes.

Running

2008-01-17T05:58:00.000-08:00

Been running with some cross training. I am focused on completing a half-marathon (13.1 miles) by Spring 2008. I began a training program over the holidays, increased my base runs to 4.25 miles and got sick. I started over again last week and am staying consistent. Two days ago I ran 5.5 miles and decreased my avg mile time by 12 seconds. It has been cold and rainy so the bike has been hiding. I took it out on the first day of sun and had a fabulous time riding 18 miles in the valley passing cows, sheep, turkeys, geese and horses. I swim on the rainy days or when I need a break from running. My speed has increased since I began bilateral breathing. I can draft with James.

What is really cool about running is I began hating it every step. There are days when I still feel that way on a run and find out my time is fast. But really I am loving going out into the country and just running. No cars. No distractions. Just getting lost in my world running feeling proud when I finish. My time is slowly bust consistently getting faster. Honestly though I am in it for the distance and enjoyment. Not so much speed. But it does help when I am hyperventilating all 4.5 miles and find out I have cut a few minutes off my time.

Today I am planning a 10K followed by a swim.

Byron is going to Alcatraz!!!!!!!

2008-01-05T13:47:00.000-08:00

Byron was selected to compete in the prestigious Escape from Alcatraz triathlon June 2008. It is a very rigorous course where he will swim across the San Francisco Bay from a boat near Alcatraz Island to SF for 1.5 miles in cold current filled water then bike 18 miles (what seems to be mostly uphill) and then run 8 miles through the trails of the Golden Gate recreation area (again what seems to be uphill).

See the video from last year.

Byron did it!

2007-11-15T10:44:00.000-08:00

The San Francisco International Triathlon at Treasure Island was a success. They did eliminate the swim portion but kept everything else including the swim to bike transition. Byron did really well and placed in the middle of the crowd. Pretty respectable for a newbie. He ran his 10K in under 1 hour cutting several minutes off his last 10K time. Al of that after a 24 mile technical bike ride! Everytime we saw him he was smiling. I was thrilled to be at the finish line and be the first to hug him.

We stayed to watch the pros race which was amazing. Their biking was a work of art. The glided by us with a buzz. It was awesome. Byron was startstruck by Hunter Kemper who raced past us and made eye contact with Byron. He won the race overall.

The triathlon goes on

2007-11-09T07:05:00.000-08:00

Despite the oil spill in the San Francisco Bay, the Treasure Island triathlon will still take place. They may eliminate the swim portion though. We are getting ready for Byron's tri. He is packed with his clif bars and gels taped all over his bike and number belt. I am excited to be off work for 7 nights and see him race. His best friend Phoenix will be coming down with us too.

This week I started working out a again. Last weekend i did a practice tri and had a lot of trouble by he run portion. I took it a s a lesson that I need to get back to regular training in all 3 sports. So I have been swimming more which I am loving again. I am learning to breathe on both sides. I only breathed on my right before. The bilateral breathing has improved my stroke, speed and ability to float significantly. I can even keep up with Byron and James. It is tiring though readjusting my breath. But that is just a matter of practice. I did some sprinting/walking/running for 3 miles on the trail Wednesday. I felt a nice soreness in my legs for a day afterwards. I have scheduled clinic so that I have some time to work out after work which is really nice. I am enjoying it.

Where did my training go?

2007-11-01T19:25:00.001-07:00

I miss the training. Friends and coworkers ask how the training is going. It's almost nonexistant and I am feeling pretty down about it. My life has become so overscheduled with school, work and sleep that the bike and swim are gone. I am missing it and my body feels the difference. I worked so hard this summer and made so many positive changes to my health that I don't want to lose that. I have a better week with regard to school but work my 8 nights. I am planning to try to replicate our previous schedule of working out in the morning and going to bed after lunch (at least until Monday). Then I start clinic agian and will only be able to slip a run in.

I do run still because it is quick and easy. And I worked way to hard and shed too many tears there to lose my stamina! I am motivated to at least keep that up. There is a nice challenging trail within walking distance of home. I always run a 5 K and my time has slowly but steadily gotten better. But I have only been running an average of 2-3 times a week. We had plans of doing a triathlon in late November in Southern CA. I am feeling like I am not in shape to do so. I haven't been in open water since the Ukiah tri. I have not bought a wetsuit. I miss biking terribly but haven't been able to carve out 2 hours for the bike ride I'd like. And it was cold and I am still adapting to being cold which I really do not like. I am dreaming of a century ride (100 miles) in Solvang (central) CA in March. It is rated as difficult so I will have to train fairly hard for it. It takes place where the movie Sideways was filmed.

So for now I am living vicariously through my son and partner. James has been beating his run time everyday and is now to a 7 min mile. Byron just did that today. I think Byron is only about 20 sec behind James now in his mile time. Very impressive. Byron has the Treasure Island tri next weekend in San Francisco. I am excited for him. He saved up and bought a REALLY nice triathlon bike with clip shoes. He and James biked 30+ miles a few days ago (while I worked...or studied or took a test or did something other than biking *sigh*). Byron was far ahead of James and beat his own bike time significantly. Byron is dreaming big now of participating in the famous Escape From Alcatraz tri in June. He has to place at another selected tri first to be allowed to compete. The last one for the season is in Florida. And yes he is begging to go to Florida.

10K

2007-10-17T21:46:00.000-07:00

James, Byron and I ran in a 10K last weekend. It was a pleasant run in the vineyards of Lake county. Luna and Liam participated int he 5K run/walk with our friend Justin and his son. James placed 7th overall and 3rd in his age group. Way to go James!!! Byron won 1st in his age group. Awesome Byron!!!

I finished and never once thought about stopping though near the end I just wanted to be finished. In fact, after mile 5 where I was crying out of happiness, I immediately switched to crying out of frustration. "I just want ot be done!" I yelled. I was alone so it was okay. I passed a worm farm and wondered for several minutes exactly how fast do worms run a 10K. I was losing it and began to chant "worm farm...worm farm...worm farm...worm farm...worm farm...worm farm...worm farm..." for the remainder of the race. I reached mile 6 and was elated again. I saw my family and dear friend Sara cheering me on. I completely let go and sprinted to the finish. I felt like I was flying. I reached my family and friend and did not see a finish line. Not again. Where is the damn finish line? "Over there" they pointed. What? I thought *they* were the finish line. I was frustrated again. James asked if I wanted him to take my sweatshirt. yes. no. yes. I try to untie while running, throwing it at him. then I want to get rid of my cellphone/mp3 player. It would not come unhooked. I was cursing like a sailer at that point and finally got it off and threw it to the ground.

I reached the tiny finish chute.

And finished not once stopping.

I redeemed my self after stopping on the run at the triathlon.

THE Triathlon- The Run, The Finish and photo links

2007-10-10T12:54:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been over a month since we did the tri. Here is the final chapter to the journey.

I'm at the start of the trail. I am in the final stretch. I start running. Ouch, this is harder than I expected. I didn't recover long enough at T2. I keep going and see signs posted along the past. "You swam .5 miles!" Yes, I did didn't I. I am getting weepy again. I did swim and I made it without panic. Another sign, "You biked 21.7 miles" Yes, I did! Now I am crying and running. "You are almost finished" I am. Only 3 miles to run. I know this course very well. I have been running it for weeks. I know every hill and turn.

I am excited but extremely exhausted. Within seconds I go from feeling elated from the signs to feeling like I want to stop and go home. This must be what it is like for someone who is bipolar.I hurt. My legs hurt really bad and I am tired. Shit. Not a good start and I haven't even hitt he hard part. The run begins with a small but long incline. Up a trail, across some pavement around a baseball field to the trail. I see my favorite stretch of rolling hills in the distance. I have always loved this part. I try to remind myslef of that. First incline in the stretch. Ouch! My legs. Ouch, I am choking on my slobber and running nose. Ouch! I feel like vomiting. And I rarely ever vomit. Toughen up, I tell myself. I am almost done. but, um I may actually vomit here. I ate too much damn it. I am running along my favorite rolling hills choking, nauseas and in pain. I stop. I am hunched over waiting to throw up here. nothing except spit and mucus. Someone stops and asks if I am okay. I am humiliated. yes I'm fine I tell him. I see people who I passed on the bike pass me right up. People significantly older than I. I get a grip and start running again worried that this is only the beginning of the run. how will I make this?

I get going reaching the downhill. oh good a break. I take it fast to make up for the stop. I remind myself that this is what I spent 14 weeks working towards and I am almost finished. I am perplexed as to why I am not finding any sense of joy or pride in this, only misery. I calm down, my breath regulates a little and my stomach is stable. I hit the other baseball field which has always been my wall. There is a water. I stop briefly for a drink and dump it. It's only mile 1. I keep going. Finally slipping into a rhythm. well sort of. more of a rhythm of at least continuing. no happy place. just trudging along wondering how slow I am.

Up and down hills over tiny dry creeks and up the final hill to the pavement. James and I usually hate this part even though it is flat. It always seemed hotter on the pavement. mile 2. okay not bad. I think I am in my happy place. I know I am really almost done and I can hold on. I see bikers arriving and am so glad I am not them. I see more signs. "too bad it's only a 5K" folowed by "becasue you are having so much fun now!" Aw I kind of like these signs. I smile. Running I turn ont he street that leads me to the final lap around the track. Only about 1/2 mile left. Im okay. Im exhausted. Im not as overjoyed as I expected. It's survival now. I see the gate. that tiny incline to the gate is murder on my legs. I see Ron, our photographer. I enter the gate. it's crowded with announcers. Hey, that's Mike! he's one of the announcers. Ron takes a shot of me. I try to smile but it's a lot of work. I get on the track for the final round. I can't sprint. I planne don sprinting. Shit. I want to lay down here right now and declare this whole thing over. Ron catches me again. I am irritated by him, by the color of the track, by everything. I come to the final turn, mile 3. i look over and see my kids. I cry. I see a orange ribbon. The finish line. Someone asks me if I see the finish line. I think it's the guy that reads my number so Mike can announce it. I hear Mike announce my number. I am confused at the man's question. I look again and no orange ribbon. Some thing but I am confused. What? Why did he ask me that? Where is the finish? I check out, my mind is completely altered and I have no idea where I am. I see Byron and I reach for his hand. I know what is happening but am disconnected. We run together. I cross thorugh something but still don't know if it's the finish. I see people I know. i see James. Someone is trying to take off my ankle chip and someone else is offering me water. I feel like Dorothy after she wakes up from her dream. Where is James? He is in front of me. I hug Byron realizing that I crossed the finish line. We hug James. I cry...again. All of my closest friends are here. I see Sara our coach and hug her.

Ron is around taking pictures. I am thrilled he is there.

By the way all of our tri pics can be viewed here. Sit down, relax and sip some tea. It's long but worth seeing the finish.

We hang out with friends, get free massages and I win a bottle of wine.

Best of all, Byron won 3rd in his age group.
James ranked much higher than he imagined (as did Byron). Bothe of them placed about the middle of the crowd.

I achieved 2 out of 3 of my goals.
I did not finish last. In fact far from it.
I did not panic in the open water.
I did stop, however on the run. It took me about a week to get over that. What was funny was my run time was one of my better times despite the stopping!

I am ready for my second triathlon in Southern CA in later November.
Byron is doing his second one in San Francisco early November.
Luna and Liam did their first tri last weekend. See their photos here.

THE Triathlon- The Bike (best part ever!)

2007-09-18T20:16:00.000-07:00

I am swamped with school so journaling has been low on my list of priorities. Fortunately working out is not! The beauty of this whole tri experience is that we are hooked. I love to train. I am loving running. I want to do a 10K sometime soon. I want to work hard in the pool all winter to improve my swimming. I need all of this even more being back in school. We are planning our next tri in November.

Onto the bike…

Hopping on my bike I race up the hill and am off on a 21.7 mile journey. The course begins with a fun downhill with scary speedbumps. I have not acclimated to them on my new bike. My new bike is so lightweight that I literally fly on the bumps. So I don’t give it all I have going downhill. I make the next uphill, the biggest one on the course. My gears are working well. I pass a few people along the way (and feel incredibly guilty). Off I go through the vineyards, beautiful mountains and creeks alongside. I see more people. I move past them like I am flying. My legs don’t hurt. I’m not tired. I feel like I am riding slowly since it seems so easy. Yet I am continually passing people. How is this happening? I’ll blame it on the new bike.

Riding through Redwood Valley I see Ron, our photographer. He snaps a shot of me. I give him a big smile. The Rotarians (the tri was sponsored by Rotary) are doing traffic control. I thank them as I speed by. I wonder if I will ever pass Byron and James. They are far ahead of me. I see a few triathletes passing me in the other direction. There is a turn around point. They look hard core so I should be seeing more soon. I have a ways to go but I am loving every minute of it. I pass more people. I pass people going UPHILL and this becomes my pattern the entire time.

The ride is gorgeous. The weather perfect. Not hot, not cold. I prayed for weather like this. I finally see Byron coming. I yell out to him. “Way to go! You are Awesome!” he smiles and waves. Soonafter I see James. We yell an “I love you” to each other. I go and go. Passing more people. I reach the turnaround. I am halfway finished with the ride already. The Rotarians offer water and I pass. I have my own. It reminds me to take a bite of Odwalla bar. I finished the first bite I stuffed in my cheek earlier. Into my cheek goes another chunk and a swig of water. Yuck. I don’t like this Odwalla bar much. I am not even hungry. Perhaps I should spit it out. Nah. It’s in there already and I don’t want it to hit the cyclist behind me. That’s just rude.

I am really excited now. I know my strength is my return. I tend to work harder going out and get a burst of energy on the second half. Here I go. Even better. I pass and pass. More people. I am passing he people I saw soonafter James. Oh my! I just might catch up with James! That would be great. We’ll see. I ride harder with this in mind. Hmm… I have passed all of thee people. I am getting a big head now. No one has passed me yet. Guess what??!! Two bikers scream past me immediately after I think that. I was so distracted by that I rode off the road into the dirt. I was sure I was going to fall off my bike but I saved it and made it onto the road intact. I won’t think like THAT again. I wonder if I can catch up to them. Off I go to try. Not quite. They are passing people really fast.

I am ¾ finished and start to get tired. I am on my way to the college where I will do the run. It’s time to start thinking about the run. I am so nervous. This tri has been so much about the run. I slow down on the bike so I have strength left. I am getting tired all of a sudden. I haven’t felt any lactic acid in my thighs until now when I am almost finished. My high is getting really low. I am tired. I am burnt. Shit. The run. I can do it. I have trained for 3 ½ months for this. Thinking about the first day I ran the track when I barely completed ¼ mile. Thinking about the small hills I barely made when I first started and here I am passing people on bigger hills. I get teary eyed as I enter campus. I see runners on the last 1/3 of the course . I wish I were at that point now. I’d almost be done. I want to be done. Okay it’s time to speed up. It’s flat and I want to fly into my transition area. So I go. There are two little Rotarians about 11 or so years old cheering me on directing me into the parking lot. I find my parking spot easily. Take a bite of Odwalla bar. Again, yuck! I spit that one out. Drink a swig of gatorade followed by water and get my headphones ready to go. Shit! I should run out of here so my bike time isn’t so long. We wore these microchips on our ankles for our times. They turn on and off at each T point. So if I waste time here then my bike time is longer. I see my friend Laura on the phone. I run over to give her a hug and…OW! My legs are like rubber. She cheers me on and I sprint anyway through the detector and hear the beep. Last leg. I walk a little to where I have always started on the course…

THE Triathlon- The Swim

2007-09-13T09:30:00.000-07:00

The alarm was supposed to go off at 5am but I was up at 4:30 obsessing over the list I made and how I felt. I was tired. I wasn’t ready to do this. I wanted to sleep. Yet I couldn’t sleep that extra 30 min. What d I eat? I want to have enough fuel so I ate an Englsh muffin with peanut butter, bowl of cereal and a vegan sausage and water. I was full.

Our dear friend Heidi came to support us and stay with the kids. They were all asleep. We headed down to the college to set up T2 (the bike run transition). I was elated when I saw the organizers in their gear guiding traffic. Cones were up. The bike racks were up. People with really cool tri and street bikes were setting up. By then I was bright eyed and bushy tailed literally hopping about. I saw our coach and friend Sara and gave her a big hug. She looked a little nervous. She was competing too. We finished set up 15 minutes ahead of schedule and headed to the lake to set up T1 and warm up.

We reached the lake and one of the organizers directed us to the parking. We got there and here we were. At the lake. I’m nervous. What if I panic at the swim? We walk our bikes and our trash bags full of gear down the hill. We are greeted by Ron, our friend and photographer. I wanted him to get some shots of Byron and James crossing the finish line. He gets us walking our bikes. We reach T1. I find my spot, a perfect spot right by the steps from the lake.

I seet up and see Mike and our teammates. I am so thrilled to see everyone. There are so many other unfamiliar faces it is comforting to see everyone we spent the last 14 weeks with. I aks Mike where to swim and when to warm up.

The body numbering lady comes by. I have my wetsuit on then and I am elated. I watched some Ironman footage and thought the body numbering was way cool. I am 502. She writes 502 in marker on my left upper arm and left calf with my age on my right calf. I am concerned about when my start time is. Everyone with the pink swimcaps goes first. Men then women 39 and under. Uh, so I go 2^nd. Yes, at 8:03. *gulp* I am anxious about getting to the lake and warming up. Peiple are moving down. It’s 7:45. the time when we all have to meet at the lake to hear instructions. Shit. I’m scared, really scared. Scared about having a panic attack and being fished out and disqualified. I need to see James and Byron and say sort of a goodbye to them.

J and I get in to warm up and the water is warm even though the air is cold. It’s nicer than where we practiced. I swim some laps and stay in the water. I see Byron. He is in the first group. He and I plan where we will start. We both decide to start at the very end to avoid getting run over by the crowd. Mike is in the same group as Byron and he reminds me to just relax and have fun.

It’s time. He is lined up. J and I are close to shore. Everyone enthusiastically counts.. I yell out to Byron Good Luck and how much I love him…

10—9---8—7--------3---2---GO!

Byron and his crew are off.

That means I have 3 minutes. Shit! I need to warm up. I swim a circle and lose sight of James. I look back and he’s talking. I yell out in fear. James! He looks at me and cheers me on. I’m scared. But I’m about to do this.

I’m finally doing this. I’m happy. I’m scared. It’s time. I don’t here a long countdown. Only a 3---2---1! Uh. It’s time. I look back and turn around and go. I realize I am finally doing my triathlon. I start crying as I swim. I’m swimming well by the way. My form is good but I am crying like crazy. My goggles are half full of tears.

Then I look up and I can’t quite see the boat in the fog. There are two kayaks in the distance around the boat and a sheriff’s boat to my left. I swim towards the sheriffs boat to avoid the crowd. It’s easier to see. I feel the panic coming on. I start to think about stopping. I can’t breathe. Shit! No! Absolutely not. I worked too hard for this to just give up now. What will I tell people? I trudge on and hope to breathe. It stops and I am fine. I swim slowly and get into my rhythm. I see the next wave in the distance swimming past me. I am going pretty far off course. I try to correct. Meanwhile I look up to site and I see waves. Waves? In a lake? What are these? I guess maybe there are waves this far out? What if I get swept under? What if they hold me back like at the beach? What in the world do I do with waves? (I found out later they were from a jet ski)

After a while I see the boat, the one we have to go around. I am closer but have a ways to go since I am way off to the left. I swim head on to the boat and pass it. I am happy. I get teary eyed again. I am doing it. I see the dock and all the tiny people lined up. It’s far. The kayaks are telling me to stay on course. I see the crowd and realize just how far off I am. But the dock looks straight ahead. Swim swim swim. I work on my sighting and am doing well except it seems to be taking forever. The people still look as tiny as they did 25 strokes ago. Am I going in circles? I keep swimming realizing this is quite a bit further than ½ mile. People are looking bigger and I can see more detail. I get closer and one of the kayaks is next to me. I see my teammate who hates swimming having a hard time. I tell her “way to go! You’re doing it!!” I am thrilled to see her. She is on the other side of the kayak. She didn’t know who I was. I keep swimming and get even closer. I am elated. I get close and touch bottom. Yuk, it’s muddy. I swim to my right and continue to swim to the ramp. I get close enough and I see everyone. I did it! I did the swim!

I get ready to run and see Ron photographing me. I see Heidi and my kids, my dear friend Laura. There they are. Elated, my heart is warm. I take the top of my wetsuit off and run up the ramp, up the steps to my bike. My friends follow me. I am thrilled to see them and want to stay and chat. Laura tells me something and I say I just did the hard part. I see Mike and Sharon and give them a big hug. Mike tells me how well I did and I look back and there are still many swimmers. I look at him in shock and point this out to him. I get my suit off, shoe son and shove some Odwalla bar in my mouth, drink Gatorade and water. I tell Luna and Liam I love them and I’m off on my bike…

Byron's place in the triathlon

2007-09-09T20:48:00.000-07:00

Byron deserves his own spot.
This is his medal. He placed 3rd in his age group.
He did awesome! I am so proud of him.

More early morning tri pics

2007-09-09T20:46:00.000-07:00

Our beloved coach Sara and her friend, again it's 6:30am

Getting ready to set up Transition Point 1(T1) . here we would set up our bikes and then get ready for the swim.

Early morning pre-triathlon photos

2007-09-09T20:42:00.000-07:00

We did it. After 14 weeks of intense training we completed the triathlon!!! I will write more about the whole experience later. For now I will post some pics. I have some professional ones coming and will have those out in a few weeks.

Setting up Transition point 2 (T2). It's 6:30am.

She's making her list and checking it twice...

2007-09-08T10:16:00.000-07:00

I did an easy run today and mentally made my list for the tri. It got scrambled and I realized I needed to write it down. Here goes... Less than 24 hours now.

buy Gatorade
practice putting on socks and shoes
Get registration pack
put number on bike
Practice putting wetsuit in bag
Visualize race
Breathe
email photographer with each of our race numbers
Call coach to ask question about where to swim (or really to alleviate anxiety)
SLEEP
EAT breakfast at 5am
Be at T2 at 6:30am to set up
Be at T1 at 7am to set up
Warm up in water

Swim:
oil/body glide
swim cap
goggles-clean
number belt
river shoes
hang wetsuits to dry
Keep all 5 together-will wear these first thing in a.m.

Bike:
check air in bike tires-120psi
oil bike chain
tighten loose screws (but not the gear ones!)
check seat height
fit helmet
check if helmet is certified
check tool bag (wrench set, lipbalm, mini air pump, spare innertube)
tape opened berry Odwalla bar to bike
fill bike water canisters-freeze
test ride bike

Run:
wash running socks
wash tri top and bike shorts
put dry socks in shoes
charge MP3 player
headphones and affirmation card in MP3 packet
race number

Transition areas:
towel
helmet with sunglasses set correctly-T1
Gatorade at each T point
water at each T point
open Odwalla bar at each T point
race number at T2
MP3 at T2 with MP3 packet clip open
bags at T points

Oh I hope I didn't forget anything!

3 days left!

2007-09-06T17:37:00.000-07:00

This week we are supposed to be tapering our workout. yesterday was my rest day. Not much of a rest as I drove 3 hours to/from class all day. Today Byron and I swam at the lake and ran. Only a little less than 2 miles running on the flat dam.

What was really interesting was while running my goal was to run SLOWLY. We are supposed to do things at an easy pace. So I tried. But I was out of breath the entire time. I wondered to myself, why? It must be the heat. Afterall it is well over 90 degrees but I'm not too hot. There is a nice breeze. Maybe I really do have issues with my lungs. My mom was a heavy smoker and I had chronic bronchitis throughout my childhood. Enough of the hypochondriacal reasoning. I don't know. I guess I am just tired.

I get back to the car and calculate my time, expecting over 12 min/mile. I ran 9.09 min miles!!!!! That's why I was short of breath. My fastest has been 11.33 min/mile. How did this happen? I tried to run slowly! I accounted for the distance as it was less than 2 miles. If I had done a full 2miles my pace would have been even more amazing. I ran about 1.75 miles.

Too cool. Tomorrow is a bike day. I work tonight and have clinic in the morning so I'll squeeze and easy bike ride on my new bike sometime.

1 week

2007-09-02T12:05:00.000-07:00

In less than one week I will have completed the tri. What an interesting concept. I have been reflecting on how far we have all come in this. I started out barely being able swim a lap in the pool. Coordinating the strokes and breaths felt impossible and oh, did my nose hurt from all of the water I breathed! Running seemed absolutely far fetched. the first time I ran at the high school track I was so winded and finished after 1 lap (1/4 mile). Then I was reserved to the fact that this would be a run/walk. Biking was fine but I didn't do hills. I quickly made it past the little hill in the valley with the utmost determination. Now I do hills bigger than that, no mountains yet though. But I can ride up the hill that hurts to walk.

James has always amazed me in this. Yesterday he was running a 7 min mile on the course. He is so humble about his achievements here. He is always calculating with this quiet determination. He makes it look so easy. Unlike myself, he is not dramatic. He quietly does his run . I watch how fast his legs move and it's incredible. He just does it and does it well.

Byron came in late in the training but it is clear he is a natural. Today he said the next thing he wants to buy is a new good street bike. We have cheap bikes. We didn't know how committed we were.

But after cussing at my bike at every long ride (handle bars would come loose, gears stop working, etc.) I decided to buy a nicer bike. I bought an exceptionally nice used bike from a teammate yesterday. It is sooo nice. I can lift the whole thing with 3 fingers--the carbon frame. It is fast too. It's a little big for my height but will work. I just have to ride more to get used to the handlebars and gears before tri day. Biking is my strength so I hope to make up some time from my slow swims. And the best part is I can just ride without feeling so frustrated with my bike.

I am feeling the closure but also keeping in mind that this is only the beginning. I will do the tri again next year with the goal of ranking in the middle of everyone. I want to do some bike races and crack a 10K and then enter a 10K run. I want to continue swimming and increase my speed for next year. Having an indoor pool in town will be nice for those cold rainy days this winter. I'll do the drills we did in training. James and I talk repetitively about training for a half iron-man (1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run) or and Olympic tri (.93 mi swim, 24.8 mi bike, 6.2 mi run).That would be cool.

Countdown to the Triathlon...

2007-08-31T22:27:00.000-07:00

9 days left. I received the registration confirmation email with the rules. It sent chills down my spine. We are almost there and it really will happen. I am afraid I will panic at the swim. I still cannot fathom starting on someone else's watch much less in a different location in the water.

I slacked a bit this week due to school. Yep, more school. Started the Family Nurse Practitioner (FNP) post-Master's program. It's overwhelming being back in school AND working f/t nights. I longed for training the two days I skipped. I ran the course the last two days. It gets easier each day but still a rough run.

Full length practice tri and running

2007-08-26T09:45:00.000-07:00

We did the full length (1/2 mile swim, 21 mile bike, 3 mile run) practice triathlon yesterday! (1/2 mile swim, 21 mile bike, 3 mile run) It was easier than I had anticipated. I swam the distance without any panic though I almost did a few times. I asked Mike to not say the word. After everyone went I swam slowly. Intentionally VERY slowly. I got to the point where I panicked last time and felt my breath shorten. I talked to myself and got through it. In all honesty I was really anxious BEFORE I got into the water. We did two times around some buoys in a triangle to swim the total 1/2 mile. I was anxious again when I was finishing the first lap and wondered where the group was. I knew I was last which meant they must be coming behind me finishing their last lap. Oh dear! What if they swim right over me? That was a scary thought. I popped my head up and looked for them and never really saw anyone except the safety boat. Ironically (not really) the guy on the safety boat was next to me the entire time. Oh der, what did Mike tell him? Something like, "You better stay close to that one, she's a real handful. She panics." I felt silly. the safety boat guy was cheering me on and reminding me to sight when I swam off course which was nice but distracting. Maybe he was buffering so that I would not get swam over. Where was the crowd? Later Byron said I was not that far behind so they never passed me. So I swam, I kept swimming. I got into my rhythm. On my final swim to the end I sped up. Mike was at the shore with the safety boat guy. Both were cheering me on.

I walked to the transition point relieved that I did not panic. Grabbed some water, gatorade and shoved a chunk of Clif bar in my mouth. I was surprised there were a few people left at the transition. I thought I'd be alone as my swim was sooooo slow and I was last. Byron was there and took off on his bike before me. I took off and enjoyed some of the ride. I got to the beginning hill. This is the biggest hill on the course. Shit! My gears are not working properly. I have a 21 speed and could only get 3 speeds and they were not the easier speeds. this is not how I want to start my ride. I make it up the hill really tired. Again thinking how much I hate my bike. I just tightened everything last night and pumped up the tires. I saw someone in red off in the distance ahead of me. I passed Patty on the side of the road, who is a serious triathlete. Her tire was flat. She had help and was getting the new tire ready. I forgot to get a tire patch kit. I have tools but no tire patch. I wonder how soon Patty will pass me.

I spent the first half of the ride trying to catch up to the person with the red shirt. I never got close enough to pass. My legs were so tired. They burned and I could not even stand to pedal up small hills. I remembered how I have always been this tired on the first half and then warm up and feel better on the last half when I speed up. I still longed for an leisurely bike ride. I got closer to the half way point/turnaround. I passed 2 cyclists I had not seen in the distance. Cool. Most of the team passed me in the other direction. Byron was stopped at the turnaround drinking water. We took off together. I stayed with him the whole time and we eventually passed the person in the red shirt and their biking partner. So I passed 4 people. Not bad for an incredibly slow swim. Patty passes all of us on the way back. She is impressive.

Mike is cheering us on back at the transition. He has a table set up with water. I get off my bike and take my time (oh did I ever take my time!!!) stretching, hydrating, snacking and socializing. I even went to the bathroom as our bikes are parked there. I wasn't racing and my priority was to finish the run nonstop. I needed that. I saw a friend and her little one. She was walking on the path we ran. We ran the dam at the lake. For the actual tri we will be running at the college. Mike told us the equivalent distance on the dam would be two times to the end and back. *gulp* I had only run the full dam once successfully. I could not imagine running the thing twice! Well, I will just do it. I have to. It's flatter than the college course so I should have no problem.

I down more water, get my headphones on and blast Rage Against the Machine's People of the Sun. Off I go. Wow. I can run. My footwork is good and my legs don't feel so bad. They hurt, they definitely hurt but not at all like the first time I tried a brick and failed miserably. I did want to stop more than ever though. I told myself to re-evaluate after the second song. that works well for me because by the time I get there I can keep going. The second song ended and I was still unhappy. Okay let's re-evaluate after the next song. Teammates are passing me in the other direction. We cheer each other on. I pass Byron. He is doing great but looks beat. he is going in the other direction too.

It's easier. I can do this. I am almost 1/4 way through. I turn around to head back. I realize I am going to do this. I REALLY will do this. I get a little weepy. Shit! I really am going to go the full distance today. Byron will too! James did not come because he was sick. I wish he could see us. I keep running. I reach the starting point. One more time. I turn around and off I go. It's so much easier now. It's not even hot out. I thank Mother Nature for the nice weather. I thought it was going to be 100+ degrees. It was sunny, warm but not hot with a few breezes. I see a few people opposite me getting ready to finish. yay! They did it! I reach the 3/4 point and turn around running the final part. I saw Byron in front of me running. he walked the 3rd lap of 4 and then ran the last part hard. I am so proud of him. I see him finish in the distance. I get weepy again. My boy did it! I get close and think about how far we have all come. I want to thank Mike so much for everything he has done for us. He is at the finish cheering me on. "I did it! I did the whole thing!" I say as I slap his hand. I head straight to Byron who is sitting down by his bike exhausted drinking gatorade. We hug. We smile. We did it! We can do this. We will do fine in 2 weeks. We socialize with other teammates. We get our times. Byron beat me by 2 minutes. I wasn't last despite my slow swimming time. I was happy. Later James looked up the finishing times for last year's tri. If I keep this time in the tri I won't be last. I won't even come close! I could shave off several minutes in the actual tri in my transition. I took at least 5 min in the bike run transition. 2 more weeks. here I go......

So I didn't blog about last week. I feel like I turned a corner with running. I trust the process now. I know I can run what I decide. I am even starting to like it. I just might stick with it. Last Sunday I wanted to run the length and back of the Golden Gate Bridge. Both ways totals 3 miles. It was too crowded so we settled for a beautiful path in Tiburon, CA along the bay. I just kept running and only turned around because it was time to go. It was easy. Then I ran the tri running coarse at the college twice. It was hard the first time but I completed it and I ran at the same pace as when I run the flats. there are nice rolling hills. We run the cross country course that winds around up and down the ravine through the frisbee golf course. We end up on pavement for the last mile and finish doing 1 lap around the track. I ran this course again alone. I stopped twice. the first time I didn't realize I stopped. I forgot my mental tools. So I started back up and ran a lot more. I walked again but very briefly. I checked my time and my pace was faster by a minute per mile! what??? I walked . I felt it though but I figured it was the hills. Either way I was happy. now I want to keep running after the tri and increase my speed. I want to do a 10K. I did 5 miles last week I can add another mile. I can run. I like running!

Just Keep Swimming

2007-08-17T21:52:00.001-07:00

Ellen Degeneres is in my head as I swim again in the lake. "Just keep swimming" I swam two more times this week. First time I did well. Last time I felt some anxiety develop but it did not go into full blown panic. I thought of Finding Nemo (Thanks James) and told myself to Just Keep Swimming. It passed and I went to the big island and back easily.

Good Week- bike run brick

2007-08-17T21:47:00.000-07:00

Two Wednesdays ago J and I attempted a bike run brick. It was unsuccessful for me. Since I did it at the practice tri I knew I could do it now. So we did another 1/2 bike and this time set the goal of 3 miles at the track instead of 2. I fought hard on the first two laps as my legs again felt like, well, bricks. I began to feel about 75% normal by about 1.5 miles. It wasn't bad but I felt sooooo sloooooow even though J said my time was my normal pace. I was pleased that I completed it.

Good Week-Breaking 5 miles

2007-08-17T21:44:00.000-07:00

Last Monday I finally ran 5 miles! Yep, 5 miles. It was a random number that just stuck in my head as a goal. I have done 4, even 4.25 but 5 seemed so far yet so close. It felt great to go so far without stopping. I am feeling more comfortable with running. In fact I had a difficult night at work the night before so I "needed" to run.

Good Week- Practice Tri

2007-08-17T09:03:00.000-07:00

It has been a productive week. Last Saturday we did a practice half-tri with the team. I had been running all week so that I could complete the 2 mile after biking. I needed to do this run. The swim began and I unexpectedly had a full blown panic attack in the lake again. I was swimming well and suddenly I could not breathe and it scared me. I knew I could float with the wetsuit but I also knew I had to get to point B or turn around. Either way I had to keep swimming. yet I could not put my face in the water. I tried to relax on my back but that made the breathing worse. I called for James who was a few feet ahead of me "James. I can't breathe. I'm scared. Wait for me." He waited and told me to keep swimming. I doggie paddled to point B and was able to touch bottom. Damn it! Why had I done that? I wasn't afraid before. Mike came with his surf board ...again! I calmed down. James reminded me of "Finding Nemo" and said Just Keep Swimming. I caught my breath and the panic was gone. I'm going now and I will finish. I did. On the last leg, I swam as hard as I could to the finish. I sighted Mike and was going to try not to look silly again. Interesting how coordinated my stroke is when I swim fast.

I went for my bike and J was still at his. We rode together. What a relief. biking is easy and relaxing. J and I biked together for a while which was nice. We passed a few others on the way back. I replayed the panic attack wondering what triggered it and what I need to do to prevent it from happening again. Maybe I brushed up against an animal. Maybe it was after Mike said, "if anyone has a panic attack I'm right here." Maybe it was that I did not warm up and I had not been in the open water for 2 weeks. Maybe it was starting on someone else's clock and not mine. Probably all of the above. Either way I need to spend the remainder training in the lake and not the pool. I decided to let that go and focus on the upcoming run. I was even more determined to complete the run now. I refuse to fail on 2 of 3.

I come to the transition place ready to run. One of the team members reminded me to drink as I got off my bike. I drank water and Gatorade and took a bite of Odwalla Bar. Got my music organized and walked fast for a few minutes stretching my legs. Here I go. It's only 2 miles and it's flat. J was about a 1/2 mile ahead of me. i could see him in his red shirt. I start. Wow, my legs again feel like bricks. I can work past it. I will run slowly. I saw other teammates running back. They encouraged me and I encouraged them. It felt good to step out of my concentration and cheer them on. It made the whole experience more positive. I saw one of our teammates who had trouble on the trail form hell the first time. He was on the way back and I was thrilled to see him keep going. He looked great and fast. I gave him a smile and thumbs up. Then I saw Byron. Oh my! my boy!!! He has his camel bag on and is saying something to me but I can't hear him. He is fast and long making it look easy. he is smiling and we give each other a big smile. I yell out "way to go Byron!" he is ahead of both James and I. I see James pass by me. We smile. I am prettyhappy at this point. I am almost at the turn around point. I know I can complete this. I have never made it this far on this path without stopping and now I have no intention of stopping. I turn and head back. My legs are feeling better, more like at the end of a run rather than bricks. I see the end. I see Mike's car which is the finish line. Everyone is down there. I go from the pavement to the final downhill train to the the parking lot. I see J and Byron. Everyone is cheering me on so I sprint to J and Byron who are holding out their hands.

I did it. I completed the run. I feel great. Byron made really good time as well as James.

Run run run...

2007-08-10T12:08:00.000-07:00

Tuesday I ran 3 miles easily. The first mile was the easiest (first time ever!). I hit the wall at lap 7 which was very unusual. I moved through it. J and I met some other runners at the track. J had run behind this guy on Monday. J knew this guy's partner from his old job so they talked for a while. We found out that the guy and J ran at the same pace and the woman ran at my pace. We exchanged numbers and plan to run together soon.

Wednesday J and I tried a brick bike run. That was really hard. I was tired biking already so running was impossible. My legs felt like cement marshmallows. They were just exhausted. I could barely move them and as a result did not make it far before stopping. Once I stopped running to walk I could never really start back up and stick with it. This time it was both physical and mental. Usually it is just mental. I was afraid of my knees. If I can't feel my legs I cannot feel where they step. I could step the wrong way and out they go. I did not like that fear at all. Some other triathletes made suggestions of stretching before the run and walking a bit on the run course until I can feel my legs. I resisted that initially because I wanted my transition time to be fast to make up for time lost. But my priority is finishing the tri and I have a better chance of doing so if I do rest my legs first.

Initially I was disappointed in that I lost faith in my body's ability. Then I asked what could I learn from this? I need to practice this as this is hard for everyone. I should have never stopped or at least broken it up into pieces asking myself do do one more lap and re-evaluate. I will persist until it happens.

So today we did a run only. I used some of my skills to get past the wall. I bargained to give it one more lap and of course I was fine and did a full 3. Neither easy nor difficult. My time was 12 min/mile.

Tomorrow is the practice tri with the team. I will need to use every tool I have to do this.

4.25!

2007-08-06T18:40:00.000-07:00

I ran 4.25 miles nonstop at the high school track today!!! I needed that after such a low point. I brought some positive words with me on a notecard and planned to look at them when I hit the wall. I never took them out of my pocket. I hit the wall early and convinced myself that it would be far worse if I stopped now. I don't like feeling sad and what is the worst that could happen if I continued? I don't hurt. It is more like having a really persistent person in my face telling me to stop. I stop because I don't override that persistence. The pain of disappointment is far worse.

I kept going. I hit my happy spot and even went into a meditative place for a while. I told myself that I am fit and I run like a well trained athlete. That was funny as I argued wit myself on that one. I remembered it from my notecard. I concluded that I am well trained as I have two coaches working with me. Silly things I think about.

My pace was good. I picked up my feet more and had a good tempo the whole way. I did not time myself though. I got to close to 3 miles and decided to keep going. I was hoping for 4 miles and dreaming of 5. I passed James at the 12th lap and yelled out, "I'm taking this as far as it takes me!!" It took me 5 more laps. By the last lap (#17) I hit another wall. Nothing significant. I could have overridden it. But I was actually feeling tired and I was happy at how far I went. The farthest so far is 4 miles so I passed it. My kids were biking and running there and I wanted to interact with them as I had tried so hard to ignore them as I ran (distraction is a big issue for me).

The kids biked 2 miles and ran 1/2 mile. they were proud of their accomplishments too. We sat in the grass, stretched and talked about our work today. I am back to feeling like I can in fact do this tri.

Low point

2007-08-04T17:25:00.000-07:00

This running is such a thorn in my side. I know it is all about the negative self talk I have. How do I intercept it and replace it with BELIEVABLE positive self talk? When I run well it flows. The positive self talk flows in. My performance improves. The other times, well you know the story.

We ran with the team on the official triathlon trail. It was significantly easier than the "trail from hell" which was really nice. Just rolling hills and a combo of flat pavement and dirt path. It was not hard at all. I started running happy that it wasn't so bad. I saw a small hill and looked down and was thrilled that I reached the peak fast. I can do this. I didn't care that the group was ahead of me. I could see them enough to stay on the right track but I didn't care. My goal was to run without stopping not to run fast.

Mike and the team stopped to talk. He wanted to tell us about the trail a few times along the path. Yeah, so I can blame my downfall on him. I am approaching realizing that I am at the mental turning point of my happy place. If I keep running I will be fine, if I stop it's over. I stopped. What else should I do? Look like a jerk and run past the group not knowing where I am going? I stopped and was out of breath. I started up again and was out of breath. I felt anxiety kick in and I was off on a downward spiral of shortness of breath and negative thoughts. I stopped to walk again several times and ran to the next point where Mike and the team were. I felt like a failure for stopping even more.

At this point I was hating the entire thing. I wanted to go home. I wanted to sleep. I was scared. How will I do this after biking? I won't be able to do this? Maybe I should not bother with this triathlon. Maybe I should have someone else run for me. But this is my challenge. This is what I want more than anything...to complete the run without stopping even if I am last. I know I am physically fit enough. But is my head the barrier here?

I came home, napped and have been pretty depressed all day. I started reading the book Running Within by Jerry Lynch and Warren Scott. It addresses the body-mind-spirit connection for training. It talked about the physiological effects of negative self talk and anxiety when running. Sounds like me. I realized I have been having small anxiety attacks when I run on bad days. Today before running I drove there with butterflies in my stomach dreading running, or really dreading "failure." Once the shortness of breath and negativity started I went into a spiral of anxiety and more negativity. I breathe through my mouth entirely which the book says wastes energy and oxygen. I don't breathe in my nose as it feels like I am not getting enough air. The book suggested sitting for 10 min a day and breathing visualizing the positive. It feels good to read about this and receive validation. So now what? I will try to visualizations, more positive talk and proper breathing. But how do I intercept the negativity once it starts? It's so strong at that point. I'll keep reading and maybe call the author.

I decided to work more on running going back to flat distance running. I can handle these hills. I need to go back to the mental work of completing the distance. Mike suggested I run 4 miles on the flats and throw in a few intervals. Tonight I will add to my training schedule an additional running schedule. I have to do this. I will do this.

Interval Training

2007-08-02T15:45:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a 30 mile bike ride followed by about .25 mile run. We increased the biking intensity and shaved off 6.5 minutes of our total biking time. Our legs felt like marshmallow bricks when we ran and definitely humbled us. How WILL we do this exactly running 3 miles on hills? My legs were numb the first half. I was focused on getting feeling back in them which was good in that it distracted me form my usually whining about running. Once I got my feeling back I was so happy to feel my legs that running didn't seem all that bad.

Today was a nice workout. Ran 1.5 miles of intervals. That was a harder and higher quality workout than when I run 3 miles in the flats. We swam 1000 meters also following the interval training schedule. I had become quite good at pacing myself for longer distances and not feeling worked. Today I swam as hard as I could and THAT was work. It was good to be back in the pool. The wetsuit in the lake created a false sense of security. I had to briefly re-learn my form without it.

Times

2007-07-31T15:59:00.001-07:00

yesterday I did better on the "trail from hell." It was challenging but it felt faster this time. James timed me at 21min per mile and I went over 3 miles with a lot of stops. Not great time but it gives me something with which to work. At team practice we did interval running where we ran fast on the straights and walked or jogged the curves on the track. I am hoping to work more on that to increase my stamina further and my speed.

I swam the distance today well. I have had no trouble swimming and really never get tired. I realized I need to work harder. I am slow, I can swim forever that way but it will not help me on race day. Perhaps in along tri it is good. I swam harder at a hi-moderate perceived effort today and figured out some more strokes. Something Mike had tried to teach us early on that I never really grasped. I extended my arms far utilizing my hips to push out feeling it in my obliques. I felt like I was gliding like skates on ice. What a discovery! My speed increased but my sighting went by the wayside. SO that next buoy seemed pretty far away yet I knew I was faster. Oh yeah that's because I am swimming AWAY from it. James timed me at 21 min. Not bad and i was only about 3 min behind him. I wonder what my time would have been if I swam in a straight line?

Tomorrow is a biking day and some running.

3 mile trail run and .75 mile swim

2007-07-27T14:25:00.001-07:00

I did it! I ran 3 miles on the trail from hell and then swam beyond the tri distance in the lake. I found a rhythm with running though I did stop several times. I felt much better. I ran further and had some long stretches up and down hills. I did not beat myself up and gave myself full permission to stop or walk if needed. Once I did that I stopped far less and for very short periods of time to just catch a few breaths and move on. Swimming was really fun, sort of a reward for the running. I went way past the 5th buoy to the island on the other side of the lake.

town running

2007-07-26T19:22:00.000-07:00

Ran 3 miles on the road today in town. Not easy but not as bad as the trails. I do feel like I am treading water on the running and worrying about putting it all together in 6 weeks. How do I successfully run (successful=not stopping) factoring in the trails, hills and 21.7 mile bike ride? I have to trust the process. Afterall I made it this far.

On the way home I had James stop the car so I coud run up the very steep hill to our house. I am thinking maybe frequent exercises like that will help. Practice talking myself along the hills.

Tomorrow it's the lake (woohoo!!!!) and the trails.

3 days

2007-07-26T09:34:00.000-07:00

Saturday 21 July
Byron and I went with our team to the swim and run clinic. Byron and I easily swam to the 4th buoy. Coaches had us run the trail at the lake. I thought this would be fun. It was until I hit the hills. Just when I figured out the flats and had my endurance figured out. It was hard. It was brutal. I felt pretty disappointed after the run. I walked part of the way. Mike and Sara both encouraged me while running. I held back my tears on the trail. Sara reminded me how far I have come with swimming. It didn't help though. How can I do this? This is what the trail will be like at the tri. If I can't do this after a short easy swim, how can I possibly do it after a 21.7 mile bike ride? I feel this peace and comfort with swimming and biking. I swim as slow as molasses but I am fine with it. I really love the process and I know I can swim far. I love biking even when it hurts. There is never a question in my mind to stop when it hurts. I don't. Not an option nor do I want it to be. Running is different. Again, I want to stop at that wall. If I stop though, even for a break I never get my rhythm. On my good days it is great. I pass the wall fast and then I can keep going but it is so inconsistent and unpredictable. On the trails I longed for my nice neat controlled environment of the high school track. I loved the trees and the path and the beauty but I longed for the flats. Maybe I need hypnosis. I am convinced my issues with running are all mental. I want to get into the same mental space as I do for biking and swimming. I know physically I can do it. I can surpass it if my head will just stop.

On a positive note, Byron did a fabulous job! he ran with the better runners and stayed with them the entire time. He went the full 4 miles and had so much fun. Each day he tells me how happy he is that he has gone even further, further than he has ever in his life. Wow. My heart is warm.

Tuesday 24 July
James and I went to the lake. I swam the full distance, the 5th buoy! that was easy, slow but very easy. I was pleased that I could do it. Now I want to focus on increasing my speed.

I tried the trail again. It was hard. I ran more than last time but it was still an emotional roller coaster. this time I let myself cry in the middle of the trail. It was a moment where I wish I were religious and truly believe in something so I could ask for guidance. I sat there and asked myself over and over what do I need to do. The only answer was to keep practicing on that trail until I run the whole thing. Accept that I am starting again only this time the level is higher. Appreciate the trail. I do love the beauty. I feel comforted in the trees in a way. I did do well on the flats. I could have run the diatnce no problem on a flat trail. the hills get me esp the long steep ones. the downhills are easy but stressful. I fear I will run down too hard and hurt my knees so I am guarded which takes up a lot of energy. I do appreciate the flat runs more and know I can do a 5K easily on flats.

Wed 25 July
James and I biked 30 miles today. It was awesome. I love the scenery here. Our time was 1h 55 min. the first time we biked 21 miles our time was 1h 50 min! SO we are improving.

More tri training pics

2007-07-22T09:54:00.000-07:00

This is the lake where we practice. We are to swim to the 5th buoy (can only see the first one here) and back. It's a nice swim.

Byron and James, the Aquamen

Byron and Cecily after swimming to the 3rd buoy easily

Byron and his new road bike

Tri Training pics

2007-07-22T09:50:00.000-07:00

We finally got some pics of our training.
Luna an Liam ran a mile that day.

Byron in his swim gear

Even the little ones want this

2007-07-16T08:42:00.000-07:00

James found this for the kids. Now Luna is very serious about participating in the CA kids' triathlon in August. In fact she is committed now. She has set her goal to run a mile today so that she will be faster on the 1/2 mile at the kids' tri. I told her to work her way up to it but her mind is set. She knows she has to work harder on her swimming. We reminded her of that. She said "That's okay, I will just swim more and work harder. I can do it." Wow. She has far more determination than I! She is also reminding us that it is time to buy her a real bike too.

Even Byron could do this tri. The last age froup is 15-17. He scoffed at the shorter bike and swim distances then realized he could work on his time and maybe even place. All he needs to work on is his running which we will be doing here in a few minutes.

Liam wants to do it and is excited that training wheels are accepted. He is not as committed as Byron and Luna but likes the idea.

My question now is how in the world do we coach the younger kids? I can coach Byron easily but I don't want to push my kids yet I want to encourage them.

My boy is a wannabe triathlete too!

2007-07-15T23:51:00.000-07:00

Byron and I did the tri bike route today. It was easier than anticipated. The path James and have been riding has been good preparation. We swam in the lake after. It was neat to watch Byron thrive. His swimming form was perfect and he didn't need a wetsuit. He said he is comfortable swimming in the open water. He plays in a pool but usually swims in lakes when he is with friends and family.

We were famished afterwards. We stopped at the store as we were both craving veggie sandwiches. We picked up a tomato, red onion, fresh whole grain bread, Boca burger mock chicken patties and fruit. this opened up the opportunity for a discussion on nutrition and fitness. Byron seemed to get why gorging on sugar and candy or forgetting to eat breakfast would not be helpful in a triathlon.

He is pretty excited about training now. He wants a "real" bike, a road or tri bike as opposed to our giant non-aerodynamic mountain bikes. maybe next year.

Little achievements

2007-07-14T14:47:00.000-07:00

Yesterday 3.5 mile run at about 12 min/mile. Again I ran with, err...near James, quite enjoyable. Today we had team training. Swam for 3 hours. I did not swim much this week so my stamina was a bit lower. Once I swam several laps though, I picked back up. Swimming is the most centering and fun of the three for me.

Byron is excited about the triathlon training. He went to team training today and "signed up." Mike thought his technique was pretty good. This will be a good thing for him. He is conjuring up ways to bike down the mountain to the next town. Tomorrow he and I will go to the unofficial team training and bike the actual 21.7 mile path for the triathlon followed by a lake swim with the coach.

Together again

2007-07-12T17:16:00.000-07:00

Begrudgingly after work this morning I did my 3 miles. Laps 5-7 were awesome. I lost myself in the process and felt great. James noticed I picked up my pace then. yep, James and I ran TOGETHER. I thought we'd give it a try with the understanding that I'd ask him to come back at lap 6 if I was getting distracted. No problems. It was nice doing this together which was the original idea of this triathlon. He did an admirable 9 min mile and a full 10K/6 mi. I did not time my pace as I just wanted to complete the 3 miles/5K. He timed it for me and said I did a 12 min mile. Not bad. I was far more pleased at my ability to run the full 3 with James than my time.

Yesterday I had a hard day. I went to another track in the middle of the day and only did a mile and biked 15 min.

Now I am excited to run again. J and I will run again tomorrow after work. I want to go further and do 4 miles. I could have gone further today. had I known J was going for the 10 K I would have. But I thought he was stopping with me so I stopped. Once I stop it's over. I did get some nice stretching in while he finished though.

20.5 mile cycling ecstasy

2007-07-10T20:20:00.000-07:00

At the end of the day after the morning 3 mile run yesterday, James and I cycled 20.5 miles. It was an exhilarating ride over small hills and with the finale being a larger hill that I would not have savored in the beginning of the ride. By that point I was energized and ready for the challenge. I ate up the lactic acid feeling in my legs pedaling harder to make the top. I saw there was more and loved the idea that I had more to do. I made it to the peak. Yeah! and several minutes all downhill. Woohoo! The wind tipping my helmet back, closing my mouth tight (bugs everywhere!). Incredible!

Back to normal

2007-07-09T09:36:00.001-07:00

Today I ran 3 miles non stop at the high school track. James came in at lap 6 where I felt a little panic for an 1/8 mile and went back to my happy place listening to Rage Against the Machine and feeling my breaths and feet.

Open Water

2007-07-09T09:07:00.000-07:00

Yesterday we practiced with the team in the lake. What a process that was! I liked the lake. I liked the beauty of the hills nearby and the clarity of the water. I could see the rocks and the gradual decline much like the beach. Our coach assured me several times that he has never seen a snake (I'm phobic). I bought it and did not get any bad snake creepy feelings. Water was warm and I went for the first buoy. My stroke was good. I felt confident. I was happy. This is not bad at all. Sighting was hard as I stopped swimming and had to tread water to look up and then begin freestyling all over again. I took in some water in my nose and mouth and suddenly I was panicking. I can't touch bottom or a wall. Shit. I can't stop my arms and legs from flailing. I can't stop hyperventilating. Why can't I breathe? I turn on my back. Better but I can't stop flailing or breathing hard. It is harder to breathe on my back. I try and try to focus. I have to ask for help. I see one of coaches, Mike, with his surfboard. He seems really far. I am really frightened. I yell out for help feeling panic and embarrassment. Mike is so far away. After I yell out he is magically there in an instant. I hold his surfboard and continue to hyperventilate.

I apologize and he assures me that this is normal. I don't know what happened. I was doing well. My strokes were the best ever. I was not at all tired. I just panicked. I remebered about this athlete that was a top competitive swimmer in the pool who did a triathlon. When he went to the open water during the triathlon he panicked and quit. He spent a year working thorugh his open water fears. Thank goodness I read that or I would have felt like a loser.

Mike helped me calm down. I could hear Sara, the other coach tell me how much my swimming has improved. I felt calm and ready to go again. I was practically at the first buoy when I panicked. Mike stayed next to me while I swam back to shore and continued to work with me. My confidence was back. He gave me a wetsuit which is legal in the triathlon and helps with floating. I felt like I was cheating! I floated like a cork and continually asked Mike if this really was okay in the race. He assured me that most people use them. Wow, it was better than my fins which are not allowed. He stayed with me for another swim to the first buoy. No problem esp with this suit. I knew I could tread with it if necessary. I looked at Mike and said I wanted to go further to the secong buoy. I went for it. I did and returned to shore easily. All I could think of while swimming was my stroke. How did I look? Am I doing it correctly? It felt right. I sighted better and almost swam in a straight line. I did it.

I was happy that I panicked early. I am happy that I did not worry about snakes. I did see a floating stick once and ask Mike if it was a snake. It was not of course. I was impressed at Mike and Sara's reassurance. Truly awesome coaches. James said that when I started everyone was commenting on how well I was swimming. Really I like the open water. It's a nice challenge. I know physically I can handle it. I have to swim to the 5th buoy and back for the race. I know when I have more confidence (and those wetsuits sure help!) I will do it. My stamina has drastically increased. Again it is my mind that I have to work.

I ran two miles after which was bad. I ran and walked and fought it every step of the way. I want to run again at the track without James and see if that is it. I am in a running slump but loving the swim.

Overconfident?

2007-07-05T22:27:00.000-07:00

James and I attempted a mini-triathlon in our training today. We started with swimming 1 mile with the majority being nonstop. We are going to swim in open water this weekend so this is good practice. Immediately after we rode our bikes 14 miles and on a whim decided to ride to the high school track and run at least 1.5 miles.

Mind you by this point the morning is getting pretty hot. We found out later by run time it had already reached 100 degrees F. I had also gotten off of work at 7:30 am and and only slept 4 hours the day before and 5 the day before that. I have been working several nights in a row this week.

The swim went really well. My stamina has improved immensely. I never really felt tired at the end and could have continued. Biking went well. The small hills are getting easier each time. The views are incredible. We bike out in the valley and pass miniature horses, rolling fields, oak trees, goats, sheep, wild turkeys. The run however was my wall. By my second lap I couldn't do it. Much like I had done in the beginning only I could not get past this wall. I cried all the way through the second lap starting running and walking discouraged after making so much progress yesterday. I have continued to run 3 miles fairly easily since Victoria. I have also done 2 trainings (swim, run; run, bike; swim, bike) everyday this week. James caught up with me and got me moving. I ran the last 2 and called it a mile. It was hard. I wanted to stop so much but he encouraged me. I did it, rode back to the health club where we parked the car, showered and went home to bed.

I have been playing over and over again the feelings. What went wrong? Was i more tired than I thought after swimming and biking? Was it too hot? Was it James's presence? All I know is when I started warming up my legs felt like bricks and I could barely pick them up.

Tomorrow is another day.

Overcoming running obstacles

2007-06-30T21:15:00.000-07:00

Ran 3 miles in 37 min nonstop and swam 1km today. This is the best I have done so far. Tomorrow I am hoping to swim and bike after work and then run again before I go to work tomorrow night. Something awesome happened in Canada where it all just clicked for me with running. I will cut and paste my journal entry below. I am pleased I have overcome that hump running. When I began a month ago I could not make it past 1/4 mile without feeling like I had asthma and absolutely hating the process. I ran a mile yesterday while we were driving back from Canada. I had to get out of that car and move! But it was a hard mile so I was not sure if I could actually do the 3 again today. I did and I am happy. Off to work i go now....

"We came back to the hotel and the kids went to bed. James jogged along the Galloping Goose trail [In Victoria, BC]. It was getting late so I decided to jog at the health club with a small track. This is really incredible. It was small track on the roof of the club. I could see Victoria. I jogged a few laps not knowing how long they were nor how many added up to what. So I started with the goal of 8 laps. That came easily so I upped it to 12 and continued to increase in increments of 3. Running has been such a challenge for me but things were falling into place, or else this was a REALLY small track and I am running at a REALLY slow pace. My breaths were in sync with my steps and I was feeling like I was meditating. I was at 24 laps and still had a lot of energy. I told myself go to 30 and I’d be finished. 30 came and went I wanted more. It was easy. I was not out of breath and I had a lot of energy (probably from all of the food and sweets I have been indulging in this week!!!). How about 40, 45? 45 rolls around. Well now I must do 50. it sounds better and I can keep going. I felt great, proud and knew I had moved past something here. I knew I had gone further than I ever have without stopping. I don’t know how far, maybe only a mile. But I had not run a straight mile nonstop since high school. I whine and complain at ¼ - ½ mile and work through the rest stopping and starting. I found that “happy place” that runners seem to find. The endorphins were here and I was loving the challenge of how far I could push myself. I wasn’t really even pushing yet, just playing a game really. 50 rolled around and it was getting late. I did 50 laps in 35 minutes. I walked a lap and oh my! There were feelings or lack thereof in my legs I have never felt. My thighs were like play-doh and it was hard to walk. But I was thrilled. I went down and asked the worker if she knew the distance of the track. I am thinking 50 laps = 1 mile. She asks her manager. 10 laps = 1km. So I do the math. So 50 laps = 5 km. That’s a 5K. That’s 3 miles!!!!!! That is what I have to do for the triathlon. I never ever thought I could run 3 miles nonstop. I have not run past ½ mile nonstop. I felt elated, like I had won a contest. I ran back to the hotel to tell James. He was happy and told me he never had any doubt I could do it. I was still shocked. The thing that was really amazing is I could have gone further. It was only time that stopped me. I wanted to get back to see James and it was almost 10pm. The club closed at 10. James has been thinking of entering a 5 or 10 K in a few weeks. After tonight I decided to enter the 5 K. I just hope I can reproduce what I did."

Vegan doughnuts

2007-06-23T18:29:00.000-07:00

We are in Portland for a conference and what do we see??!! Voodoo doughnuts. Not just doughnuts but VEGAN doughnuts. Our kids have never had a doughnut in their lives, funny as I grew up on them with glazed being my favorite. Luna continues to reiterate how she has never had a doughnut as we enter the shop. We go in to this small and rather hip bakery and there's the vegan selection on a plate. The kids picked the ones with white frosting and colorful sprinkles. I pick the one with chocolate frosting and peanuts and J picks the chocolate with coconut. For 50 cents more we could get 1/2 dozen. So chocolate covered and maple covered it is. The kids ate half and said, "Gee this bagel is really sweet. Can we save it for later?" A bagel. No concept of doughnuts. As I write this, J and I are planaing to go back and get more tonight. I heard it is open all night. If the door is locked we can knock and someone will come.

Running Ramblings

2007-06-17T12:05:00.000-07:00

I swam 1/2 km with some decent strokes followed by a 2 mile run. All after working all night. We did the same yesterday with the team. We ran down a road alongside a beautiful creek. I like that much more than the monotonous high school track.

Running is such an issue for me. Once I let go I run and have no problems. But I have noticed I begin for quite a long time fighting myself every step of the way. "Can't run anymore, my legs hurt...Stop... Can't run anymore, I don't like the terrain ... Stop...Can't run anymore, my breathing is too hard...Stop...Can't run anymore, this sucks...Stop" whine whine whine. So I stop often, feel bad for stopping, walk fast and mentally prepare to run more. As I came closer to the 1 mile mark, I ran longer distances setting mini goals. "I will run to that telephone pole ...to that tree ...to that curve ...to the top of the hill." That worked well but I still stopped at those points rather then continuing. My coach told me to do exactly that, set mini goals and not to be hard on myself.

On the way back, I did the same but less stopping. By about halfway I finally found a rhythm and ran the rest of the way nonstop. My steps were in sync with my exhaling breath.It became a meditation and I finally let go. I did not think of how much this sucked or hurt. I looked up, set even smaller goals, passed them and realized how much like school it was. Get an A on this test and this one and this one and it will add up to one for the course. Pass this pole and this one and this one and I will see my car soon. I was enjoying this. I was doing it. I was pleased. I did it.

Now if I can figure out how to let go. It all seems so random. It was not a conscious choice, it just happened. I could have run even further at that point. I guess I have to plan longer distances and expect that I will fight the first half and it will eventually work.

Swimming and Biking

2007-06-15T19:57:00.000-07:00

Been swimming the last two days. I am pleased with my improvement. The strokes and breathing are beginning to feel natural to me. Today I swam a total of 1000 meters, hey that's .6 mile...woohoo! Last Saturday at training the coaches filmed our swimming. Of course when he filmed me I did my worst swimming ever. If only they had filmed me today. I was on it and even had some speed. The kids have been going with us, swimming in the pool while we do laps. Luna can swim 10 meters on her own. Pretty impressive.

Two days ago I biked 12.8 miles in the valley. It was a beautiful ride with two small to medium inclines. It reminded me of the village in Transylvania... the smell of trees, heat, animals and the wild grasses growing. I talked myself up the longer incline. I had done two loops around so the second time was more of a challenge going uphill as I was tired. the rest of the ride was fairly flat so I could work more on speed. I feel pretty confident on biking. I was tired at the end but I could have done two more loops totaling almost 26 miles. I feel confident that biking will not be an issue in the triathlon. I need more work on hills and speed but I know I can do that.

Running is a whole other issue. My weakest point in all of this. I did well one day last week and can't quite imitate that. I am breathing better and not getting tired. However somewhere before 1/2 mile I hit some sort of wall. I just want to stop and even if I tell myself no, my legs slow down and I stop. Then of course I get frustrated with myself. I am not tired, just done. And from that point the rest of practice is really hard. I know I just have to push through that. I want to have J run with me and talk me through that point. A co-worker suggested an i-pod for running. She said she gets bored and that is what makes her stop. The music distracts her well. I think that is a small part of it. But when I get to that wall I think I just can't do it anymore even though I can. On that good day I was full of positive self talk and did great but the last few times it's just not there. The other difference is that day I did well I was alone. maybe I am distracted by J and the kids.

Tomorrow we have training with the coaches and team. We have swim and running. It will be good to get feedback on the running.

2007-06-13T11:00:00.000-07:00

We had a very full week this week. Our dear friend, Melissa from college spent 5 days with us. We kept her busy. She willingly and patiently came along with us for our triathlon practices.

On Sun was the Pride fest. We tabled for Code Pink. Luna finally got her ears pierced. I cut here hair last week (long story) and a while back I tried to bribe her with earrings if she let me cut here hair. She remembered that bribe so we went for it. She did not even bat an eyelash when they pierced her ears. She said it did not hurt at all and since then she has religiously taken care of her ears by washing them 2x daily and turning them 3x on the clock.

We hiked the redwoods, went to the coast, ate and ate and ate. Melissa is from Chicago and has never been west of the Mississippi so of course we had to go for authentic taqueria burritos. We went to Ravens for a gourmet vegan experience, the Ukiah brewery for some microbrew, and of course the Buddhist temple.

She left today and it is quiet again. We miss her terribly and had such a lovely time. Nothing has changed in our dynamics since college. We have always had this incredible comfort level around each other. None of that has changed. We have grown up a bit in our worldview but we look the same and have fun the same way we did 12 years ago. Only we have more kids and she has more dogs now.

Biking, Running and Swimming

2007-06-09T23:46:00.000-07:00

I rode my new bike the other day int he neighborhood. Our neighborhood has a lot of hills but I felt comfortable with the idea of riding here. Idea, of course, it was. It was harder than I expected riding the hills. I was discouraged afterwards. But thanks to my friend and frequent blog responder Will who bikes, I received encouragement and am up for more this weekend.

Yesterday I ran alone at the track. J was picking up our friend from the airport. I ran 1.25 miles without nearly as much effort as the first time this week. I was pleased with my work. I realized so much of it for me running is mental discipline. I have never ran past that wall to reap the actual benefits of running. I have always stopped at any discomfort. I talked myself though encouraging myself every step of the way. then on my last lap I focused on belly breathing which helped tremendously but required SOOOO much discipline and focus. I was easily distracted. As soon as I did that I hyperventilated. Once I returned to the belly breaths I was fine and could run another lap no problem. My legs and knees were fine, just my breathwork needed focus. Afterwards I felt great and even enjoyed the process. I am looking forward to running again tomorrow.

Today we had swim practice with the coaches. I did better but was inconsistent. they filmed us and we watched and gave feedback. Mine being the worst as coach had to remind everyone that I was an absolute beginner *blushing*. I have heard the learning curve is about 3 weeks. I am beginning week 2 now and feeling much more comfortable in the water. We'll see.

With all of this I am feeling really nice. My legs are sore in places unfamiliar. But I am not at all exhausted. I'd love to do some Pilates work to strengthen my core but I don't know how we could make that work. Our coaches do private trainings in it.

Funding this journey

2007-06-05T08:42:00.000-07:00

Okay readers, we are in need of funding. We are looking for "sponsors" to make donations (financial and childcare) to support us through this triathlon. We are paying a chunk of money for the training (well worth it!), $100 to enter the triathlon, childcare, health club memberships (the really big chunk in this), equipment, etc. It's adding up to be quite a lot.

While we are thrilled and it is of course necessary and worth it, we are middle class and have summer camps, school tuitions, mortgage and other financial obligations. If anyone feels like making a donation, it will gladly be welcomed. While you may not directly benefit from it. It sends the message that you support healthy lifestyles through fitness. You can tell all of your friends that and they will think you are really cool. And WE will worship you and throw a big party after we complete the race.

So what kinds of donations do we need? Money and if you are local childcare.

If you are interested or know anyone else contact me. If you don't have contact info, let me know in a comment with your email.

Day 1-Run/Walk

2007-06-04T20:44:00.000-07:00

Bothe James and I will write here:

Cecily:
Today was the official first day of training. We have been given a strict schedule to follow. We were to run/walk 30 min.

Took the whole family down to the track at the high school. Little ones played croquet and ran a little. Actually Luna ran about 1/2 mile and walked another 1/2. Impressive for a 3 foot something girl weighing 40 something pounds. She looked so tiny running along the big track. She was never intimidated (I sure was!) by how much a mile was.

Byron swiftly ran a whole mile with James. We dragged him down to the track with us and he loved it. James did really well running over 2.5 miles in 30 min. And me, I did run a mile and walk the rest totaling 2.5 miles. This is my most disliked sport. I never liked running esp that which requires stamina. Sprinting I like. It was not so bad though. The last time I ran a mile was in middle school.

I was discouraged when I had to walk. My legs were fine. I worried about my knees which like to dislocate every now and again. I actually talked to my knees before I started asking them to be good to me. They did. My whole body was fine except my lungs. I would get short of breath, get anxious,hyperventilate too much and not be able to breathe. Quite embarassing. After a few laps, I was able to do some yoga breaths and hand movements (I like visuals). By my last running lap I chanted to the rhythm of my step "yes...yes...yes..yes" to overpower the "no...no...no" in my head. That helped a lot.

Right now I feel great but a bit rubbery.

Tomorrow we are to swim 800 meters *gulp*
-------
James:
I can't believe that I jogged 30 minutes and did a 12 minute mile pace. It is exactly what I set out to do and it ended up that I could have gone a little faster. Next track day I will have to see if I can get the whole 3 miles of the triathlon run down in 30 minutes.

I'm afraid tomorrow will not be so easy. I figure I can swim the distance but it is going to be a lot more work and take more than 30 minutes.