James, Byron and I ran in a 10K last weekend. It was a pleasant run in the vineyards of Lake county. Luna and Liam participated int he 5K run/walk with our friend Justin and his son. James placed 7th overall and 3rd in his age group. Way to go James!!! Byron won 1st in his age group. Awesome Byron!!!
I finished and never once thought about stopping though near the end I just wanted to be finished. In fact, after mile 5 where I was crying out of happiness, I immediately switched to crying out of frustration. "I just want ot be done!" I yelled. I was alone so it was okay. I passed a worm farm and wondered for several minutes exactly how fast do worms run a 10K. I was losing it and began to chant "worm farm...worm farm...worm farm...worm farm...worm farm...worm farm...worm farm..." for the remainder of the race. I reached mile 6 and was elated again. I saw my family and dear friend Sara cheering me on. I completely let go and sprinted to the finish. I felt like I was flying. I reached my family and friend and did not see a finish line. Not again. Where is the damn finish line? "Over there" they pointed. What? I thought *they* were the finish line. I was frustrated again. James asked if I wanted him to take my sweatshirt. yes. no. yes. I try to untie while running, throwing it at him. then I want to get rid of my cellphone/mp3 player. It would not come unhooked. I was cursing like a sailer at that point and finally got it off and threw it to the ground.
I reached the tiny finish chute.
And finished not once stopping.
I redeemed my self after stopping on the run at the triathlon.
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
THE Triathlon- The Run, The Finish and photo links
Wow, it's been over a month since we did the tri. Here is the final chapter to the journey.
I'm at the start of the trail. I am in the final stretch. I start running. Ouch, this is harder than I expected. I didn't recover long enough at T2. I keep going and see signs posted along the past. "You swam .5 miles!" Yes, I did didn't I. I am getting weepy again. I did swim and I made it without panic. Another sign, "You biked 21.7 miles" Yes, I did! Now I am crying and running. "You are almost finished" I am. Only 3 miles to run. I know this course very well. I have been running it for weeks. I know every hill and turn.
I am excited but extremely exhausted. Within seconds I go from feeling elated from the signs to feeling like I want to stop and go home. This must be what it is like for someone who is bipolar.I hurt. My legs hurt really bad and I am tired. Shit. Not a good start and I haven't even hitt he hard part. The run begins with a small but long incline. Up a trail, across some pavement around a baseball field to the trail. I see my favorite stretch of rolling hills in the distance. I have always loved this part. I try to remind myslef of that. First incline in the stretch. Ouch! My legs. Ouch, I am choking on my slobber and running nose. Ouch! I feel like vomiting. And I rarely ever vomit. Toughen up, I tell myself. I am almost done. but, um I may actually vomit here. I ate too much damn it. I am running along my favorite rolling hills choking, nauseas and in pain. I stop. I am hunched over waiting to throw up here. nothing except spit and mucus. Someone stops and asks if I am okay. I am humiliated. yes I'm fine I tell him. I see people who I passed on the bike pass me right up. People significantly older than I. I get a grip and start running again worried that this is only the beginning of the run. how will I make this?
I get going reaching the downhill. oh good a break. I take it fast to make up for the stop. I remind myself that this is what I spent 14 weeks working towards and I am almost finished. I am perplexed as to why I am not finding any sense of joy or pride in this, only misery. I calm down, my breath regulates a little and my stomach is stable. I hit the other baseball field which has always been my wall. There is a water. I stop briefly for a drink and dump it. It's only mile 1. I keep going. Finally slipping into a rhythm. well sort of. more of a rhythm of at least continuing. no happy place. just trudging along wondering how slow I am.
Up and down hills over tiny dry creeks and up the final hill to the pavement. James and I usually hate this part even though it is flat. It always seemed hotter on the pavement. mile 2. okay not bad. I think I am in my happy place. I know I am really almost done and I can hold on. I see bikers arriving and am so glad I am not them. I see more signs. "too bad it's only a 5K" folowed by "becasue you are having so much fun now!" Aw I kind of like these signs. I smile. Running I turn ont he street that leads me to the final lap around the track. Only about 1/2 mile left. Im okay. Im exhausted. Im not as overjoyed as I expected. It's survival now. I see the gate. that tiny incline to the gate is murder on my legs. I see Ron, our photographer. I enter the gate. it's crowded with announcers. Hey, that's Mike! he's one of the announcers. Ron takes a shot of me. I try to smile but it's a lot of work. I get on the track for the final round. I can't sprint. I planne don sprinting. Shit. I want to lay down here right now and declare this whole thing over. Ron catches me again. I am irritated by him, by the color of the track, by everything. I come to the final turn, mile 3. i look over and see my kids. I cry. I see a orange ribbon. The finish line. Someone asks me if I see the finish line. I think it's the guy that reads my number so Mike can announce it. I hear Mike announce my number. I am confused at the man's question. I look again and no orange ribbon. Some thing but I am confused. What? Why did he ask me that? Where is the finish? I check out, my mind is completely altered and I have no idea where I am. I see Byron and I reach for his hand. I know what is happening but am disconnected. We run together. I cross thorugh something but still don't know if it's the finish. I see people I know. i see James. Someone is trying to take off my ankle chip and someone else is offering me water. I feel like Dorothy after she wakes up from her dream. Where is James? He is in front of me. I hug Byron realizing that I crossed the finish line. We hug James. I cry...again. All of my closest friends are here. I see Sara our coach and hug her.
Ron is around taking pictures. I am thrilled he is there.
By the way all of our tri pics can be viewed here. Sit down, relax and sip some tea. It's long but worth seeing the finish.
We hang out with friends, get free massages and I win a bottle of wine.
Best of all, Byron won 3rd in his age group.
James ranked much higher than he imagined (as did Byron). Bothe of them placed about the middle of the crowd.
I achieved 2 out of 3 of my goals.
I did not finish last. In fact far from it.
I did not panic in the open water.
I did stop, however on the run. It took me about a week to get over that. What was funny was my run time was one of my better times despite the stopping!
I am ready for my second triathlon in Southern CA in later November.
Byron is doing his second one in San Francisco early November.
Luna and Liam did their first tri last weekend. See their photos here.
I'm at the start of the trail. I am in the final stretch. I start running. Ouch, this is harder than I expected. I didn't recover long enough at T2. I keep going and see signs posted along the past. "You swam .5 miles!" Yes, I did didn't I. I am getting weepy again. I did swim and I made it without panic. Another sign, "You biked 21.7 miles" Yes, I did! Now I am crying and running. "You are almost finished" I am. Only 3 miles to run. I know this course very well. I have been running it for weeks. I know every hill and turn.
I am excited but extremely exhausted. Within seconds I go from feeling elated from the signs to feeling like I want to stop and go home. This must be what it is like for someone who is bipolar.I hurt. My legs hurt really bad and I am tired. Shit. Not a good start and I haven't even hitt he hard part. The run begins with a small but long incline. Up a trail, across some pavement around a baseball field to the trail. I see my favorite stretch of rolling hills in the distance. I have always loved this part. I try to remind myslef of that. First incline in the stretch. Ouch! My legs. Ouch, I am choking on my slobber and running nose. Ouch! I feel like vomiting. And I rarely ever vomit. Toughen up, I tell myself. I am almost done. but, um I may actually vomit here. I ate too much damn it. I am running along my favorite rolling hills choking, nauseas and in pain. I stop. I am hunched over waiting to throw up here. nothing except spit and mucus. Someone stops and asks if I am okay. I am humiliated. yes I'm fine I tell him. I see people who I passed on the bike pass me right up. People significantly older than I. I get a grip and start running again worried that this is only the beginning of the run. how will I make this?
I get going reaching the downhill. oh good a break. I take it fast to make up for the stop. I remind myself that this is what I spent 14 weeks working towards and I am almost finished. I am perplexed as to why I am not finding any sense of joy or pride in this, only misery. I calm down, my breath regulates a little and my stomach is stable. I hit the other baseball field which has always been my wall. There is a water. I stop briefly for a drink and dump it. It's only mile 1. I keep going. Finally slipping into a rhythm. well sort of. more of a rhythm of at least continuing. no happy place. just trudging along wondering how slow I am.
Up and down hills over tiny dry creeks and up the final hill to the pavement. James and I usually hate this part even though it is flat. It always seemed hotter on the pavement. mile 2. okay not bad. I think I am in my happy place. I know I am really almost done and I can hold on. I see bikers arriving and am so glad I am not them. I see more signs. "too bad it's only a 5K" folowed by "becasue you are having so much fun now!" Aw I kind of like these signs. I smile. Running I turn ont he street that leads me to the final lap around the track. Only about 1/2 mile left. Im okay. Im exhausted. Im not as overjoyed as I expected. It's survival now. I see the gate. that tiny incline to the gate is murder on my legs. I see Ron, our photographer. I enter the gate. it's crowded with announcers. Hey, that's Mike! he's one of the announcers. Ron takes a shot of me. I try to smile but it's a lot of work. I get on the track for the final round. I can't sprint. I planne don sprinting. Shit. I want to lay down here right now and declare this whole thing over. Ron catches me again. I am irritated by him, by the color of the track, by everything. I come to the final turn, mile 3. i look over and see my kids. I cry. I see a orange ribbon. The finish line. Someone asks me if I see the finish line. I think it's the guy that reads my number so Mike can announce it. I hear Mike announce my number. I am confused at the man's question. I look again and no orange ribbon. Some thing but I am confused. What? Why did he ask me that? Where is the finish? I check out, my mind is completely altered and I have no idea where I am. I see Byron and I reach for his hand. I know what is happening but am disconnected. We run together. I cross thorugh something but still don't know if it's the finish. I see people I know. i see James. Someone is trying to take off my ankle chip and someone else is offering me water. I feel like Dorothy after she wakes up from her dream. Where is James? He is in front of me. I hug Byron realizing that I crossed the finish line. We hug James. I cry...again. All of my closest friends are here. I see Sara our coach and hug her.
Ron is around taking pictures. I am thrilled he is there.
By the way all of our tri pics can be viewed here. Sit down, relax and sip some tea. It's long but worth seeing the finish.
We hang out with friends, get free massages and I win a bottle of wine.
Best of all, Byron won 3rd in his age group.
James ranked much higher than he imagined (as did Byron). Bothe of them placed about the middle of the crowd.
I achieved 2 out of 3 of my goals.
I did not finish last. In fact far from it.
I did not panic in the open water.
I did stop, however on the run. It took me about a week to get over that. What was funny was my run time was one of my better times despite the stopping!
I am ready for my second triathlon in Southern CA in later November.
Byron is doing his second one in San Francisco early November.
Luna and Liam did their first tri last weekend. See their photos here.
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