Friday, December 22, 2006
Thursday, December 21, 2006
Reflections on Auschwitz-Birkenau visit
I began a lengthy summary of our experiences visiting Auschwitz-Birkenau; however, I would prefer to focus on my reflections only. Connecting to the Auschwitz-Birkenau official site will give the information about the death camp. I am also happy to answer questions and talk about it in person or via email.
These were random quick reflections while I was on the train back to the village. I want to express that I am extremely fortunate to have these just be reflections, that I have the luxury of even going there as this was real for millions of families. I am sure more will be written but for now…
- It was cold, wet and dreary. The weather matched the energy at that place perfectly, eerily. The gates entering Auschwitz I are marked largely, “Arbeit macht frei” translated “Work sets you free.” Irony at its worst as nothing set people here free, only death. Surrounding the camp were double lines of electrical barbed wire. This separated the prisoners from the world.
- I can not help but imagine myself in the place of the families there. I see pictures of the children and automatically without any thought see Luna, Liam and Byron, heads shaven in the prison uniform. I feel an intense pain and primal anger wash over me. Those children are my children, our children. All children are our children.
- Mothers of small children along with their children were automatically taken to be gassed. They were not valuable for the work force in the camp. They were taken of course without the knowledge that they will die that day. The SS told them they were being disinfected and showered and would reunite with their families after. This was done to avoid panic.
- If we were there during that time, we would have been rounded up and taken. Not for being Jews but for being dissidents, politicals, intellectuals, Catholic and Unitarian. We would have been classified as political prisoners or criminals.
- Arriving from the train, James and Byron would have been separated from the small children and I. They would have been seen as fit for labor. Luna, Liam and I would have been immediately gassed.
What would I have done once I realized our fate when the door of the chamber was shut? I would like to think I would have fought and resisted. One woman did shoot an officer but her fate remained the same. If I were alone, I would die fighting. Having the children changes that. I don’t want them see me kill someone nor get shot. Knowing our fate was inevitable, I want to be there for them, with them, protecting them. I would sit with my children holding them tight against my body. I would sing with them as loud as I could, covering their ears and eyes, rocking them back and forth so that they could only hear my voice and not the screams of terror from others.
I know Luna would ask questions continuously as she usually does. I would lie. I would redirect. Perhaps I would have already done this with her throughout the horrific journey. Perhaps I would do what the father in A Beautiful Life did with his son, making up a game or story.
I would tell them the stories of their births. I would want their last memories be of a lullaby of nurturing. I want them to know how much they are loved over and over again. I would think of James and Byron and send them my love wherever they may be. I would hold Luna and Liam tight, very tight against my body, eyes closed, hearts beating together until together we diminish and move to a better place, to our next lives together.
These were random quick reflections while I was on the train back to the village. I want to express that I am extremely fortunate to have these just be reflections, that I have the luxury of even going there as this was real for millions of families. I am sure more will be written but for now…
- It was cold, wet and dreary. The weather matched the energy at that place perfectly, eerily. The gates entering Auschwitz I are marked largely, “Arbeit macht frei” translated “Work sets you free.” Irony at its worst as nothing set people here free, only death. Surrounding the camp were double lines of electrical barbed wire. This separated the prisoners from the world.
- I can not help but imagine myself in the place of the families there. I see pictures of the children and automatically without any thought see Luna, Liam and Byron, heads shaven in the prison uniform. I feel an intense pain and primal anger wash over me. Those children are my children, our children. All children are our children.
- Mothers of small children along with their children were automatically taken to be gassed. They were not valuable for the work force in the camp. They were taken of course without the knowledge that they will die that day. The SS told them they were being disinfected and showered and would reunite with their families after. This was done to avoid panic.
- If we were there during that time, we would have been rounded up and taken. Not for being Jews but for being dissidents, politicals, intellectuals, Catholic and Unitarian. We would have been classified as political prisoners or criminals.
- Arriving from the train, James and Byron would have been separated from the small children and I. They would have been seen as fit for labor. Luna, Liam and I would have been immediately gassed.
What would I have done once I realized our fate when the door of the chamber was shut? I would like to think I would have fought and resisted. One woman did shoot an officer but her fate remained the same. If I were alone, I would die fighting. Having the children changes that. I don’t want them see me kill someone nor get shot. Knowing our fate was inevitable, I want to be there for them, with them, protecting them. I would sit with my children holding them tight against my body. I would sing with them as loud as I could, covering their ears and eyes, rocking them back and forth so that they could only hear my voice and not the screams of terror from others.
I know Luna would ask questions continuously as she usually does. I would lie. I would redirect. Perhaps I would have already done this with her throughout the horrific journey. Perhaps I would do what the father in A Beautiful Life did with his son, making up a game or story.
I would tell them the stories of their births. I would want their last memories be of a lullaby of nurturing. I want them to know how much they are loved over and over again. I would think of James and Byron and send them my love wherever they may be. I would hold Luna and Liam tight, very tight against my body, eyes closed, hearts beating together until together we diminish and move to a better place, to our next lives together.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
Krakow!
Byron and I arrived in Krakow, Poland tonight. We rode the train for about 22 hours through Budapest, Vienna and Czech Republic. Tomorrow we have a tour scheduled for Auschwitz.
Friday, December 15, 2006
Reverence
Yesterday Liam and Luna were playing in the yard and found a dead mouse. They ran in and told us about it and wanted to bury it. I discouraged it as I did not want them touching it. Later they came in and told me they buried it using sticks. They were very proud and told us just how cute the mouse was.
What is interesting is that one of the strongest values we want our children to learn is reverence for life. How does one teach a child reverence? We try, perhaps being vegan helps. Perhaps our examples help with James following ministry and my being a midwife and nurse along with our activism. They seem to understand our reasons for these practices. We talk about it when the opportunities arise but in reality it is not central to our conversations. It’s all trial and error.
I woke up this morning thinking about this and realized our children are in fact internalizing reverence. Liam demonstrated this the other day when we came across the stray puppy. And yesterday their immediate reaction to a dead mouse is to respect it by burying it. Perhaps they know more about reverence than I do.
What is interesting is that one of the strongest values we want our children to learn is reverence for life. How does one teach a child reverence? We try, perhaps being vegan helps. Perhaps our examples help with James following ministry and my being a midwife and nurse along with our activism. They seem to understand our reasons for these practices. We talk about it when the opportunities arise but in reality it is not central to our conversations. It’s all trial and error.
I woke up this morning thinking about this and realized our children are in fact internalizing reverence. Liam demonstrated this the other day when we came across the stray puppy. And yesterday their immediate reaction to a dead mouse is to respect it by burying it. Perhaps they know more about reverence than I do.
Eurojournal - 12 Dec 2006
Another adventure for us. We caught the bus at 7am to Brasov. We needed to go there to get train tickets for our trip to Poland and we wanted to make one more visit there. We also were craving our favorite Italian restaurant with the best bruschetta and spaghetti ever. It was a beautiful ride over the hills along bumpy dirt roads much like the ones at home. We arrived and spent some time at the travel center getting tickets. We took a bus to town and found our restaurant. When we arrived, it was quiet. We were then greeted by the owner and her grandson who looked about 2-3 years old. He was very drawn to Luna and Liam and eventually sat with us while his grandmother and mother were working until our food arrived. Again, the best food ever, much better than when we were in Italy!
The ride home was fun. First it was crowded so Liam and I snuggled in the back next to an older woman with a bunch of boxes. She offered to let Liam sit on the boxes. He was delighted. We dozed off and woke up when the bumps were big. Some more seats opened up and we had our own seats. James met a woman who spoke some English and later found out that her friend was a relative of Csaba’s, small world. A man from another village and I attempted to talk despite my limited Hungarian and his English. What was interesting was we managed to discover much about each other. It was so fun to meet people on this rather long 3 hour bus ride.
The ride home was fun. First it was crowded so Liam and I snuggled in the back next to an older woman with a bunch of boxes. She offered to let Liam sit on the boxes. He was delighted. We dozed off and woke up when the bumps were big. Some more seats opened up and we had our own seats. James met a woman who spoke some English and later found out that her friend was a relative of Csaba’s, small world. A man from another village and I attempted to talk despite my limited Hungarian and his English. What was interesting was we managed to discover much about each other. It was so fun to meet people on this rather long 3 hour bus ride.
Eurojournal - 11 Dec 2006
We went on an adventure to Udvarhely. Usually Csaba drives us there for groceries and appointments. He has been busy so we decided to just try the bus. James has done this before and swore it was easy. So off we went.
We waited at the bus stop in the village. Kulcsi, the store owner and friend of Csaba’s drove by in his van. I waved “Hello.” He stops and gives us a ride to Udvarhely. On our way we see some people pushing their car along the road. Kulsci stops and offers help. He tied their car onto his towing hitch and pulled them to the next village. The whole time I am amazed. There is no AAA for cars that have trouble here. The lack of services makes for an environment where people help each other. People hitchhike all the time here. When we drive by with Csaba or Eva and the car is full we always express to the people something like , “Sorry, the car is full.” If it isn’t then they get a ride. In the US it would be illegal to stop and help tow someone, yet here, Kulcsi did it without even thinking twice.
I realized how isolated we are in the US, how removed we are from each other. My initial reaction when Kulcsi stopped for us was, “oh, no we don’t need a ride!” Why? Why did I feel like we should not accept a ride? I did not want to impose and the plan was to take the bus. Here I am removing myself by not accepting kindness from a friend. While I, myself have trouble accepting kindness, I may also have trouble giving. Would I have stopped for that car, not really. Again I am removing myself from another person, a connection. The entire time I have been here it has been quite an adjustment for me. When we first arrived whenever anyone would give us something or do something kind, I felt strongly obligated to pay them back. I was almost obsessive in finding ways to give back the kindness. Csaba once told me, “Cecily, you do not have to always return the kindness equally. Just accept it. It is what we do here.” I kept that in mind determined to allow that to happen. Yet here I am almost 6 mos later feeling that guilt and reflexive response of “no, I can not accept it” removing myself from connection. I see this everywhere in the US. Everything has a price. A gift of kindness must of course be repaid rather than accepted, held and allowed to be a part of a connection. I have been able to let go of some preconceived notions of mine, mostly from y understanding and belief in Buddhism. I think I can accept kindness knowing that karma goes around. If someone is kind to me, I will return it to them or someone else or I already have. What we give we get in return in another way.
Again, the people here will give us everything they have yet they are poor by US standards. The richer we are the less we give. The richer we are the more material goods we have. The more we have to hoard and protect. We alienate others out of fear of them taking our goods. Yet I am surrounded by people who have the basics and will have no problem giving to us.
While we were in Udvarhely we met a stray puppy. And yes, it followed us. Liam and I made eye contact with it and gave it some of our kurtos (a Hungarian pastry). It was the sweetest playful puppy. It was so thin and scraggly yet energetic. When we gave it pieces of the kurtos it ate it up fast like it was starving. Well, it WAS starving. We can’t take in another puppy. We have 2 weeks left and could never adopt it out nor bring it back to the US. So we left it and hoped she could survive. She made it this long and she was in the city with more scraps, warm hiding spots and less predators. I felt secure leaving her. She did not follow us. A few minutes later Liam starts crying. This is totally uncharacteristic of Liam. I ask him what is wrong and he says that he wants to take the puppy home and care for her. I hold him and let him cry. He has such a beautiful sense of compassion and responsibility.
We waited at the bus stop in the village. Kulcsi, the store owner and friend of Csaba’s drove by in his van. I waved “Hello.” He stops and gives us a ride to Udvarhely. On our way we see some people pushing their car along the road. Kulsci stops and offers help. He tied their car onto his towing hitch and pulled them to the next village. The whole time I am amazed. There is no AAA for cars that have trouble here. The lack of services makes for an environment where people help each other. People hitchhike all the time here. When we drive by with Csaba or Eva and the car is full we always express to the people something like , “Sorry, the car is full.” If it isn’t then they get a ride. In the US it would be illegal to stop and help tow someone, yet here, Kulcsi did it without even thinking twice.
I realized how isolated we are in the US, how removed we are from each other. My initial reaction when Kulcsi stopped for us was, “oh, no we don’t need a ride!” Why? Why did I feel like we should not accept a ride? I did not want to impose and the plan was to take the bus. Here I am removing myself by not accepting kindness from a friend. While I, myself have trouble accepting kindness, I may also have trouble giving. Would I have stopped for that car, not really. Again I am removing myself from another person, a connection. The entire time I have been here it has been quite an adjustment for me. When we first arrived whenever anyone would give us something or do something kind, I felt strongly obligated to pay them back. I was almost obsessive in finding ways to give back the kindness. Csaba once told me, “Cecily, you do not have to always return the kindness equally. Just accept it. It is what we do here.” I kept that in mind determined to allow that to happen. Yet here I am almost 6 mos later feeling that guilt and reflexive response of “no, I can not accept it” removing myself from connection. I see this everywhere in the US. Everything has a price. A gift of kindness must of course be repaid rather than accepted, held and allowed to be a part of a connection. I have been able to let go of some preconceived notions of mine, mostly from y understanding and belief in Buddhism. I think I can accept kindness knowing that karma goes around. If someone is kind to me, I will return it to them or someone else or I already have. What we give we get in return in another way.
Again, the people here will give us everything they have yet they are poor by US standards. The richer we are the less we give. The richer we are the more material goods we have. The more we have to hoard and protect. We alienate others out of fear of them taking our goods. Yet I am surrounded by people who have the basics and will have no problem giving to us.
While we were in Udvarhely we met a stray puppy. And yes, it followed us. Liam and I made eye contact with it and gave it some of our kurtos (a Hungarian pastry). It was the sweetest playful puppy. It was so thin and scraggly yet energetic. When we gave it pieces of the kurtos it ate it up fast like it was starving. Well, it WAS starving. We can’t take in another puppy. We have 2 weeks left and could never adopt it out nor bring it back to the US. So we left it and hoped she could survive. She made it this long and she was in the city with more scraps, warm hiding spots and less predators. I felt secure leaving her. She did not follow us. A few minutes later Liam starts crying. This is totally uncharacteristic of Liam. I ask him what is wrong and he says that he wants to take the puppy home and care for her. I hold him and let him cry. He has such a beautiful sense of compassion and responsibility.
7 Dec 2006 - a really fun hike
We hiked to Bagy (pronounces Bahj). It is the highest point in this valley, about 840 meters high. We drive by this all the time and see the cell/internet tower on top. James has wanted to hike here the whole time and here we went.
We walked through a dried up marshy area near the dairy, not very nice. I would never walk through here in the summer when snakes are around! We made it through and crossed a creek to a grassy meadow. The sun was out and it was feeling warm enough to take off some of our layers. We walked uphill seeing the village of Bagy in the distance with the spire of the church in the horizon. The kids were doing a great job so far. We are hoping to make it to the village and find some castle ruins. We arrive at the top of the first hill and stop for lunch. The village is even closer.
After some tofu vegetable sandwiches and water we start on the trail again. We reach the village pretty tired. I am ready to turn around. I do not want to get stuck in the dark. The terrain looks too similar. We would get lost. We wander in and follow the road. The village is quiet and different form ours. Ours is flat along a main road. This one is nestled in some hills with windy dirt roads. It reminds me much of the Berkeley hills in an odd sort of way. Maybe if the Berkeley hills were on a dirt road will all village cottages and horses and carts. It is so quaint. Full of trees. It must be beautiful in summer.
Where is this castle? Nothing. James finds a path to follow. We see some rock at the top of the mountain outside of the village. James wants to go there. Another hill, only steeper. Okay we can do it. The kids are excited and we make it up to the foothill. The sun is moving down. We are tired. We stop, take a breath and James jumps into action. “Everyone, drop all of our stuff here and follow me. We are going to climb a very steep hill but we have to go one at a time and you have to listen very carefully. Who wants to go first?” I am exhausted but welcome the challenge. I want the exercise. I need it. We go. I look down at the rocks I walk, listening intently at the kids committed to looking up only at the top. We make it to our goal elated and breathless. We can see much more of the valley. Our coat pile is just a small dot below us. We see several villages with their church steeples lined up. We see the entire route we take to Udvarhely, all the villages. The horizon is gorgeous.
Looking up, the very top is close to us. We could almost make it up with some work. This hill is even steeper, almost vertical. We talk about it. We want to do it but are tired and know it will be harder than the last. Yet we may never do this again. We see this peak from the road all the time. James, Byron and I make an executive decision, “Let’s do it!” Liam goes first and runs up the first third. He yells down to us enthusiastically, “That was hard but we can do it. Come on!” We follow. I set the goal to make it to where he was. I do it. It was hard but I am thrilled to have the intense exercise. I could touch the ground with my hands while walking it was so steep. I look up and Liam is almost to the top. I stop at the next third, breathe and go. I see Liam at the top with Byron, James and Luna. I stop to look back at my progress. Wow. I am almost there. Liam comes back down and tells me to hurry up with a big smile. He is excited at the view. “Mom, we can see Udvarhely!” Liam is my inspiration. I go up to the top as fast as I can. It is indeed beautiful. We are standing next to the cell/internet tower. We see everything including Udvarhely.
It is really time to head back. We go down the big hill and see a shepherd sittingnearby watching his sheep. He was young. He reminded me of Todd, my friend, Cathy’s husband. Interestingly, James thought the same thing. The kids took another path and were close to him. They were loud. James and I are afraid they are disrupting the sheep and bothering the shepherd. We corral the kids to our path. We hear some four wheelrs in the background. They make it here and ride up the big hill with difficulty. I couold hear the engines choke going up such a vertical path. James and I laugh proudly, “yeah poor ones on the bikes. We walked that path with our own legs. Ha!”
We follow our path down and through the village of Bagy. It is no longer quiet. Everyone is out and very curious about us. We meet an older woman in black. She is so sweet. She is trying to talk with me and all I can say is “yo napot. Angolul.” Good afternoon and English. Oh that’s bad. James has a conversation with her. She wants to know where we are from and why we are here. He tells her San Paul and we are Americans. She tells us something and goes on. She and I make eye contact and she looks at me lovingly. I return the gaze, shake her hand and stroke her arm. She smiles. We meet some children with the same questions. It is great. A very boisterous and curious group here. We pass through and realize that Byron is way ahead of us. We can not see him. We trust he can find his way back. He has an excellent sense of direction and hikes the hills here alone sometimes.
It is getting dark as we pass our lunch spot. We have a long way to go. We see the lights of San Paul and decide to go in the direction of the lights as it gets dark. Deciding to not go through the marshy area by the dairy we go around it to the other side of the creek. We need to cross the creek. We are at the edge of the village. But we still have to cross this creek in the dark. This is a problem. We can not cross. So we either backtrack in the dark and pass through the marsh or cut across a very muddy plowed field and hope we are not in someone’s backyard. All the houses have gates so we would end up in their backyard and hope their gate door is unlocked or we would have to ask them to let us out. Awkward! We decide to follow the field. After a few steps we make it to a road! And after only a few feet on that road we make it to the main road. Hooray we made it. We walk home and find Byron there. He tells us he also had to struggle with the dark. He did end up in someone’s backyard and just climbed over the gate. What a wonderful adventure!
Now every time we pass that peak we smile proudly seeing the tiny cell/internet tower way off in the distance.
We walked through a dried up marshy area near the dairy, not very nice. I would never walk through here in the summer when snakes are around! We made it through and crossed a creek to a grassy meadow. The sun was out and it was feeling warm enough to take off some of our layers. We walked uphill seeing the village of Bagy in the distance with the spire of the church in the horizon. The kids were doing a great job so far. We are hoping to make it to the village and find some castle ruins. We arrive at the top of the first hill and stop for lunch. The village is even closer.
After some tofu vegetable sandwiches and water we start on the trail again. We reach the village pretty tired. I am ready to turn around. I do not want to get stuck in the dark. The terrain looks too similar. We would get lost. We wander in and follow the road. The village is quiet and different form ours. Ours is flat along a main road. This one is nestled in some hills with windy dirt roads. It reminds me much of the Berkeley hills in an odd sort of way. Maybe if the Berkeley hills were on a dirt road will all village cottages and horses and carts. It is so quaint. Full of trees. It must be beautiful in summer.
Where is this castle? Nothing. James finds a path to follow. We see some rock at the top of the mountain outside of the village. James wants to go there. Another hill, only steeper. Okay we can do it. The kids are excited and we make it up to the foothill. The sun is moving down. We are tired. We stop, take a breath and James jumps into action. “Everyone, drop all of our stuff here and follow me. We are going to climb a very steep hill but we have to go one at a time and you have to listen very carefully. Who wants to go first?” I am exhausted but welcome the challenge. I want the exercise. I need it. We go. I look down at the rocks I walk, listening intently at the kids committed to looking up only at the top. We make it to our goal elated and breathless. We can see much more of the valley. Our coat pile is just a small dot below us. We see several villages with their church steeples lined up. We see the entire route we take to Udvarhely, all the villages. The horizon is gorgeous.
Looking up, the very top is close to us. We could almost make it up with some work. This hill is even steeper, almost vertical. We talk about it. We want to do it but are tired and know it will be harder than the last. Yet we may never do this again. We see this peak from the road all the time. James, Byron and I make an executive decision, “Let’s do it!” Liam goes first and runs up the first third. He yells down to us enthusiastically, “That was hard but we can do it. Come on!” We follow. I set the goal to make it to where he was. I do it. It was hard but I am thrilled to have the intense exercise. I could touch the ground with my hands while walking it was so steep. I look up and Liam is almost to the top. I stop at the next third, breathe and go. I see Liam at the top with Byron, James and Luna. I stop to look back at my progress. Wow. I am almost there. Liam comes back down and tells me to hurry up with a big smile. He is excited at the view. “Mom, we can see Udvarhely!” Liam is my inspiration. I go up to the top as fast as I can. It is indeed beautiful. We are standing next to the cell/internet tower. We see everything including Udvarhely.
It is really time to head back. We go down the big hill and see a shepherd sittingnearby watching his sheep. He was young. He reminded me of Todd, my friend, Cathy’s husband. Interestingly, James thought the same thing. The kids took another path and were close to him. They were loud. James and I are afraid they are disrupting the sheep and bothering the shepherd. We corral the kids to our path. We hear some four wheelrs in the background. They make it here and ride up the big hill with difficulty. I couold hear the engines choke going up such a vertical path. James and I laugh proudly, “yeah poor ones on the bikes. We walked that path with our own legs. Ha!”
We follow our path down and through the village of Bagy. It is no longer quiet. Everyone is out and very curious about us. We meet an older woman in black. She is so sweet. She is trying to talk with me and all I can say is “yo napot. Angolul.” Good afternoon and English. Oh that’s bad. James has a conversation with her. She wants to know where we are from and why we are here. He tells her San Paul and we are Americans. She tells us something and goes on. She and I make eye contact and she looks at me lovingly. I return the gaze, shake her hand and stroke her arm. She smiles. We meet some children with the same questions. It is great. A very boisterous and curious group here. We pass through and realize that Byron is way ahead of us. We can not see him. We trust he can find his way back. He has an excellent sense of direction and hikes the hills here alone sometimes.
It is getting dark as we pass our lunch spot. We have a long way to go. We see the lights of San Paul and decide to go in the direction of the lights as it gets dark. Deciding to not go through the marshy area by the dairy we go around it to the other side of the creek. We need to cross the creek. We are at the edge of the village. But we still have to cross this creek in the dark. This is a problem. We can not cross. So we either backtrack in the dark and pass through the marsh or cut across a very muddy plowed field and hope we are not in someone’s backyard. All the houses have gates so we would end up in their backyard and hope their gate door is unlocked or we would have to ask them to let us out. Awkward! We decide to follow the field. After a few steps we make it to a road! And after only a few feet on that road we make it to the main road. Hooray we made it. We walk home and find Byron there. He tells us he also had to struggle with the dark. He did end up in someone’s backyard and just climbed over the gate. What a wonderful adventure!
Now every time we pass that peak we smile proudly seeing the tiny cell/internet tower way off in the distance.
More hiking - Eurojournal 6 Dec 2006
James, Luna and I went on a hike today. It was nice just the three of us and Luna savored the attention. She has always been a challenging child, sometimes downright driving us crazy. She was pleasant and positive the whole way. We walked up a hill overlooking our village and several others. The sun was out and it was unusually warm, still about 6 centigrade but just the other day there was ice.
We talked about backpacking when we retuned home. She wants to backpack. She asked what she would carry and is proud of her strength. This tiny girl is VERY strong. She can pick up Liam and carry him, carry the basket of kindling in the house easily and lug a heavy backpack around Europe. James and I thought about enrolling her in wrestling! We talked about the first thing we would do when we were home. James and I immediately agreed on snuggling in our bed and watching an episode of Dr. Katz and then maybe hibernating for a few days playing with all of our toys: the microwave, blender, breadmaker, washer and dryer, wifi, central heating, all of our luxuries. We would of course have to play a game of rock, paper, scissors to decide on who must leave the house to get food as neither of us will want to go to town. Discussing this, we sat at the top for a while and watched the sheep and the busses drive up the hill to Ocland. We headed back down to home. What a lovely hike.
We talked about backpacking when we retuned home. She wants to backpack. She asked what she would carry and is proud of her strength. This tiny girl is VERY strong. She can pick up Liam and carry him, carry the basket of kindling in the house easily and lug a heavy backpack around Europe. James and I thought about enrolling her in wrestling! We talked about the first thing we would do when we were home. James and I immediately agreed on snuggling in our bed and watching an episode of Dr. Katz and then maybe hibernating for a few days playing with all of our toys: the microwave, blender, breadmaker, washer and dryer, wifi, central heating, all of our luxuries. We would of course have to play a game of rock, paper, scissors to decide on who must leave the house to get food as neither of us will want to go to town. Discussing this, we sat at the top for a while and watched the sheep and the busses drive up the hill to Ocland. We headed back down to home. What a lovely hike.
Nicolas Basci celebration (St Nicolas Day)
4 Dec 2006
Liam woke up excited that today was Monday, the day before St Nicolas day. Children clean their boots and leave them outside on the steps to be filled with small gifts. They will clean them tomorrow and leave them out. Around dark, someone comes by and fills them with gifts. I bought some small gifts and treats for them. Csaba said someone would come by and we would discreetly hand the gifts over to the mystery boot filler. I am looking forward to it.
5 Dec 2006 – St Nicolas Day!
Today is St Nicolas Day. The children cleaned their boots well and placed them outside on the front steps at dark. Csaba gave us a call and told us that Nicolas-Bacsi is at his house right now and would be at ours in about two minutes. We tell the children tohurry and go to bed where they jump in bed. James gets off the phone and says that Csaba said it was okay if they looked out the window when Nicolas-Basci placed the treats in their boots.
James goes outside to meet Nicolas-Bacsi. James tells us thay the kids can come to the door and say hello and watch him. We open the door and we hear bells approaching. The kids have big smiles on their faces including Byron. Through our gate enters Nicolas-Basci in full Santa dress except he had a backpack of goodies. He speaks in Hungarian. The children say Yo Estet (spelling incorrect). He delivers bags of goodies. Each one got two bags of goodies. The children are amazed. James offers Nicolas-basci some palinka and he drinks a bit and leaves with Csaba. I tease James about making Santa drink and how in my childhood a drunk Santa was a very bad Santa. He says in his child it was traditional to offer cookies and wine. Hmm… So needless to say we have a nice picture of James drinking with St Nicolas!
The kids come in and raid their bags. They get candy and treats galore, some toys and socks. Liam is thrilled and tells me with so much enthusiasm in his big blue eyes, “That is the REAL Santa!” Luna agrees and says, “Santa is real.” Now in all honesty I have always been agnostic around Santa. I never wanted to deny my children of the magic yet I felt strongly about creating a lie that they later discover. I have issues with lying form my childhood, even sweet ones. So I never sign gifts from Santa nor create the story. I also never deny one either. If they ask I ask them what do they think and say I am not at liberty to answer.
But this is all so sweet. It is so personalized and in a way removed from commercialized Christmas. The kids only got enough to fit in their boots and they had to do something to get it, clean their own boots. I like the idea of the kids thinking real Santa is from Transylvania. I like that they saw him give the gifts. So I played along a bit. Byron would ask if we bought the gifts and I just said “I dunno.”
Here in Transylvania St Nicolas day is for children only and celebrated in the villages. Christmas is also celebrated on the 25th with 3 days of church. The first being communion. Families gather and gifts are also exchanged. We will fortunately experience the first two days of Christmas but leave on the 3rd day.
Earlier after the children cleaned their boots but before Nicolas-Basci arrived, Eszthi-Neni stopped by. She came with three bags of goodies for the children too. I got teary-eyed at her warmth. She loves our children and us so much and the feelings are mutual. Her husband is sick right now and she is getting sick yet she came over and remembered the children on St Nicolas Day. I sent her with a bag of oranges trying to communicate the health benefits of Vitamin C as best I could with body language.
I was just feeling ready to leave the village, a nice sense of closure but bounced back into a little sadness. People here are so kind and warm and hospitable. We experienced that in Spain too. We rarely see the depth of the nurturing here in the States. I didn’t wan to leave all this. People here have absolutely nothing but give everything. Eszthi-neni is always dropping by with something for us whether it is fruit, veggies, offers to do our laundry. The kids went over to her house the other day. They actually got in trouble from me for wandering out of the yard. They go over to Eszthi-Neni’s for a while. She feeds them and lets them have all the chocolate they want. She is conscious of our diet and cooks the potatoes with salt and some sauerkraut. They followed her in the yard trying to speak Hungarian. She is in heaven as are they. I fetch the kids and am always greeted with a “Cecily!” smile and big hug. She tells me the kids are speaking good Hungarian. The kids tell me later how much they love Eszthi-Neni and Domi-Bacsi and they know they are loved by them too. How can we leave this? How great this is for the children. I sit thinking about this realizing that perhaps Eszthi ha played the role of the mother I never had. the children have a surrogate grandmother while away form home. Eszthi took such good care of James while we were traveling. She ironed his clothes, fed him and was there for him when he buried the puppies. She even came by the other day and gave him a new dress shirt and tie for his suit. She adores James.
It is not just Eszthi-Neni who has treated us with such kindness but other beautiful people in the village. Alex and his dad came over twice to cut our wood and refused any payment or food. Another woman dropped by with some fruit yesterday. Someone else gave us two bags of clothes for the children. I am overwhelmed with the kindness. I do hope that it rubs off on me and I can be even kinder to others. I hope I can rub off on others in the States making it a more hospitable and loving place like here.
Liam woke up excited that today was Monday, the day before St Nicolas day. Children clean their boots and leave them outside on the steps to be filled with small gifts. They will clean them tomorrow and leave them out. Around dark, someone comes by and fills them with gifts. I bought some small gifts and treats for them. Csaba said someone would come by and we would discreetly hand the gifts over to the mystery boot filler. I am looking forward to it.
5 Dec 2006 – St Nicolas Day!
Today is St Nicolas Day. The children cleaned their boots well and placed them outside on the front steps at dark. Csaba gave us a call and told us that Nicolas-Bacsi is at his house right now and would be at ours in about two minutes. We tell the children tohurry and go to bed where they jump in bed. James gets off the phone and says that Csaba said it was okay if they looked out the window when Nicolas-Basci placed the treats in their boots.
James goes outside to meet Nicolas-Bacsi. James tells us thay the kids can come to the door and say hello and watch him. We open the door and we hear bells approaching. The kids have big smiles on their faces including Byron. Through our gate enters Nicolas-Basci in full Santa dress except he had a backpack of goodies. He speaks in Hungarian. The children say Yo Estet (spelling incorrect). He delivers bags of goodies. Each one got two bags of goodies. The children are amazed. James offers Nicolas-basci some palinka and he drinks a bit and leaves with Csaba. I tease James about making Santa drink and how in my childhood a drunk Santa was a very bad Santa. He says in his child it was traditional to offer cookies and wine. Hmm… So needless to say we have a nice picture of James drinking with St Nicolas!
The kids come in and raid their bags. They get candy and treats galore, some toys and socks. Liam is thrilled and tells me with so much enthusiasm in his big blue eyes, “That is the REAL Santa!” Luna agrees and says, “Santa is real.” Now in all honesty I have always been agnostic around Santa. I never wanted to deny my children of the magic yet I felt strongly about creating a lie that they later discover. I have issues with lying form my childhood, even sweet ones. So I never sign gifts from Santa nor create the story. I also never deny one either. If they ask I ask them what do they think and say I am not at liberty to answer.
But this is all so sweet. It is so personalized and in a way removed from commercialized Christmas. The kids only got enough to fit in their boots and they had to do something to get it, clean their own boots. I like the idea of the kids thinking real Santa is from Transylvania. I like that they saw him give the gifts. So I played along a bit. Byron would ask if we bought the gifts and I just said “I dunno.”
Here in Transylvania St Nicolas day is for children only and celebrated in the villages. Christmas is also celebrated on the 25th with 3 days of church. The first being communion. Families gather and gifts are also exchanged. We will fortunately experience the first two days of Christmas but leave on the 3rd day.
Earlier after the children cleaned their boots but before Nicolas-Basci arrived, Eszthi-Neni stopped by. She came with three bags of goodies for the children too. I got teary-eyed at her warmth. She loves our children and us so much and the feelings are mutual. Her husband is sick right now and she is getting sick yet she came over and remembered the children on St Nicolas Day. I sent her with a bag of oranges trying to communicate the health benefits of Vitamin C as best I could with body language.
I was just feeling ready to leave the village, a nice sense of closure but bounced back into a little sadness. People here are so kind and warm and hospitable. We experienced that in Spain too. We rarely see the depth of the nurturing here in the States. I didn’t wan to leave all this. People here have absolutely nothing but give everything. Eszthi-neni is always dropping by with something for us whether it is fruit, veggies, offers to do our laundry. The kids went over to her house the other day. They actually got in trouble from me for wandering out of the yard. They go over to Eszthi-Neni’s for a while. She feeds them and lets them have all the chocolate they want. She is conscious of our diet and cooks the potatoes with salt and some sauerkraut. They followed her in the yard trying to speak Hungarian. She is in heaven as are they. I fetch the kids and am always greeted with a “Cecily!” smile and big hug. She tells me the kids are speaking good Hungarian. The kids tell me later how much they love Eszthi-Neni and Domi-Bacsi and they know they are loved by them too. How can we leave this? How great this is for the children. I sit thinking about this realizing that perhaps Eszthi ha played the role of the mother I never had. the children have a surrogate grandmother while away form home. Eszthi took such good care of James while we were traveling. She ironed his clothes, fed him and was there for him when he buried the puppies. She even came by the other day and gave him a new dress shirt and tie for his suit. She adores James.
It is not just Eszthi-Neni who has treated us with such kindness but other beautiful people in the village. Alex and his dad came over twice to cut our wood and refused any payment or food. Another woman dropped by with some fruit yesterday. Someone else gave us two bags of clothes for the children. I am overwhelmed with the kindness. I do hope that it rubs off on me and I can be even kinder to others. I hope I can rub off on others in the States making it a more hospitable and loving place like here.
Eurojournal - 3 Dec 2006 Hiking!
Yesterday Byron went on a long hike to another village over the mountains. He really wanted to show it to us. So later in the day we went. We went past the ponds, pastures, ravines and into the trees. The ponds and creeks were beginning to freeze. The children threw rocks in. Some broke the ice surface. Others slid along. Wow, it really is getting cold. We wondered if we would experience snow before we left in a little over 3 weeks. Byron loved pointing out all of the hills that looked like good snowboarding terrain. Luna had a hard time on the way and whined quite a bit. Liam did well. I worried that we would not make it back by dark as I watched the sun get lower in the sky and the temperature drop.
We made it to the ridge overlooking the destination village. It was gorgeous! Overlooking the village with two steeples peeking up we saw a clear sky, trees in the horizon and the moon on top. We walked back. Everyone had a burst of energy from making it to the ridge. Liam and Byron were hopping over dirt hills. We were not sure which way was the best way to go as the night was setting in. We needed to get out of the ravine before dark. Fortunately Byron knew where to go. He has an excellent sense of direction. I trusted him as he has never failed me when we traveled Europe. It felt counterintuitive where we were going but he was right. We made it back to the village by 6pm in the dark aided by a full moon. A lovely 3 ½ hour hike.
The hike was a nice closure to our time here. I am ready to go home. Not in a way where I want to leave here. But I feel like my journey is coming to a logical end. For a week I was a little down because I was excited to go home, sad to leave here, apprehensive about returning to US culture. I felt that instead of counting down the days until we left which we did inadvertently we should be savoring our time left here. As we hiked back I felt balanced in the beauty. I felt like my work was complete. I felt ready to come home and start a new life in my own home with my friends and family knowing that we would return here soon to visit.
We made it to the ridge overlooking the destination village. It was gorgeous! Overlooking the village with two steeples peeking up we saw a clear sky, trees in the horizon and the moon on top. We walked back. Everyone had a burst of energy from making it to the ridge. Liam and Byron were hopping over dirt hills. We were not sure which way was the best way to go as the night was setting in. We needed to get out of the ravine before dark. Fortunately Byron knew where to go. He has an excellent sense of direction. I trusted him as he has never failed me when we traveled Europe. It felt counterintuitive where we were going but he was right. We made it back to the village by 6pm in the dark aided by a full moon. A lovely 3 ½ hour hike.
The hike was a nice closure to our time here. I am ready to go home. Not in a way where I want to leave here. But I feel like my journey is coming to a logical end. For a week I was a little down because I was excited to go home, sad to leave here, apprehensive about returning to US culture. I felt that instead of counting down the days until we left which we did inadvertently we should be savoring our time left here. As we hiked back I felt balanced in the beauty. I felt like my work was complete. I felt ready to come home and start a new life in my own home with my friends and family knowing that we would return here soon to visit.
Monday, December 04, 2006
Eurojournal -2 Dec 2006 –Party!
A few nights ago we went to the district minister’s Christmas party. It was quite the party. It always amazes me how well the Hungarians party. I must have lived a pretty dull life so far! I spent a few days fretting over what I would wear as I did not bring any real dress up clothes. I went to the thrift store and found some dress pants with Eva. I found a nice sweater which at the time I thought matched. When I tried it on at home it matched but was nothing that would match James in his suit. So I made it simple and wore one of his dress shirts and dressed it up with a necklace the children bought me in Venice. It worked. Off to the party.
We meet Csaba and a very sick but determined Eva at their house. First thing Csaba asks me is if I want to be the designated driver. Ohh THAT kind of party, all ministers. I guess so but I wanted to discuss it with James first. We arrived at the larger church in Udvarhely and saw some familiar faces. It was pretty quiet at first. Time passed, more people came and it was hopping. Music, dancing. James was approached by another minister to try his palinka. It was the first he ever made and he was very proud of it. James had a shot making me the official designated driver now.
It was fun to watch the dancing. Polka, waltzing, and a Hungarian national dance. I was impressed with the ability everyone had to dance. James and I are not dancers. We danced a few slow songs which was really nice but we were afraid to even try anything else out of fear of hurting people with our clumsy steps. We decided to learn to dance when we return home. A minister asked me to dance. I have never seen him around but accepted. It was slow, I could handle it as long as nothing fast was involved. It was fun. Then the band plays a waltz. Shit! I learned this in 7th grade but forgot it. I am stepping on his toes smiling but looking over at James in horror as he is laughing at me. He knew what I was thinking. He knew I was in for it. As I am about to open my mouth to the minister that I can not in fact dance, he tells me I am a good dancer. Huh? It was fun chatting with him. He knew English and had been very familiar with the Bay Area. The band plays on. I survived this now let’s sit down. Nope. Another dance. Only it was something faster. James is really laughing now. I am having fun but an so afraid. He is pulling me around and I am doing everything mentally to convince myself that I can just follow his lead. Okay, got it. Then I start twirling. What? Go with it, I tell myself. I remind myself this is just that dance I was watching earlier. The one where the women looked like they were twisted in knots! I let go and went with it and it was so much fun. This time both James and Csaba are watching and laughing. The song is over and I thank the minister and sit down. I could not stop laughing. What fun.
James has had some wine now and it very cute. Another minister dressed as Santa comes in with his bag of gifts. This minister was truly the life of the party. He goes around and everyone reaches into the bag and gets a gift. James received a very phallic chocolate Santa. He and Santa giggle. I happily receive a bar of chocolate. People here and all around Europe are very serious about chocolate too. I have had the best chocolate ever here.
Time passes. We have had some wonderful conversations with people. It is about 2 am. We are both ready to go home. We realize Csaba is not going anytime soon and we did not want to ruin it for him but Liam wakes up in 5 hours. We see other ministers leaving who pass our village. Finally a couple we talked with was leaving. They lives two villages form us. We ask and they are willing. We tell Csaba we are going and off we go. The minister’s wife is a nurse who also works nights. Both are into herbs and alternative health. During the party I got such a great energy form this couple and really enjoyed talking with them. In fact this was the same one that offered James the palinka!
We arrive home a little after 3am very tired but giddy.
We meet Csaba and a very sick but determined Eva at their house. First thing Csaba asks me is if I want to be the designated driver. Ohh THAT kind of party, all ministers. I guess so but I wanted to discuss it with James first. We arrived at the larger church in Udvarhely and saw some familiar faces. It was pretty quiet at first. Time passed, more people came and it was hopping. Music, dancing. James was approached by another minister to try his palinka. It was the first he ever made and he was very proud of it. James had a shot making me the official designated driver now.
It was fun to watch the dancing. Polka, waltzing, and a Hungarian national dance. I was impressed with the ability everyone had to dance. James and I are not dancers. We danced a few slow songs which was really nice but we were afraid to even try anything else out of fear of hurting people with our clumsy steps. We decided to learn to dance when we return home. A minister asked me to dance. I have never seen him around but accepted. It was slow, I could handle it as long as nothing fast was involved. It was fun. Then the band plays a waltz. Shit! I learned this in 7th grade but forgot it. I am stepping on his toes smiling but looking over at James in horror as he is laughing at me. He knew what I was thinking. He knew I was in for it. As I am about to open my mouth to the minister that I can not in fact dance, he tells me I am a good dancer. Huh? It was fun chatting with him. He knew English and had been very familiar with the Bay Area. The band plays on. I survived this now let’s sit down. Nope. Another dance. Only it was something faster. James is really laughing now. I am having fun but an so afraid. He is pulling me around and I am doing everything mentally to convince myself that I can just follow his lead. Okay, got it. Then I start twirling. What? Go with it, I tell myself. I remind myself this is just that dance I was watching earlier. The one where the women looked like they were twisted in knots! I let go and went with it and it was so much fun. This time both James and Csaba are watching and laughing. The song is over and I thank the minister and sit down. I could not stop laughing. What fun.
James has had some wine now and it very cute. Another minister dressed as Santa comes in with his bag of gifts. This minister was truly the life of the party. He goes around and everyone reaches into the bag and gets a gift. James received a very phallic chocolate Santa. He and Santa giggle. I happily receive a bar of chocolate. People here and all around Europe are very serious about chocolate too. I have had the best chocolate ever here.
Time passes. We have had some wonderful conversations with people. It is about 2 am. We are both ready to go home. We realize Csaba is not going anytime soon and we did not want to ruin it for him but Liam wakes up in 5 hours. We see other ministers leaving who pass our village. Finally a couple we talked with was leaving. They lives two villages form us. We ask and they are willing. We tell Csaba we are going and off we go. The minister’s wife is a nurse who also works nights. Both are into herbs and alternative health. During the party I got such a great energy form this couple and really enjoyed talking with them. In fact this was the same one that offered James the palinka!
We arrive home a little after 3am very tired but giddy.
Saturday, December 02, 2006
Eurojournal - 30 Nov 2006
Last week James was sick for about 4 days. It was pretty rough as neither of us got much sleep. He is better now. Byron and I went to the dentist yesterday. That was an experience. I got a filling and fixed a chipped tooth. He did a wonderful job. Byron got two extractions. The dentist said his teeth were good, no cavities but too white. The enamel is thinning due to drinking soda and eating acidic fruits. Since that visit we have a soda ban in effect. We rarely drink the stuff but Byron likes to go to the market and buy himself a soda for fun. He is also collecting Coca Cola wrappers in various languages.
James preached last Sunday. Csaba was out of town so he was on his own with Eva translating. I would have been so nervous! He, as always preached gracefully and looked great in the pulpit. After church in our village he preached in the next village. I met a retired minister and his wife. I was immediately drawn to this beautiful, distinguished older couple. I went with James to the church. I was familiar with the way things worked in our church but not this one. I almost went to the wrong pew had it not been for the retired minister’s wife showing me where I am supposed to sit. She sat with me and showed me which songs were sung. It was nice.
The biggest event this week was Luna completing her chapter book. It has been a struggle getting her to read it. We have been reading it since London in September. James worked with her and got her into a routine. He sat with her and helped her get to the point of really wanting to read. Once she saw that she had 2 chapters left, she would beg James to sit with her while she read. Hooray! She was so motivated. She started on her next book and wants me to order the rest of the series of her first book. A Christmas present that will be arriving soon!
James preached last Sunday. Csaba was out of town so he was on his own with Eva translating. I would have been so nervous! He, as always preached gracefully and looked great in the pulpit. After church in our village he preached in the next village. I met a retired minister and his wife. I was immediately drawn to this beautiful, distinguished older couple. I went with James to the church. I was familiar with the way things worked in our church but not this one. I almost went to the wrong pew had it not been for the retired minister’s wife showing me where I am supposed to sit. She sat with me and showed me which songs were sung. It was nice.
The biggest event this week was Luna completing her chapter book. It has been a struggle getting her to read it. We have been reading it since London in September. James worked with her and got her into a routine. He sat with her and helped her get to the point of really wanting to read. Once she saw that she had 2 chapters left, she would beg James to sit with her while she read. Hooray! She was so motivated. She started on her next book and wants me to order the rest of the series of her first book. A Christmas present that will be arriving soon!
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